Day 15: Love is honorable
Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
—1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
October 19th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
today I came home from church and I amde my husband a sandwiche for lunch then i cooked him a dinner so he would eat before he headed to work tonight. Last night around 2am we were both laying awake in bed and he started to talk about his work and things that was on his mind, to me I was totally lost in the conversation the more I tried to figure it out the more he got fusterated as I didn’t understand so I found it easier to just listen to him and let him get it all out.
October 21st, 2008 at 6:59 am
Day 15 - today I tried to do something special and clean up some of the potted plant that had just been hit by our first real frost. There were a LOT of them. I got the project started, and asked my son to help, which he quickly did. When my husband got home he asked who had done emptied the pots, and I said “we did”. He turned to our son, and said “good job!”. I had to say, “I helped”, and he said “oh, yeah, good job to you too”. If I don’t show him the ways in which I try to go above and beyond, I don’t think he notices. It makes me feel frustated. Why do I continue to try and try and try??? Well, because as I’ve said I have 25 years in, and I’m willing to put in at least 40 days to see if it makes a difference. So, now it’s on to day 16. A great quote I found today, “Faith never knows where it’s being led. But it knows and loves the One who is leadin” - Oswald Chambers
October 28th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
I brought home some Chick-fil-A for her last night and told her I would put the kids to bed by myself. She had already eaten dinner, but she enjoyed getting to go downstairs and eat waffle fries whilst I read to the children. As for ways to demonstrate honor to her in the coming days, I’ll do my best to make the bed each morning, ’cause I know that means a lot to her.
November 12th, 2008 at 11:16 am
While our high school kids were getting ready for school, I decided to make me a waffle with some left over batter I had. My husband was asleep still, so I thought. He came around the corner while I pulled out eggs. I smiled and said”I am in the mood for waffles and eggs ya want some?” I gave him the first batch and asked what he had to do today. I knew side work(electrical)but I didnt know how long he would be today. I tried to put the vacume in the pool to add chemicals in and clean it, but I couldn’t get the hose hooked up. So after several attempts I told him my intentions. It stayed out there until i put it up. so it is still dirty and needs attention.
January 1st, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I wrote the following letter to my husband and sent it via email:
“For some reason, today has been a very hard day. I miss you. I miss talking to you everyday, kissing you hello, goodbye, good night. I miss relaxing with you on the couch, cooking for you, hearing about your day. I miss making plans with you for the day, for the week, for the future, for our life.
I went to see the movie Fireproof a few weeks ago and it was a real eye opener. I cried most of the way through it. I wish we had seen it when Karen suggested it several months ago. I decided that I was going to do the Love Dare that the movie is based around so I went and bought the book. Each day, I learn something new about myself and how my actions or non actions contributed to the problems in our marriage. Every day, I wish I had another day with you to change the way I behaved so that we could have had a better marriage and so I could have made you feel loved, cherished, honored and adored.
I don’t really know why I am telling you this other than to let you know how much I love you and that I am doing everything in my power to learn about myself and my mistakes. You said in our last counseling session that if you thought there was any chance, even the slightest chance that things could change and we could make our marriage work, you woldn’t leave. Had we known about this Love Dare, I believe we would have had a chance. I will continue the Love Dare journey, and will continue going to counseling as I believe that I have a lot to work on in order to be a good partner and to have a healthy, happy life.
On this New Year’s Eve, I will say goodbye to a year filled with hurt, anger, jealousy, and welcome in a new year full of promise and well being. While I would love to be able to have you by my side tonight and everynight thereafter, I will wish you a happy new year from afar.
I love you. I miss you.”
He hasn’t responded yet. I don’t know if he will.
I hadn’t intended for this letter to be my dare for the day, I was just feeling down and got the urge to write him to tell him how I was feeling. This was the first time I have told him how I felt since he left. I wanted to share with him my feelings without putting any pressure on him by asking him to come home.
I also hadn’t originanlly planned to tell him about the Love Dare, but over the last couple of days wanted him to have the opportunity to know what I was doing, how it’s been helping me so that perhaps he too would want to do it.
January 15th, 2009 at 8:08 am
I had a terrible dream that woke me up at 5am. I dreamt I was sitting outside at my childhood home and and a woman kept driving by. When I confronted her she handed me a letter written by my husband. She said ‘I am his girlfriend”. Then letter started out that he wanted her to meet someone special to him and had my daughters name. Then I woke up…..I was freaked…was it a sign? Then as I started to really be awake I reminded myself of the dream I had a week ago where a man was living in my attic. It may sound strange to write about this but in our current situation it would have been pretty easy to let that dream play with my mind. I am so glad I am not the person I was a month ago. I was ruled by my insecurties instead of my love and commitment.
I asked him yesterday afternoon if he had started to care for me anymore. He was frustrated as he said “Honey, I love you.” I am glad he didn’t finish that with “but am not in love with you.” He said he didn’t know why I kept asking questions like that. I told him how I got nervous that while he was on the road he wouldn’t take time to think of all the good things about us. He said, “I do. More that you know.” Of course more than I know because we don’t REALLY talk when he is on the road. We recount our day and the talk about the kids. That’s it.
So here I am at day #15. I am not really certain how to accomplish this dare without him being here. I had thought of emailing him a letter but he has no service where he is staying. I will probably text him because I don’t know how much attention he pays to what I am saying on the phone when it comes to things like this. Not that I think he is being mean but he is not the type of man who is partial to listening to talk like that on the phone. If he got distracted and asked me to repeat it…I might become hurt. So texting is the best way I think.
I believe that I have not treated him with honor ovet the last years. In my effort to be self-protective I have actually treated him as though I had charge over him. I must say that I broke my heart when I first realized this. Then again with today’s chapter, it was something I am ashamed of.
My husband is not perfect. I am not putting him up on a pedistal and pretending he is. I am putting him in a the place of highest honor because I love him. Because he is everything to me. Because I hold him as the most important person in my life. I will show him honor by keeping our home in order, the bills paid on time, rasing the kids with love and patience as Godly children, speaking to him with respect and gratitude, honoring his parents, dressing nicely (as I tend to dress like a bum) and fulfilling my duties in his business. to the best of my ability.
I give this all to God in Jesus name.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Well, for now I’m going to honor his wishes and leave him alone. Cause that is what he said he wants. I’m going to go out of my way to avoid him, even though it is an inconvenience for me in a few ways. But I love him enough to respect his wishes at this time.
March 6th, 2009 at 8:03 am
I have not done this yet but the rain has stopped and it should not reurn for a week. So this weekend I am going to wash Wife’s car. I am also going to attempt to replace the clock light in her car. This will require removing the dash board that i have never done before…
March 9th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
THis was a little hard becasue I do things for her all of the time. But I cleaned her car and then while I was at the store I wanted to buy her some choclates. It was funny becasue At first I was going to get her some cheaper ones and then I remembered..
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing
I thought about the “cheap” flowers he bought his wife in the movie and THEN the roses…..
So I bought the more expensive ones
WHen I gave her the chocolate she said “these sound good, I bet our son would love then” I told her they are for HER not him…she said”I know but he loves this kind” I said “They are for you.. Not him.. If you want to give him one or two that’s fine but I bought them for you” she said “OK”
April 8th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I am so ready to quite!! I just don’t know what to do any more, he won’t make his mind between me and this other woman, that is a home wrecker, but I don’t want to give up on my family… for anybody on here that prays and is reading this please dropp a prayer my way!! If not for my patience, for the fact of our family that consists of 6 kids.
April 19th, 2009 at 8:37 am
so day 15 was done on Friday April 17,2009 he went to work, I cleaned house and waited for him to get home, we had company, went out to dinner, went to walmart bought a new computer desk that we needed bad. the task we did was stay up until 1 am putting it together. It was good quality time. he didn’t work this weekend so I know we will spend more time together and less time on the computer.
June 7th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
[...] Day 15: Love is honorable [...]
August 6th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Today talked about honor and honoring your spouse. When we honor someone we give them respect and high esteem. We take them seriously when they speak and when asked to do something we try our best to accommodate them if at all possible. So why don’t we honor our spouses in this manner? We do not give our spouses our full attention, we don’t respect their opinion and most of all we do not treat them as we should. Then the book touched on the word holy, which means set apart for a higher purpose. When two people are married they are married in “holy matrimony”. The other is now no longer common or just everyday special in your eyes. This person now holds/has a place in your heart no one can rival. He/She is now sacred to you and only you a person to be “honored”, praised, and defended.
Today’s challenge was to choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. Show your mate that he/she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Well today’s read was just what I needed especially after my “altercation” with my husband yesterday. I would be laying if I said that I didn’t have faults or short comings in our marriage. I know no that no one is perfect, I am a long way from perfect and I do not expect my husband to be perfect, but I feel here lately that I have been doing more of the honoring than he has. Even when I felt I have been hurt/wronged by my husband. I love my husband “unconditionally” and I have always tried to show him that. The problem was I didn’t know how to commuciate my disappointment/hurt/fears to him out of fear that it would be used against me. I admit that I held a lot of things to myself, held a lot of emotions that should have been voiced. Then when I felt backed into a corner I lashed out, pushing buttons that I know would hurt because I felt hurt.
For today’s challenge I simply tried to listen. I always try to do “little” things for my husband to show him I love him. Today I went to the store and thought of him so I bought him is favorite ice cream. I always do these types of things just because. I wasn’t feeling well so I decided to go to bed early. He came in the bedroom behind me and we lied on the bed watching t.v. and talking about silly stuff. He rubbed my stomach and we joked about “women things” and the “monthly” thing. We joked about *** when we get older and the differences men/women go through as we age. I told him he has no idea what a woman goes through, how our bodies change to bring life into the world, how we have to be emotional because of the nurturing side of us, how a women change in general (periods, pregnancies, menopause, you name it). Not to take anything away from men but how could they possibly understand what we go through. I tried to explain to him that women have so much on their plate to deal with and that at times it can be very overwhelming. One day we feel **** and secure, the next fat and unattractive, though we may not voice that to our spouses. My husband just laughed at me and said I would always be this smart, determined, ****, funny and strong woman in his eyes. He said “yell your a size 10, you workout, you have muscles, how could you not think your attractive”? Even when you lose all your teeth, your hair turns gray and your tits sag to your knees, I’ll still love/be in love with you.
I gave my husband this look that could kill. I know he read my mind because he looked at me in such a shameful way. As if he could hear all the questions rattling off in my head. “Why the lies then, why the cheating, why the name calling, and belittling, WHY!? He just gave me a kiss and and said nothing else. I want so bad to open the can of worms while I had him backed into a corner, but then I remembered my rules of engagement. I wanted all those questions answered and more but decided against it. I felt this was not the right time to pick this battle. I know this talk will come much sooner than later, and I told him that, it has too. We showered and went to bed. He held me in his arms and rubbed my stomach, for some reason I could not shake this feeling that something bad was/had happened that would either destroy our marriage or bring us closer together. I finally fell asleep in arms after a long talk with GOD.
September 19th, 2009 at 4:28 am
well, i always pack lunch for him which is something i’ve just started doing daily since i’ve taken this dare up. it does make a difference in how i feel towards my husband. i love it when he expresses appreication for it.
well today, i wasn’t honorable in our communication. i actually hung up on him and told him i would never talked to him again. we were having a disagreement on the phone (communication/reading minds.) and he started yelling and interrupting. obviously i interrupted him too, so when he interrupted me i asked him to stop but then he said “well you interrupted me too, so what.” that really pissed me off. i couldn’t believe how calmed i was the whole time. usually i’d re flaring hot saying all kinds of assumption and mean things, but i did my best staying on the topic. at the end i did tell him that recognizing what went wrong and doing something about it is better than continuing pointing out what the other person did wrong. i also did tell him that i felt that he was provoking me and that if he keeps doing this he is pushing me away.
this is the hardest thing about the dare…..the change that one person is making and the other has no clue. i believe couples should do the dare together and READ THE BOOK TOGETHER. this book is all about mending relationships. we have nothing to lose, but all to gain from it. well, in the end i apologized. so, we prayed and kissed each other good bye before heading off to work. this evening was great because we were affectionate towards each. but then, he continues to leave for his brother’s house. i continue to pray for my heart to descend below all things.
October 21st, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Well today we went out to Jefferson to see my Grandma, whom I haven’t seen in two years. My daughter is 9 months old and has never met her, that is my fault for always being too busy to enjoy family life and to include ALL of my family in it. Since I’ve been doing this dare not only have I learned the importance of my relationship, but also the importance of my family life as well. Anyway, my Grandma took us out to dinner at Johnny’s Pizza, as Jason was walking up to the door with our daughter in his hands, I opened the door for him… I know it wasn’t a huge way to show him I honor him, but it was something he normally does for me, and I never think to return the favor. Needless to say, he realized I did this, so I suppose that shows for something.