Day 6: Love is not irritable
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.
—Proverbs 16:32
TODAY’S DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
October 10th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Hmmmm, Todays dare I really have to think about. I’m struggling with myself and being able to not be irritable. My life has changed so much since I moved to the USA to marry my long term long distance realationship. I’m in a different world. It’s been and will continue to be a test for me. i’ll always have something to work on. When I lived in Canada We talked on the phone and on the computer. We spend a few hours a day together in the evenings. I always told myself that back then would be the hardest part and if we could get threw 4 yrs of just visiting eachother every 6 months or so and just sharing on the computer together that when we really got together that we would make it as we passed the hardest part already.
When I met my husband on the computer we were playing in a canasta league together. At first I couldnt stand him. I found him to be every competitive and acted like a baby when I beat him at a game. Once we start to talk my veiws on him changed. yes he was and always well be competitive in the game world, but I saw a different person who had a great appreatation for the world and nature around him. My husband is a hunter and a fisherman. When we both met we were not looking for any kind of realationship other then friendships on the net. I had left an abusive realationship 2yrs prier and he also had left a realationship where his partner was unfaithful.
As we talked more I began to fall in love with him and He felt the same for me. I think we got to know eachother in a great way. We werent at the bar or out on the town with friends looking for love. God brought two lonely souls together and I believe we strengthen eachother. Now that i finnally moved here 4yrs later and we got married on August 29th 2008. We are going threw immiragtion, thats part of my stress at the time. this is the most scareiest thing I have ever done. But I love this man and he took on 3 children not of his own and excepting them as his own. Yes my husband is not very romantic and not very emontional. I make up enough emontions for the both of us.
I believe we are both irritable right now with all the stress of immiragtion. I know once we get threw this stage and I’m able to work it will release some of his presures he goes threw.
Areas I need to work on is to be more grateful to my husband and less greedy. I know i’m greedy I want to have all of him to myself when he comes home. I need to let him go and do what he needs or wants to do, I do know that when he is done fishing he will come back home to me. It’s just that I’m home alone all day while the kids are at school and he is at work. I look so forward to spending time with him at night but I dont get that much time as he comes home eats and then is off fishing. Then he goes on the computer. I might get a half hour with him before he goes to bed and the day starts all over again. So I should be grateful he is out ther doing someting he loves and he brings home food for us to eat when he catches fish. If I can work on this now i’ll be ready for next month when he is never home and at work or gone hunting as it will be deer season.
I want to be a more loving spouse. I want to be a” Calming breeze” around my family and not that “Storm waiting to happen” I’m praying more everyday to God for my husband and myself. My children give me prayer requests and we pray for those too. I’m just gonna leave it all up to God. If I put my faith and trust in God I know that he will guild me ,my family and we will grow stronger in him.
I do have a wonderful husband and its not all that bad. I have every weekend with him and sometimes he takes me fishing with him. Or he takes one of the kids. I know he loves me and cares for all of us. He works so hard everyday. 12hrs a day at the factory 5 days a week. So I should understand he needs time to unwind thank you God for blessing my life and I promise I will work on not being so greedy over my husband and I will be more patiant and talk with a loving heart and not with a angered one.
October 11th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Here are some areas I need to add margin to my life:
1. My sleep schedule – I usually plan to be doing stuff up until the time I fall asleep, and then I plan to get up just in time to get ready and leave for work in the morning.
2. My work schedule – I don’t really give myself enough time to get all of my hours in on a given week unless everything goes perfectly.
3. My weekends – I do allow myself a fair amount of free time on the weekends I guess, but I don’t often use it to get caught up.
4. My free time – I need to be careful to stop filling it up with so many planned activities. I’m much better than I used to be, but I still have a bit of a ways to go, I think.
I don’t recall the last time I overreacted, but it was probably not too long ago. What was my motivation? I’m not sure. I don’t know that I’ve made any solid decisions at this point. I don’t know what exactly I’m ready to give up in order to get more margin in my life.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:56 am
I could of use this one last night some , after doing so good all week long and seeing a change in me and our relationship, I had kinda got to that breaking point you know? Kinda like in the movie when kirk cameron does all this stuff and she still ends up handing him divorce papers. Well me and hubby are supposed to be doing this together but he isn’t which bothers me, but I don’t let it stop me from doing this completely and whole heartedly. So I’ve been doing all these dares and just not saying anything or flying off the handle when I get aggravated or whatnot but yesterday after I had posted a good day he got home like 4 hrs after he got off work which I knew he’d be a little late because he was helping someone but he also went to the gym so it did bug me that he got home so late but I let it go but then it was like he took a shower, ate, started fussing at our 5 to do his homework instead of taking 5 mins to help him , so I told him calmly which is a major improve not to fuss with him but take 10 mins out of his time and sit with him and help him which is what I always do, I mean don’t get me wrong after about an hour of trying to get him to do it I am aggravated to but he had just got home well then I had to put him to bed so I went and laid with him for like 10 mins, I came back in and hubby was playing xbox and stayed on there for like 2 hrs mind you this is late already and I am sitting in here with our 3 yr old doing nothing, waiting for him to spend time with us, I mean we finally had a couple of mins where we could have spent time together and he stayed on the xbox, he came in to the living room and even looked at me a couple of times , so I got up and went to bed and he came in there and walked out, I was upset visibly so I waited a few mins and got up and even though our 3 yr was up watching some toons and he saw that I was upset that he wasn’t trying to work on this what did he do, went back playing the xbox like it wasn’t a big deal, so to cut this long story short I had had it and I eventually let him know, I did holler or scream but I just went to crying because I was so hurt and I have been trying so hard and he wasn’t trying at all . So in the end I went to bed, what he did after that I’m not sure, oh I did come in here and log on and showed him my blogs which I wasn’t going to do, but I wanted him to see what I was feeling and now that I am being comitted to this and making our marriage work.. Now back to the dare today, not sure where I need to make margins, I mean I need to make more me time, I’m the stay at home mom who takes care of everything and puts everyone and everything first and that does take a toll on you , I also need to stop cleaning and stuff at a certain time so that I can spend more time playing with my kids and leaving more time to spend with hubby if he shows interest instead of having to feel like at the end of the day I can’t have any loose ends because it will take a toll on you.
October 20th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Hmm…margin to my life. Well, I get up early and go to bed fairly early. I spend about an hour to and from work and spend about 8-9 hrs a day there. When I come home, I take a few minutes to talk with my husband and start cleaning. It’s not that the house really needs it because we keep it pretty clean anyway. If I took less time cleaning and taking the time to cook a meal every evening would be nice. Weekends depend on what my husband has to do. If he’s gone I usually clean and play cards on the computer, or go shopping. But if he’s home we watch TV together. Thats about it. Part of MY problem is that he doesn’t have enough free time with me….
Wrong motivations? Temperamental, quick to anger, and quick to judge. I can’t control him or change him. Only God can do that.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
GAH, this one is gonna be hard for me. Adding margins. I am always late. Even this morning I got in the shower 15 mins early and I was still 15 mins late leaving today…gah.
1) make better use of my time.
2) be on time
3) spend more time with my children
Wrong motivations.
I want things my way because I believe my ways are the most practical.
I treat my husband like a child because I feel he doesn’t take responsibility seriously.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:01 am
Some areas where I need to add margin to my life are:
1. NO outside committees
2. Get more sleep
3. Eat a good breakfast
4. Go on a date every week (or every other) w/ my husband
5. Take my kids out on individual dates
6. Talk to my husband before singing up for new activities
I must stop trying to make everyone happy and think how wonderful I am (I’m not). I need to release the idea that its easier to do things myself rather than teach someone else how to do i. I’ve got to stop working so hard that I don’t take of myself. I must realize that family comes first - before work, service in the church, extra bible studies, being a volunteer, etc. Finally, I must realize that I can’t (and shouldn’t) have things go my way or be handled the way I think they should all the time.
October 27th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Day 6 - I had no problem with not being irritable towards my wife on day 6. In fact time with my wife is the happiest time of my week…and I do say week…I really only have face to face time with her 1 -3 times a week at the most. I do struggle though with being irritated at my work. I struggle with a bad attitude at times and I am too quick to get frustrated when things don’t go right which seems to happen more an more lately. I am taking this to God and releasing this burden and heavy heart. I focused this weekend on speaking to my team members and asking for their forgiveness for not contributing to a happy environment at work. I feel much more at peace.
Some margins for my life:
1. Need to eat better and more consistently. 2. Need to be committed to exercise at least every other day. 3. Need to communicate with my wife at least 2 times per day (day/night). 4. Need to ask everyday what I can do for my wife or bring home at end of night. 5. Need to have a regular family meeting each week (specific day and time) to discuss finances, business stuff, and needs. 6. Need to block out work/business times and fun couple times (I bring work home too often). 7. Need to work on consistent sleep schedule - be well rested to be able to spend more quality time with my wife. 8. Praying and giving my burdens and heavy heart over to God and asking God how I can better serve my brothers and sisters everyday.
My wrong motivations really seemed to be me wanting to carry the load all by myself. The change in me is that I want to and I will follow the path that God is guiding me to and through. I will seek his words and wisdom for me each and every day and will be the husband, brother, friend, and coworker he desires me to be.
November 4th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Things I need to change in my life is wasting valuable free time. I was a stay at home mom that did all the stuff at kids school for years. Then started to sub for the school. This year I started mowing a couple yards when home for extra cash. So I was taking care of my home and yard, subing at school, and mowing 2 other yards. I love being outside but it got tough sometimes to do all that. Now, do to weather, things are slowing down and I have more me time. I dont use it wisely. I want to get back in shape. I want to go out more with my husband. I dont mean going to Home Depot together or running through the nearest drive thru or dropping off bills. We do these things together which is fine but we need to go have fun too! We are big home bodies. I will think more on this dare today, but these are off the top of my head.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:26 am
SWITCHED WITH DAY 2
I only have 1 tough circumstance with my Beloved. He is the most awesome, wonderful husband I could ever have dared asked for, or thought of (I call him my Eph. 3:20 from the Amplified Version), but he struggles in his relationship with our children. Actually, WE struggle because he is emotionally unavailable for them. I don’t know if he struggles with it at all. Really, we both know that the root of it is his need to stand up and lead the family. I fill in where it’s needed, but I can’t fill in the father role. So the girls hurt… and I am left deeply disappointed. We are both aware that sometimes women make poor choices for male companionship due to a need not met by their father. My greatest concern revolves around their future relationship with their husbands, should they decide to marry, because of this. I grew up witnessing my mother’s poor choice and the consequences WE ALL FACED as a result of it. This has been the greatest thorn in our marriage since our first-born was very young.
I’m not angry. I’m just very saddened. I feel alone in my commitment to train up our girls in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I can’t count the number of times I’ve prayed Malachi 4:6 on their behalf. Yet I draw strength from the Heavenly Father, and my trust is that He would supersede the statistics that say that these circumstances lead to promiscuity and that our girls wouldn’t suffer from low self-worth… especially to the point of becoming involved with someone that would be controlling, manipulative and abusive.
I release this fear to the Lord, in Yeshua’s Name and as the Scripture says, I ask for wisdom.
I need to add margin to my schedule between the hours of 10 PM and 4 AM. Basically, I need to go to sleep. That’s my “me” time. Whether I’m planning for home school, balancing the budget, sending out emails for our home business, or goofing around on the computer… I need to cut that time down so that I’ll have an earlier start for the day and more likely to have dinner ready when my Beloved returns from work.
It causes him irritation when he comes home and gets a dinner “thrown together,” or not one at all, and he has to muster one up for himself. I challenge and commit myself to cutting off whatever I’m doing at 4 PM so that this issue becomes a thing of the past.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
hmm, i’m probably the youngest person on here but i am willing to save my relationship with my boyfriend of a year, this one i’m really having trouble with. He is starting to move on I think, i recently found out he has kissed another girl and it is really hard to get over that. I’m not really sure what i’m going to do with this one. i am reading other comments for suggestions. please help!
November 28th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I think the hardest thing to realize especially if you are young is you are on this journey for yourself and you are recieving tools to deal with what ever your relationship brings good bad or indifferent. as hard as it seems you are able to leave this in Gods hands hand him over the stress and hurt he will not let you down i promise And maybe too if you are not married or have children yet you may recieve the message that hes not the one God has planned for you. and if he is, god will also lead him to you pray hard and i will do the same for you there is alot of power in a prayer
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:56 am
I realized I was bringing on some of the stresses myself. I decided to not work from home as much as I was. Only a few hours a day, if I need to. I will focus more on being a stay-at-home-mom & wife. Taking care of our home & family. I feel so much better after not feeling as stressed as I was about my job. I feel I can take care of my family better without the added money stresses. And we REALLY don’t need the income I was bringing in.
Good day!!!
December 30th, 2008 at 12:10 am
In general, I can see how irritable I have been over the last year or so. I guess thinking negatively all the time really took a toll on me and I took it out on him and others. According to some of my friends, I wasn’t as fun as I used to be and always seemed down or unhappy. They told me this over Thanksgiving when I attended the camping trip alone, without T. They said I seemed much happier and more “myself”. I told them it was because T wasn’t there for me to be pissed off at for ignoring me. It really made me think about how I have been acting and how my moods are preceived.
Some things that I need to add margin to is that I need to start saying no more often and stop volunteering for things. It seems that I overwhelm myself with volunteer work which left T out and me frustrated with lack of time and pressure of getting things done that didn’t include him. As I continue to think about this, all those volunteer things that kept me busy kept me from wanting to spend my free time with him doing the things that WE used to do together. At that point, I would have rathered stay home and rest than go out.
Wrong Motivations? After re-reading the chapter on major motivation I have is bitterness. I hang on to wrongs and hold grudges far too much. I’ve stopped giving after so much resentment has built up for not feeling appreciated or not getting anything in return. I believe that love is give and receive, the more you give, the better you feel and the more the other should want to give in return. Maybe I’m looking at it all wrong, but my bitterness is there and causes me to definitley be irritable.
January 3rd, 2009 at 1:37 pm
I dont have a real busy schedule where I need to slow down and let things go, but I do need to get out more and learn to say yes to a few things. Things I need to change are stop letting everything upset my day. It is a waste of good energy and very unproductive. It pushes my family away too! So each day I catch myself I have to do or say something positive and apologize. Habits are truly hard to break but not impossible. Divide house chores more so I am not the only one doing them and stressing out over it. I have two teenagers who are capable just dont want to unless I fuss. So each day except weekends I am writing one chore for each to do. If not done they have to do 2 things the next day plus lose something for awhile. It was working great until I stopped do to the holidays so I am getting back on track!!
February 4th, 2009 at 9:30 am
[...] Day 6: Love is not irritable [...]
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Well I bomb this one. I woke up on the defense this morning, so I was already irritable to begin with. I feel weak today and powerless. I am frustrated that the process is so slow. We take a step forward and three back. I am wore out. I know I have lost focus on the purpose and also quit working on me and went back to controlling him. Which we all know is a complete waste of time, and energy. I really lost all sense of my spirituality and self control. I feel like I need to go back to day 1. So what I did was ran a rampage marathon and played the you you you game all day. How productive am I-hahah.
Well anyway I really just made a mess of this day. So now I am regrouping, taking a deep breath, I re-read all the first few chapters and reflected on what I learned. I prayed and still am-pray, pray, pray for all the positive to come back in me. I know this isnt suppose to be easy, but some days I am tired and feel like quitting. Worse of all, when I go backwards its twice as hard to get back where I was. So here I go again. Well off to day 7 I go, wish me luck! You are all in my prayers.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.
The first part in not bad. I pretty much adjust my schedule around others but…
I think the main area that I need to add margin to my schedule is spend more time helping son with his homework.
Instead of getting on him to get started I usually wait for him to get started which is usually late. And then I go to bed early and this leaves wife having to deal with it.
As for:
Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
1. Release wanting wife to feel the embarrassment I have felt the affair cause by letting others know what happened
2. Release wanting to contact the OM to cause him and his family the pain I have felt
3. Release myself from the “thoughts” I have of W and OM being together.
February 26th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Im not sure I can do this one. React lovingly that he sends joke emails to his ex? Sees her everyday? Does repairs around her parents house? This is going to be hard.
I’m not sure what is meant by add margin to my schedule? More time for me? for him? I spend time on myself, I go to the gym, go shopping alone, read. Spend time with him - we go to dinner, shopping, watch tv - some. We don’t spend alot of time together he has the firehall and the kids to spend time with - I’m home alone ALOT!
Things I need to release?
1. that he’s still in love with his ex
2. that he wants to be with her that’s why he always talks about her
3. that I’m just a “place keeper” waiting for her to want him back
4. that it would be so much easier/better if I left.
5. that he couldn’t financially do this on his own that’s why i’m there, he doesn’t truely love me.
I’m not liking this very much right now….
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:43 am
[...] Day 6: Love is not irritable [...]
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:28 pm
[...] Day 6: Love is not irritable [...]
March 4th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
luvin2lose and I are oretty much the same timewise
1) make better use of my time.
2) be on time
3) spend more time with my children
I have a problem with letting go. I believe that God wants us to be together, but I want to control it. I want to stick my hands in it and fix it, right now! And God keeps pushing my hands away! I know that every time I have tried to control it it has gotten messed up. And I don’t want to leave my partner behind. So I have trouble moving forward.
March 4th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
QUESTION TO PREVIOUS COMMENT.
AM I STILL TRYING TO CONTROL THE SITUATION BY DOING THE DARES?
March 4th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
In addition: And am I leaving my partner behind if I stop doing the dares and move on with my life? The one I’m trying to build with him?
March 18th, 2009 at 9:12 am
Day 6 was a bit confusing. I did make a list of areas in my life that need more margin and thought about things that are important to me due to wrong motivation. This is going to be an ongoing struggle for me but I will continue to try and grow in this area. My husband was pretty ill this morning. I went ahead and made him a cup of coffee and he seemed appreciative. Today is day 7. It’s going to be a good day.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:45 am
My husband and and have been married going on six years. Together we have 5 children, all a year apart, from previous marriages. Our marriage has been a constant battle of learning how to mix our family to make it work, letting go of past life experiences and hurts, and learning how to make our family and marriage- ours. We have allowed outside influences over the years resulting in constant turmoil, separations, and heartbreaks. However; we have a love like no other, passion for each other that is indescribable, and the want to for our marriage to succeed. We have been through every test a marriage can withstand, even though we have chosen at times to run, we have always ending right back where we are, in each others arms. We are christians and our family is a member of our local hometown church. Three out of five children have been baptized, and for that we are grateful. Our marriage recently went through a separation due to my dishonesty and I lead my heart to a place it should not have gone. I did this for my son whom does not live with me and has not for 7 years. Instead of turning to my husband and dealing with the issues with my son being mistreated by his step mother of whom he live with along with his father. I fled and moved home hoping to somehow fix the situation, when all I did was turn my back on my faith, my husband, and my marriage. My husband and I are now back together. We have purchased the Fireproof movie and have also begun the Love Dare Journal together. Our marriage could not be stronger than it is today. Our love is stronger than it has ever been, our communication is growing and our love for each other just gets better, stronger and where God intends for it to be. I am blessed beyond words to have this man in my life. He is loving, attentive, caring, he is not selfish, he is a wonderful father and christian leader of my home. I can not explain in words what we have built together and it only gets better every day. We are trying to set an example for our children to also carry on into their adult hood. I have encouraged all my friends to see the movie and have challenged them to do the love dare journal in their marriages. My husband and I are more than grateful, we are truly soulmates and God has blessed us with so much. Though our road has by no means been easy, it has been bumpy, hard, angry, selfish, and by no means the best road we could have taken. The road has always led us back to each other, and from this moment on we have committed to standing on and walking the road together as intended, never to waver and to always commit to moving a step forward daily to increase the strength in our marriage. I am so thankful for this book, and movie it has saved my marriage. I am grateful. I am going to be purchasing the bible study edition tomorrow. Thank you so much and may God bless each and every one of you who are taking this journey, please do it with 100% commitment, love, and honesty. I will pray for each and every one of you. God Bless
April 8th, 2009 at 9:32 am
I will do Day 5 this evening when Shawn gets home we were so busy when he got off work I was busy in the morning wasn’t on my computer as I usually am in the morning. I take him to work on Tuesdays I have a computer class and other appts. On to Day 6- The main thing I need to work on is since I am home all day without a car, I am either watching TV, working Bible Study lessons or on the computer, I need to be and stay off the computer in the evening when Shawn gets home, he says I spend more time on the computer than with him, another thing I need to work on is on the weekends is ” spend less time on the computer and more time with him” even if it is just watching TV together or going for a short walk, working in the yard, whatever it is our time is important to him he misses me during the week, texts or calls me when he can.
April 20th, 2009 at 1:04 am
I have no clue where it all went wrong with day 6 ( yesterday) it was crazy. We yelled and I cried and he got mad all because I didn’t make a meat dish to go with my casserole. I don’t understand. We have only been married 3 months and I already feel like we can’t make it work. I love him but we didn’t live together before we got married and things were great when dating but now they are crazy he has things he wants to do and I have things I want to do and there seems to be no compromise I know I need to give in a lttle but since we are now one unit not seperate anymore I just wish I could figure out where I can fit my little idiocycrosis and let him has his also I just don’t know
April 20th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I need to work on
1. Getting more sleep
2. Spending more time with my husband and daughter
3. Make more time for homework
4. Clean and do laundry more instead of letting it get “away” from me.
April 21st, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I need to prioritize my time (use a calendar) & I need to take time during the week & on Sundays to really reflect & worship & take time the read the Bible.
The biggest wrong motivation I have is selfishness. Alot of the stuff I want to change is because of that. I have a tendancy to over-react because of selfishness also.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:50 am
I need to take more time out during the week to play with our child and to find things that i can do and enjoy that my husband already likes. i need to not study as much and spend some of that time to worshipm, pray, and read the bible. i need to get up every sunday morning and go to church even if my husband does not. my biggest wrong motivation is selfishness. but i can tell you within the last couple of days my selfishness has dropped probably about 50%
May 26th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
[...] Day 6: Love is not irritable [...]
June 13th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Day -6 Wow what a good dare had me thinking about it for 3 days before I got it down to an understanding.
So here is my list
1) manage my free time better - by putting my family first, and not me and my projects first
2) manage my work hours better - by better manageing my people. So I don’t cover for them because I want to be the best Boss.
3) manage my money better - by better communicating with my wife what our bills are, and what her needs are. So that we can manage them together.
4) Become a better listener - by not stopping my wife in the middle of her conversation or her questioning. I will wait my turn.
5) stop being a “No” man - by listening, managing, and giving thought before I speak.
6) Push/Judgemental - By not pushing my wife into the church. but to encourage her with my invitation, and activities.
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So as of today I have been working on this list and new way of thinking for the past few days. I have learned a lot about how to personaly want to change to beeter my life and the life of my family. We have taken a trip to the big city to do shopping, and it was the first time we did this without a major fight. It was the first time we both argreed (even though it put a slight damper on a super fun trip) that our budget would only allow us to do certian things and certian purchases. I planned another family day with not only us but 2 of her sisters and their kids to go to a Pizza/Arcade place so we could spend time with our kids and feel young again. We took lots of pictures and my wife was happy because we did not fight,the baby was happy, and that I put it all together on our small budget.
Now today I worked on manageing my free time I helped around the house,(sweeped and did dishes). I took her to do her arons and even explained that I need some time before I go into work to do my guy stuff (cleaning my jeep) she was so happy to see me changing that she said “I will get lunch ready and I will call you in when its raedy”. Wow! We finished about the same time. Usually its “well you where working on your car and your food got cold”, or ” I didn’t make anything because you where working on your car and who knows when that would finish” this time the responce was “since you helped me with the house cleaning I have more time for me” and would you believe it, she used her time to show me how much she loves me and because of this we had an hour after we ate just to spend together. She said she wanted to give me a facial ( I know women love them and her and her sister do facials and nails together all the time) What a great feeling when your face is smooth like a babies tush.
Praise be to God! for showing me how much he loves me and how I should loves others.
July 15th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
This was a rather difficult challenge today. I really had to think about what this was asking of me. Both were very deep questions that I really wanted to be honest with myself in answering. After much contemplating this is what I came up with…..
Things I could add more margin to
1. Making more time for my family. I know is one that Demond and I have been arguing about a lot lately. This will be hard for me because of school starting in a few weeks and I will need to devote some time to study. I had taken the summer off with the hopes of doing just that but things got so messed up between us that it seemed useless to even try. So I am committing to giving my family at least half a day on Saturday, all day Sunday (with the exception of house work) and as much time as I can during the week. I know this will only work if Demond allows it to. It’s kinda hard to spend time with someone that doesn’t want to spend time with you, but not only him but my daughter as well. I would love to do more with him and go places with him but lately it seems he makes it a point not to be home and makes it a point not to even ask if I want to go along with with. It’s like he doesn’t want to be around me anymore at all other than at home.
2. Take more time to be thankful for what GOD has blessed me with rather than dwelling on what he hasn’t blessed me with.
3. Get up for work on time and be on time for work.
4. Tell the people I care about/love how I feel about them more.
5. Communicate with my husband more.
My “negative motivations” list was not something that I knew I was going to have to work harder on than my margins list because these types of “motivations have gotten me into trouble before. However, this is what I came up with.
Negative motivations I need to release
1. Doing things out of revenge/anger toward my husband. If I feel wronged or mistreated I usually do the same out of spite. I have tried to justify this by telling myself the bible says an eye for an eye, but I know that is not the right way to go about it and two wrongs don’t make a right because the bible also says that GOD said “vengeance is mine”. I just feel the need to make that person(especially my husband) hurt the same way I have. This is something that I struggle with and has caused many fights between us.
2. Throwing up the fact that my husband has cheated when we fight and that I suspect he is cheating now. This is another big problem cause it only upsets me more which causes me to say more not so nice things which gets him upset even more which causes him to say not so nice things. Doing this does not/has not changed his behavior but I just feel the need to let him know that I know these things and why he thinks I don’t know any better. I have prayed and will continue to pray about this one because I don’t it to lead to behavior number one. I have asked GOD to either show me he is cheating or take the thought/feeling of it from my heart.
3. The “I don’t care” attitude I sometimes show toward my husband. Sometimes when he tries to talk me about things he says I tune him out or come across as if I don’t care. I feel as if he overreacts to this just because I don’t respond right away or the way he thinks I should. It’s not that I don’t care it’s just I am taking in everything he says (cause it can be a bit much) and I am processing this information. If I interrupted him we would never get finished talking or be able to get his point across. I will admit that I go into my “I don’t care” mode when he talks down to me as if a child with no sense, or when he calls me out my name, or when he threatening to divorce me, or when he’s screaming and yelling at the top of his voice. Honestly who is really going to hear a word anyone says whether they are right or wrong acting and talking like that. So yes I do at that point tune him out at that point. But sometimes I feel like it’s a catch 22 cause when I do listen and attempt to agree with him when is right when we fight he calls me a smart ***, or something. Really what am I suppose to do, cause either way I’m totally misunderstood.
4. Isolating myself from others/everybody. I have a tendency to avoid everyone not just the person that upset me. Then sometimes I just want to be alone to lick my wounds. Honestly I enjoy being alone sometimes not just when I’m upset because it gives me time to unwind and regroup. Unlike my husband who feels the need to be around people or be the center of attention all the time, I enjoy solitude cause it allows me to think clearer, get back in touch with who I am and simply relax. I don’t always feel the need to be with people partying, hanging out or whatever all the time to relax. My idea of unwinding from a long work week is not always drinking, clubbing, and staying out all night all weekend, the weekdays too. This is another problem my husband and I have. I’m a nurse and I deal with different people all day everyday. Different attitudes, believes, feelings, moods, illnesses you name. So sometimes the last thing I want to do when I have free time is deal with people (sometimes drunk).
These are the four major things “I” need to work on for myself and I have begun to pray that GOD works with me on these things as well. Other than that today was a pretty good day. Didn’t say anything negative toward my husband today. I sent him a hello text just to let him know he was on my mind and was surprised when he texted me back. He did feel the need to go see his “friend” after work which explains why he didn’t get home till well after eight, but I am praying on this situation and I know GOD will work that out in his own time. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow has in store.
September 9th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
well, he hasn’t given me the 3 things i asked about yet. i don’t know why, but i always fast every wednesday for many reasons but most importantly that i fast that i will draw closer to God thru the means of fasting. i believe w/ all my heart that it is God that gives me the strength to go on in good and bad times; it’s amazing how much i am sustained by the Lord in every challenge that cross my way and i’m thankful for those challenges and adversity because i learned to be like the Savior thru it all.
today, i told myself that i’m not giving myself to my husband, but i’m giving myself to the Lord because he can do better things with my life than i do. all i have to do is invest in my marriage and be a good wife and person and let my husband decide whether he will be one or not. he may ignore me or rebuff my kindess, but that is what he has to take to the Lord. if he lies, he’ll have to take it up with the Lord. i need to point my l ife tot he Lord and do what is kind and loving to all i know. so, this is how i respond to day and forever.
September 9th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
oh, i forgot i need to let go of suspicion and distrust. i need to never go to where my mind says to go that feels dark and worrisome. i need to be where God wants me to be……my heart and mind to be with Him at all times, to be a flower among the thorns and honey among the bees. i need to be the pillar of love and a breeze instead of a storm. whewwwwwww….that done…..here we go till tomorrow.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:51 am
*I need to become more productive. Thinking of other ways I can help him to relieve his stress from the workday, so that when he comes home he is stress free. We have so much on our plate lately, with finances… schedules/routines, a new house, trying to purchase a new car. I need to learn more ways to help out with all of that.
*Working more, bringing in some kind of income, more than what I am.. and giving it to him to work out with all the bills we have to pay.
*I need to balance time for work, my husband, and most imporantly, my daughter. I want to spend more time teaching her… she’s at the age now, that she picks up on everything and will mimic me. I want her to grow into a beautiful young lady, and know her rights from wrongs.. now is the time to start teaching her.
*On the weekends, I want to stop planning on so many outside activities. I want to learn to balance my wants and Jason’s wants as well. I hardly ever ask him what he would like to do. I just ask him to come along on my endeavors. That’s selfish. He has a say too.
I need to let go of outside influences that I do not feel justify meaning in our relationship. From jealously, to picking apart our pieces. I need to stop allowing my daughters father to walk on me, and only deal with him when it is a must. That will relieve a lot of the stress in Jason’s life. I need to let go of the words that flow from my mouth like a serpent. I have to take a step back, and just comfort him when he is upset. I know myself and Lily can be a big annoyance sometimes when he just wants to come in and watch some football, I’m always on his case to do something. I have to let go of selfishness! It is me plus him, not just me anymore.
October 10th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I did this yesterday and it was hard. I had the day off work & my daughter and I took him to lunch. His choice. He mentioned he would like to have fruit to snack on at work, so after lunch we bought him fruit for him to have at work. We were going to the movies at 7pm that night. I was going with the kids to see a children’s movie and he was going to see a rated R movie with his nephew, which is something we’ve never done. He had not gotten home by 6:50 or called. So I left him a message that we were leaving. I was angry and hurt. But when I got there I bought everyone’s ticket, popcorn & drink including his. That was hard but I did it without arguing or fighting. I am trying.