Day 14: Love takes delight
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.
—Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
October 19th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
It’d really hard when you have 3 children in the house wiht you to do anything or find time to be just with your spouse and juggle around his work shifts. Plus I know what he likes to do but to find a babysitter and be able to go with him is another challage to pull up in short notice when I read the dare first thing in the morning and have that day to complete it. So I failed today as he had already made plans in the middle of the week to go fishing and hunting. I ended up just taking the 3 children out and going to my sister and brother in laws to help them with farm chores with my kids, we had a great day of bonding and my brother in alw helped me tune up my car with an oil change and filter change, and he checked my anti freeze and toped that up too. I will set a date for my husband and I do to somethign he enjoys and I’ll look forward to it.
October 19th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
today is my day 14 too…i put day 13 in my blog, I goofed up..I’m having a hard time too. My husband & I are separted, have been for a year now, his choice, not mine. I don’t even know what to do anymore…
just keep your chin up…keep fighting the good fight…at least he is still there at home with you…
October 20th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
After a HUGE confrontation on Friday night, it has been hard to even want to communicate with my husband, much less spend time together. Yesterday he spent most of the day working in the yard, and the rest of the day watching football and taking a nap. I made a really nice dinner. I think he appreciated that, but he just got up a while afterward dinner was finished and the dishes were done, and went to bed. By the time I went to bed, he was already asleep (it was only 9:00). During our “blowup” on Friday he said that he didn’t know if our marriage could be reconciled. I have created a great deal of financial debt which he is extremely angry about as he didn’t realize the situation. I was managing my own business, and continuously using my credit card for business expenses that he was unaware of. I pray that he will find a way to trust me again. I have been homebound for the last few months due to a medical condition, but expect to be able to get out and get another job within the next 6 weeks. I pray for God’s strength and support to get us through this hard time. I don’t think I want to be separated from him, but when he is so unresponsive, I have my doubts.
October 27th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I gave up a chance to play another round of Race For The Galaxy with Davey and Tommy, but Christine wasn’t really feeling up for spending time together last night. It wasn’t really anything negative. She just wanted to get some things done around the house instead. I don’t know that I really learned anything new about Christine through this, but oh well. Not every day is going to be a red-letter day. I sure appreciated the work she did today though. My wife is awesome.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:11 am
I plan to leave work on time, when it’s much easier and more productive to stay late, and make a good soup recipe for my husband. He knows when we aren’t getting along, I stay at work later or find things to do to put off coming home. I pray that he sees the love in what I do tonight and lets some of his anger go.
I’ll post tomorrow.
November 4th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Stand for your marriage!!! Remember your covenant vows and pray for your spouse. God will bring you through your trials and your marriage will be blessed by God. Give God all the Honor and Glory for the good work He is doing in your marriage and will continue to do. I have been married for 36 years and have had lots of difficult times but God has blessed our marriage and I praise Him for His Grace that He continues to bless me with. Sharon
November 4th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Normally when I get home, I change clothes and either go to the computer or our bedroom to watch TV. Last night, I got home and sat down while hubby was watching football (bleck) and wrestling (Uber Bleck).
November 12th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Last night the two of us sat on the porch with a drink to spend some quality time together. During the discussion of kids, life,and jobs, I snuck in the conversation of fighting fair. Clever, I know! Anyway, I mentioned how when we start to disagree we go off the deep end and nothing the other person says is heard. I asked if he thought it was silly to make a list of ways to be fair so both sides are heard and thought about before things reach that point. He actually thought it was a good idea! We said a few ideas then left that conversation. As for, doing what he wanted for the day, we went to our neighbors house. He is helping her build her home with others and wanted to see what was done so far. Then came home and sat on the porch. To be honest, this was not much of a challenge because we usually do alot of things he wants to do more then mine. He did ask wnat would I like to do today. I hope he hasnt caught on that I am doing this dare!!
December 30th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
If T was living at home, I most certainly would be able to do this. Perhaps I would have taken part or all of the day off to spend with him. Asked to go with him snowboarding (even though I don’t snoboard) just to be with him during the drive and to take breaks with him. I would bring a book and sip warm cozy drinks in front of a fire in the lodge while waiting for him. Or perhaps I would help him work on the house remodel. But he’s not home and spending time with him right now isn’t possible. He may be coming to the house today, but we are not yet in a position for me to just come by while he is there. It would be awkward and uncomfortable.
I will keep this dare on my “to do” list and when the time is more comfortable, I will plan to do it.
January 12th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Over the weekend he asked what I had planed which I had none. I asked what he wanted to do and he had nothing either. So, Sat. we got a call from a friend to go eat with them and another couple we know and I said sure. We had a nice dinner and a some adult conversation. (I am around kids alot and so is one of the other ladies) The guys grew up together and see each other all the time. I realized for the second time recently that some of the things I thought about my marriage weren’t so accurate. He has alot of issues with me that he never really mentions then embarrasses me in front of our family and friends. We had an agreement that 09 was the new beginning, the past stayed there and we look forward. I have been really trying although I slip often. What he is doing is out of the ordinary. I see several things lately that catch my attention and I question how he really feels about me these days. I feel like he is just going through the motions but feels nothing. I try to about it and he doesnt say much. I have learned to listen to my instincts and the alarm goes off alot. Something aint right. So, I pray and keep going and hope I am wrong.
Anyway, Sunday, we went to his parents for lunch. The family was all there due to a b-day in the family. It was a quiet day for us but civil I just felt out of sorts about everything. The food and company was great. So on to the next dare with a heavy heart today.
January 14th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Well, he is still nearly 800 miles away on the jobsite. He may not be home for another two weeks or so. I thought about telling him I would watch the next ball game here and he could there and we could instant message each other. I would like to find a way to play chess with him online. It is kinda depressing that there is no way for us to be together for so long. He said he would give us three more months but I may only see him 2 or 3 times in those mths. Something has to give.
I spent alot of time praying for him to have peace yesterday and for his health. I asked the Lord to restore his health and stop the chest pains. Last night he said he had a great day and no pain. They were even able to set up the job site and get half of the next days work done yesterday. He seemed light hearted.
I am really praying for Holy Spirit to lead him to this book. Day 10 and Day 14 deal exactly with what we had talked about.
I am still believing for restoration. When I get down and out I remember to not let my heart lead me.
January 26th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
He really doesn’t want to spend time with me right now. So I’m kind of stuck on this. I just know that I am willing to make him a priority. So, I’m going to spend some time really praying for him tommorrow instead of just going about my daily routine.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
I have not chimed in here much because I am hoping to get my wife on board the Dare and show her this site (nothing to hide, but she would figure me out and read ahead). However, I wanted to tell all of you to stick with it. In order for this to work, you need to do it with everything you have. Remember, I am not spiritual (she is) and have moved out, but it does not matter. This book is full of great ideas. I am having fun being honest with myself, learning about myself and my wife, and making this all work. And it IS working! Things are going as good as can be expected and I see light at the end of the tunnel.
Hang in there, everyone. Do this with everything that you have left. Do not be discouraged by setbacks. Be humble and strong and pour your heart and soul into your efforts. Most of all, stay positive! I wish you all the very best in moving forward!
March 6th, 2009 at 7:59 am
This one was easy. I was going to stay up later that my usual bed time and sit with wife and watch her soap operas (UHG).
BUT..The lord was looking out for me. He gave me a break. Wife said she was going to go to my son’s school tonight for a bingo fund raiser…GREAT… I can spend time with her, neglect my activity of sleeping and I get to eat hot-dogs….
We had a good time but I could tell by Wifes body laungage that “WE” are not “there” yet.
On to dare 15
March 19th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I got to work on my wife’s craft room with her. I really enjoyed it. I even got up early and got alot of it done before she got up. She was really surprised. Some may not be very spiritual, but we must remember…we can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us. God bless you guys and I will be praying for all of you.
June 4th, 2009 at 11:27 am
My wife and I are doing this together. There have been some dares that brough up some pretty big wounds. We have though, committed to working through each dare and trying our hardest to put all of ourselves in it. Last night, in the previous dare, I found some examples of rules of engagement. I used a few of them as a guide line and added my own. She then added her own on top of them. Our last big fight was ugly… very ugly… I said a lot of hurtful nasty things… My rules would have prevented that from happening. It is a cycle we are trying to break… That is why we are doing the dare.
I say, stay strong… If you commit yourself or yourselves to this… It will help you in ways you don’t yet understand.
Tonight is “Love takes delight”. Most things that my wife likes to do (from my perspective) are solitary things. Reading, Blogging… things of that nature. My things? Playing games… (I’m a big kid) and watching Anime (Japanese Animation) so, I think I’ve got the better deal. I will let her pick what activity I can do with her… But for her… tonight? Can we say Wii? *happy giggle* She has avoided playing with me… I think I will have to let her win some… Or play some co-op game and spend my time protecting her…
I can’t wait. I wonder though… what thing she will want to do. Maybe it could be a movie.. or… She’s not much of a shopper… Whatever it is, I will take delite in the fact that it is something SHE loves to do and that I get to spend doing with HER.
Love and Light,
The Black Sage (Writing)
June 5th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
[...] Day 14: Love takes delight [...]
July 28th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Today talked about the delight you should feel for/with your spouse. Even though as time goes by it would be unrealistic for your heart to constantly thrill at the thought of being delighted/loving to be in the presence of your spouse, after all everyone needs their space. That is why love is a choice and choosing to love is more/just as powerful than the love that “feels like” loving because there will be times when we simply do not feel like loving our spouse. Leading with our hearts not just following it is loving unconditionally.
Today’s challenge was to purposely neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he/she would love, just be together. This was I felt would be yet another difficult challenge for a couple of reasons (A) How can you spend time with someone whom you really may not want to be around from one day to the next/who doesn’t appear to want to spend time with you (2) does “disappearing acts” when you attempt to try and plan/do something with them. I figured I would give it a try anyway, so that I way I would be confident in knowing that I did give it some effort.
I read this dare on yesterday (Saturday) because I thought the only way I could make this at all possible was to make sure I had absolutely nothing to do. I knew if I did that he would have to go someplace for something. It appears these days he only gives me the time of day when he has my undivided attention. So, I call myself taking care of everything on Saturday. All the housework, shopping, phone calls to family, everything. My Saturday didn’t go to bad although my husband did pull a couple “disappearing acts”. We made plans to go to the store together he had to go to the flee market and then pick up some money a guy owed him. It was only suppose to take a couple hours. I decided not to wait any longer ( I had already waited 3 hours) and went to the store alone. While I was out my husband called and had the nerve to ask me where I was ( are you kidding!). I nicely explained to him that I couldn’t wait for him because his delay was causing me to run behind schedule on other things I needed to do.
Needless to say when I got home I was pissed. I didn’t bother to waste my time fussing at my husband about his lack of consideration when its time to do “family” things. I just simply stated in my loving tone that if it was not to much of an convince to call the next time he felt he would not be in place/or running late when “we” have made plans, that I would greatly appreciate it. I told him that he knew I was sitting here waiting for him so that we could take care of “family” stuff but I felt like he just blew me off. How is that you can rush to others and go out of your way for them and bend over backward to do for others, but your families’ needs keep getting put off and neglected and we get the short end of the stick? I got no response just the “look”. I went over to my husband and gave him a kiss and finished putting away the food I had just bought. This confused him even more because any other time I would have read him his rights.
Well today which is Sunday we’re suppose to be moving some furniture around and moving our office to one of the rooms down stairs. There’s no point saying we didn’t get this accomplished today either. I guess in a way we did do the dare because we kind of just lay around in bed watching t.v. and holding each other. I was still tired from the day before so that didn’t bother me on way or the other. The couple times I asked about getting up to move the furniture he stated in a few and never moved so neither did I. I finally got up about 4 pm and started fixing dinner. After wards I decided to get the room that we were moving our office into ready. I thought he would help but he pulled another “disappearing act” so my daughter and myself finished it. He reappeared a few hours later. I didn’t even look his way. Sometimes this man makes me so angry that I could choke him until all his oxygen supply is cut off and he passes away. I know that is so very harsh to say and of course that’s murder but I just see red when he does stupid inconsiderate things, then expects you to not call him on it or when he points out all of the things you do not do. I mean are you kidding!
I noticed when he came back he seemed rather upset/agitated about something. I was going to ask but then decided against it. I figured I would just sit back and watch him for the rest of the evening. He came in looking for a piece of paper he had written a number down on and could find. He started asking me about it and when I told him I had never seen the paper or never knew any of the information on said paper he really became upset. His phone went off a couple times (text messages) and I noticed that he wasn’t quick to answer. When he did I tell he got more frustrated. I began to ask myself “what is really going on”. I found the paper he was looking for then he said he would be right back. I could have cared less. He came back not to long after acting “funny”. As I got ready for bed he had his back to me texting away. I almost had the slip of the tongue but said a little prayer and let it go. After he sent the text we went to bed, just watching t.v and and about 12 am when he thought I was asleep he stepped out of the room. I later “found” he had texted his “friend”, guess she didn’t respond so he felt he had to call her. When he came back to bed he was “very restless” to the point that he was keeping me up. I tried not to but I couldn’t help it before I knew it I had told my husband
“You better figure out much sooner rather than later where your heart is and what/who you want if not I’ll decide for you”!
I turned my back to my husband told him and loved him and closed my eyes to go to sleep. My husband put his arms around me and pulled himself close to me kissed me on the cheek and whispered I love you in my ear. I never slept so good. Not because I knew he would make the “RIGHT DECISION” but because I finally let him know, what I knew, how I felt, and what I would do about it. He knew I meant what I said. I was calm, did not have any reason to get upset or raise my voice. I believe that shocked him more than anything.
September 17th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
OK, i think i need to repent because last night my husband tried to play with me while i was tired and sleeping, but i was just a sombie. i just laid there and went to sleep…..awful me. i’ll be more playful next time. tonight when he comes home i will make sure to play with him:):):) i challenged him some days ago in UNO, but he hasn’t had time to do that. that’s another thing i want to do with him, but it sorts of a challenge to do with young ones around always wanting to play too. maybe i need to buy them their own UNO cards, but then they won’t know what to do with it.
October 21st, 2009 at 11:57 am
Jason was gone for a big part of the day today, so I sent him a text asking if there were anything imparticular he would like to do together, and he just told me “have some quality time together, we haven’t seemed to have had that in a while” which I thought was strange that he said that, when he dare was to just spend time together. After he got home we spend a little time away from one another, which I know was the opposite of what we wanted to do, but something made him upset and he stepped out for a little while. When we returned, I told him I was sorry for whatever it was I did (which I understand now) and we spend the remainder of the day together, just being together and with our daughter.