Today has been a vey emotional and hard day. I have cried the majority of it. I am wondering if I am getting sick because I can usually keep myself pulled together. I cried today while talking to my daughter’s asst. principal over something petty. (she’s not in trouble - a teacher is) How silly was that? I am sure that man is thinking this lady has flipped!!!
I have a great network of friends so I have had a lot of support today. I also owe thanks to several people who commented one my blog yesterday.
I haven’t really done anything with the Dare’s today again. I can’t because I am really trying to clear my heart of my negative feelings plus my husband and I are not speaking at all. Not one word. He leaves tomorrow for the beach and will not be home until Monday night. I think I am going to re-watch the movie this weekend. Spend some quality time with my two beautiful kids. Try to get my perspective back. I know I am wrong for stopping the LD but right now I can’t put my heart into it. Not completely like I believe it has to be to work. Maybe I can work on myself and my selfishness. - Today I am not sure what I really want. I have worked hard this past year on myself and my anger. I attend church. I pray often and for everyone that asks me too. I try to be the person in the group that I am a part of to lead others towards Christ. I feel myself falling back into a negative hole. I don’t want to go back there. I am worried that its my marriage that causes the dark hold I fall into. My pity party of unhappiness! I don’t want to pull the LD book out every 6 months because we are falling apart again. I want to be happy. I want to know that I have a man who loves me and is not with me for our kids. I want to know that if I get cancer he is going to stand by me. I do not feel like that now….I know all of these comments are selfish and about me, me, me. Thats why I need to get focused. I need to pray and ask God to lead me back towards my husband. I need God’s help.
Please continue to pray for Robin’s Hope.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:15 am
Robin,
You are not wrong for stopping the Love Dare. Considering the dark hole you are in, I think you see things pretty clearly. The options you shared are all good ones. Spend quality time with your kids. Spend time connecting with God. Time with God does not have to always be intense praying. Try putting on some praise music and just relax and soak in God’s love. Gently focus on God and who He is. And yes, work on who you are and what areas you can improve.
You did not get where you are at in 40 days. It will take more than 40 days to get where you want to be. My prayer is that in 40 days, no matter what day you are on, you are seeing light glimmers of progress.
God I lift Robin up to you. I pray that she will feel your presence right now. Please wrap your strong loving arms around her and envelop her in your Love. I pray that she could feel your peace in her life right now. Clear her mind so she can process all the stuff that is going on in her life, and make good decisions.
In Jesus name, Amen
October 25th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Robin
Oh my heart hurts for you. I so want to give you a hug and tell you that everything will work out. I know better though. I am in my own struggle with secrets. I have ran into road block after road block during my love dare. I have three children and I know that you are with the children and the hurt of how this is effecting them. I know how hard the silence can be. The feeling that someone who at one time could not think of anyone else can now so easily forget that you have feelings.
A little note that was told to me. As long as you have not forsaken your vows you have no reason to leave the home that your husband and you purchased as a loving couple. You stay if his desire is to stray then let him cover the cost of it. your children deserve to live in the home that was purchased for their well being.
The love of my life is going through a tough time right now and I have not made it any easier by telling her I wanted her to choose between myself and this other man who has wiggled in as a parasite that gets under your skin. We have not talked that much since she told me that for me she would give up the friendship. I want so bad to believe her I want the trust we once had back. I am now left for God to answer rather she has chosen me.
The rumors I hear about her and him are very troubling and They hurt to hear.
My children have heard them as well and it that hurts even worse because they have lost respect for her regarding being part of our family.
I will pray for you and will ask God that he will help you as you navigate these uncharted waters of a relationship.
Keep your head up, and never accept defeat by leaving your and your children’s home, unless your safety is at risk.
Bruno
October 26th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Thanks Bruno! I am not making any decisions right now. I can’t! I don’t want my hurt and frustration to impact my kids. They are the best of my husband and I created in two children!
I am feeling just “blah”! I am here but don’t feel any emotions. I guess that will change. I need to get back on my knees and ask God for guidance and direction. I need to feel his comfort. I have not been faithful to God this weekend. Actually the last 5 days. I do believe if I turn it over to him my heart will ease and I will know what to do. Just can’t let go of my hurt or selfishness to do that.
Robin’s Hope