interracial newlyweds with 6 kids none together

well actually i havent blogged in a few days mounds of confusion have struck me my husband got a dui last sat and has sunk into this deep depression i am not sure i have the strength to help him out of i have been praying extra extra hard for that however it is so hard feeling like im moving forward and he is slipping back every day i read now i wish i ccould transport it into his brain cause he is being very selfish and his depression makes me angry now when i used to want to help now i feel mad cause he seems to always wollow in it and wont get up and even try to help himself i cannot help him if he wont even help himself i am trying all these love dares and basically i dare him to try i am developing a closer relationship wiht God though if nothing else i am not as devastated as i woul normally be however i wonder if that means i care less that is scary

i missed posting day seven because of thanksgiving however how ironic they kinda go together i am feeling better about saving my marriage today i am learniong to leave this in gods hands and believe or not it is working god is working on both of us he is truley giving me the tools to deal with things. i am also doing a 40 day spiritual journey for my sself and the two are going together nicley to write down positive things and negative thigs was easy my lists were about the same size:) the best was burning the list after i mentally covered it in LOVE.  now when my man is biting my nerves or just not getting it i cover it with love somehow.  and by the way i did leave my husband back on day 2 and normally that would be bothering me and i would be nagging him however i have not said one word this dare is for self i feel so much better

wow God is in this place!!!!! i woke up this morning to a rude teenage daughter and a husband telling me how i should of handled her and how i am not doing the right things with them rule wise guess who became very irritable ME from pride and stress i withdrew myself and immediatly decided to see what day 6 had in store and by gods mercy and grace it is love is not irritable what a help for me today to realize how irritable i can be for the smallest situations wow so today i am fixing that

i am thinking my husband is doing this to eiether that it worked and did help me to try and let go of the anger i feel and not be negative in voice it was a little more difficult to ignore the mind however it made it tolerable i want to thank the 2 people who commented on my yesterday blog it is still rough however i want to know i have done all i can do to fullfill my promise to my husband and God. thank you for the encouagement now off to day two

day one no negative uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh well on my day one i found out he still is keeping in contact with old girlfriend and staying out till 6 am how can i go through this book redally we saw the movie and what now how to cope with this maybe i should just give up he isn’t into it or me he thinks he is doing nothing wrong “he is not cheating” GOD please help me i dont know where to turn i am the only one trying here i feel like giving up it hurts sosososososososososososo bad

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR 6 YEARS I HAVE 4 CHILDREN 17,16,11,AND 8 ALONG WITH 2 EX HUSBANDS, HE HAS TWO CHILDREN 9 AND 7 WITH 2 EX GIRLFRIENDS YES HE HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED WE ARE BOTH 39 YEARS OLD WITH 1 MONTH BETWEEN US.  WHEN WE MET IT FOR ME WAS NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT I LIKED HIM HOWEVER WAS NEWLY SCORNED AND DIVORCING SO I DIDN’T HAVE A HIGH REGARD FOR MEN OR MYSELF HOWEVER I FELT CONFIDENT FOR BEING SUCH A STRONG WOMEN AND SURVIVING WITH MY FOUR CHILDREN ON MY OWN AFTER ABOUT 6 MONTHS OF HIM PURSUING ME I ABSOLUTLY FELL HEAD OVER HEALS WE UNDERSTOOD EACHOTHER AND WERE COMPLETLY HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING AND OUR FEELINGS EVERYTHING WAS ON THE TABLE AS IF WE WERE BEST FRIENDS. IT FELT GREAT WE WERE TRULEY IN LOVE I HAD FINALLY FOUND TRUE LOVE SINCE THEN WE HAVE BEEN THROUG HIM BEING OUT OF WORK TWICE AT FIRST FOR 3 MONTHS WE MADE IT THROUGH THAT I LOST MY HOUSE NOT DUE TO THAT BUT TO MY DIVORCE AND THE STUPID LENDERS WELL HALF OF AMERICA KNOWS WHAT I AM SAYING ANYWAY HE THEN PURCHASED OUR NEW HOUSE WITH MY STEP FATHER AS COSIGNER WE WERE HAPPY THEN HE PROPOSED OFFICIALLY ON NEWYEARS EVE AND 6 MONTHS LATER WE MARIED AND IT HAS BEEN A MISERABLE MESS EVER SINCE ALOT OF ARGUING ANOTHER JOB LOSS AN ADICTION ON BOTH PARTS A CLOSE CALL AFFAIR AND A REAL LIVE CHEATING INSIDENT NOT REALLY AN AFFAIR MORE LIKE A MESSAGE TO ME THAT WE NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER OR ELSE I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP SO HARD NOT REALIZING THAT I NEED TO BACK OFF BE PATIENT AND LEARN TO LOVE GOD AND MYSELF FIRST AND HOPEFULLY THE REST WILL FOLLOW MY HUSBAND IS A WONDERFUL MAN MOST OF THE TIME AND I AM A WONDERFUL WOMEN MOST OF THE TIME HOWEVER WE ARE LOST RIGHT KNOW VERY MUCH SO WHAT WE HAVE GOD INTENDED HOWEVER WE ARE NOT COMMITTED TO IT CORRECTLY WE ARE NOT VERY WELL MANAGED AND WE KEEP BLAMING EACHOTHER SO I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT I HAVE TRIED THE WALK TO EMMAUS, MARRIAGE ENCOUNTERS AND NOW THIS SO HATS OFF TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN SUCESSFUL AND IF ANYONE OUT THERE IS READING PLEASE STOP AND SAY A PRAYER FOR BARRY AND I AS I BEGIN THIS LAST ATTEMPT TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE AND OUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.  GOD BE WITH US ON OUR WAY