Day 4: Love is thoughtful
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. . . .How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
—Psalm 139:17–18
TODAY’S DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
October 4th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
This was easy we were together all day it was his birthday…but we went shopping and all of a sudden I went over to the men’s section where he was and asked him if there was anything I could help him with…he thought I was sick and asked me if I felt okay LOL! Well today was a joy…and the journey continues
October 8th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Today sucked big time. I cant call my husband at work as he is in a factory. I made a nice dinner and apple crisp. Kids have church group and its the one night we get alittle time together just us two. But he announces when he gets home from work he if off fishing. I asked him how his day was. he told me. never got to the part if there was anything I could do for him. Had to race out the door with the kids and now home alone again. Was all day while the kids were at school and my hubby at work. Well I hope tomorrow is gonna be a better day.
October 10th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
It was not awkward asking my husband if there was anything I could do for him, but I could hear in his response that it made him feel uncomfortable. I decided I would take it upon myself to do something for him and get dinner put together and have a nice meal. I knew it was something I could do for him.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Again, at this point in our marriage, this is not that uncommon of an occurrence. Christine wasn’t particularly surprised to see that I had called. Actually when I called she had just gotten through dealing with our son Tony pooping in his underwear immediately after being told twice to go to the bathroom, so she was naturally feeling perturbed on the phone and didn’t get overly excited by the phone call anyway.
October 13th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
well today is going to be a little rough considering I am sick and hubby even though has been sweet since we started this hasn’t really done anything unexpected or extra besides our every day I love you. He is off today so I can’t call him out of the blue. I made him lunch which really isn’t unusual but after playing xbox with boys for hours he came to spend time with me and as usual fell asleep before I could give him his lunch but I’m not going to give up even though I am a little disheartened right now. God give me strength!!
October 14th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
This is tomorrow’s dare for me. I’m anxious on how to present this to him only because he does not know that I’m doing the dare. We saw the movie together on Saturday and this particular dare I felt was highlighted in the movie. I’m trying to think of a way to say/ask where it is not obvious. I’m not sure I’m ready for my husband to know that I’m doing this.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
This was an easy task for me since it is not unheard of for me to call my wife at work. Tomorrow (day 5) will be the real challenge.
October 15th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Today has been a really tough day so far. I’m not doing very good about staying positive and it has been really hard not to say anything negative to my husband. We are from Texas and moved out of state almost 7 years ago now. I have wanted to move home for over 3 years, but have stayed here for him (has a great job, etc.). So anyhow, he emailed me and asked me what I thought about him flying home for a weekend in November by himself. I am really hurt by this. I am the one that wants to work things out and he is still on the fence. I’m feeling discouraged and rejected. I also feel like he’s rejecting our 2-year old daughter. I just want to cry, but I’m at work.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Today went well but I didn’t get to talk to him as much as usual. We usually talk several times during the day anyway so calling each other is pretty normal. Neither of us seemed to feel very well again today but our conversations were positive. He was asleep in his chair when I got home and I startled him when I tried to kiss him on top of the head. He seemed to be really moody but came over for a hug a few minutes later, after waking up a bit. Another good day, PRAISE GOD!
October 17th, 2008 at 9:18 am
dreamingfire:
What if he is going back to look into job/housing prospects so you can move home?
Wouldn’t that be great!
Since you don’t know why he is going back, don’t assume he is being insensitive without reason.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Thanks for the comment luigia, but I do know the reason. He is going back to see his friends. He’s at a cross roads in his life … maybe a bit of an early mid-life crisis and it seems that he is regretting getting married and having a child. The child rearing/house work is my burden to carry even though I also work full time. And then he acts surprised when I’m tired and irritable. If he’s not having fun he doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. Right now I believe he would really rather be single. I am trying so hard, but I’m alone.
October 19th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
It was the weekend, so we spend most of it together. That didn’t really give me a chance to check in with him. So at one point during the day, I just asked him how he was doing, he said “fine”, but then I pressed a little harder and we got into a great discussion about some frustrations he’s had with me lately. I asked him what I could do to lower his frustration, and we talked out some ways that I could do that. All in all, a pretty good day.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:39 am
Day 4 - I woke up this late morning and sent her an e-mail. We have been communicating very well via email lately (since Monday). At work this is the best way for her to communicate. I kept the email brief and simply said hello and that I wanted to simply ask how she is doing? I also stated that I am completely available anytime today and I would love to hear what is on her heart. I also asked if there is anything I can pickup before I come home tonight. She emailed me back and praised the way I was loving her this week (also made me feel very special) and asked me if I could pickup milk. She stated that she was hanging out with a girlfriend tonight, and that their was just a lot of tension at work this week. She thanked me and said she talked to her cousin about what an awesome husband she has *blushing*. I emailed back. Completed day 4 and I am off to work this afternoon. It is a shorter work day so I will be home earlier so we can spend time together late tonight. These Dare’s has been a wonderful challenge and blessing so far.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Day 4 was kind of an odd day, but we both completed the dare. I had to remind him sort of about the “is there anything I can do for you” part. I needed him to exchange a printer cartridge. He asked me to pick up a snack for him. Not exciting, but he came thru again. This was a big deal because he had that printer cartridge in his car for about 2 weeks now.
November 6th, 2008 at 8:16 am
i did this one the other day so i must have been all turned around lol. and read ahead. i dont know what i was thinking…but i will do this again and day 5 today. i realized that he does this more than i do…he will email me from work just to see how i am. and i look forward to those emails. so from now on im gonna make it a point to send him a “love’ note at night so when he gets to work in the morning he will know im thinking of him all day.
November 7th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Wow I am angry again……..I feel my husband really really is trying to see how mad he can make me without me losing my temper.he says stuff to me and calls me cranky . like wanting to have a conversation when he is already gone from the house and I am trying to get me and the 4 kids up and ready to walk out the door. mind you the conversation is about nothing really just something he heard on the radio and I have reapeatedly asked him to wait until I call him from the car if I can when I leave for work. Also the hugging thing and this new thing of interupting me and keep on talking when I call his name and try to make the point or say whatever it was that I had tried to say in the first place before he interupted me…..and them he calls me cranky again and says stuff like oooooooh its killing you to hold your tongue isnt it?……my dare for the day was to call out of the blue and ask if there was anything I could do for him.like I said for yesterday’s post….i do these little acts of kindness ALLLLLLLLL the time I am always thinking of him and calling him…he doesnt have time to talk to me.during the day……..yet he spends a lot of it driving and talking to other people. I call him all day long ( at least once every two hours) he calls when he wants or says he can talk. I bought him a hat that he really needed and liked one that fits his head (stretch to fit) and its all blue like his uniforms…… I dont really feel fullfilled with the last few days dares. I dont know its a little disheartening …I already do this stuff!
November 10th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I’m getting very sad as well. I am on day 4 and it didn’t seem to go very well. The other days went well and he seemed to respond well to them, but he seems especially distant today. The background on us is that he has told me that he is not sure he still wants to be married to me. I tried this book as a last resort to save my marriage and I’m just afraid that he’s too far gone.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am
followinghimwhereheleads, Are you sure we’re not married to the same man?…or perhaps we are just so much alike and these things effect us the same. I know this is hard, but let’s not give up. We need to do this for US, not for them. Love is an expression of our relationship with the Lord, and if we learn to do this with so much rejection, we will be doing exactly like Jesus. It sounds like our husbands have some bitterness.
It is hard because my husband will tell people who are my friends at church how much he loves me but I get about as much attention as you do and no matter what, he doesn’t get it. It is a hard thing. I am hoping he will learn. I try to read the men’s posts on here so that I can understand how it would be IF my guy tried this, but I’m also having a hard time holding my tongue. Today, I didn’t call him, but got him something that I thought he might like…a few things. I’m not sure he even noticed because he wasn’t home much and I showed it to him and he didn’t act surprised.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
[...] Day 4: Love is thoughtful [...]
December 30th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Today’s dare is to call him during the work day to see how he is doing and if he needs anything. The fact that he was sick yesterday gives me the perfect excuse to call today. It also will help me find out if he’s at work so I can send him pizza. But, calling is not something we have done since he moved out in November. We have never called or seen each other except for at our last counseling appt a couple weeks ago. I’m nervous. i don’t think he will hang up on me or anything, I think I am more concerned about the rush of feelings I will have of missing him and wanting him home. I hope I don’t cry. Maybe he wont answer and I can just leave a message. UPDATE: I just called him for the first time in since he left. I was nervous and my palms were sweaty. He answered the phone and I could tell he was suprised. I tried to keep it simple and just asking if he needed anything since I knew he was sick yesterday. He thanked me and said no, and that he was at work. He continued the conversation by asking how I was doing and how things were going. Said he saw my picture from the Christmas party and that I looked nice. He did most of the talkng and asking questions. I wasn’t sure what to say, or how to act. So I’m afraid that I may have sounded sad because I was so quiet. I didn’t want to be all cheery though and make him think that I’m just hunky dory and moving on just fine. He ended the conversation (10 minutes of it) by saying I can call him anytime. I said thank you and hung up before I started to cry. I miss him so much.
January 1st, 2009 at 6:39 pm
What a great way to start the new year! Our kids were with grandparents and other cousins having a party and we had our party to go to last night. We had the first half of the day today alone and we used it wisely!! I asked him what he wanted to do for the day and he wanted breakfast from McD’s. We didnt realize what time it was but they were serving lunch when we arrived. NO biggy- we ate. He wanted to go thru drive thru and I asked about going in for a change. Good way to start a new year doing things different. He agreed so we went in. We cut up like teenagers and I saw a glimmer in his eyes I havent seen for quite a while. It was nice. We came home and I asked what I could do for him or help do. Well, the answer was personal and I will let your mind wonder on that!! lol It was a great great moment and day!! We went to get the kids and spent time with his parents and family. I even ate collard greens(which I dont care for)because it was in the newspaper that it brings wealth. So I ate blackeyed peas, collard greens, cole slaw and some minature pizzas to ring in the new year with lots of sowed seeds (so to speak). I spent a few moments early that morning with God thanking him for all he has given and guided me through and look forward to him holding my hand as we walk together through a new year of hopes, dreams, goals, and joy! Praise God
January 3rd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
that is inspirational….. I think I will take that challenge in the morning to do something different for once to spice up the relationship.
January 17th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Even though it was below freezing I asked if I could spend the day outside helping him with cleaning the barn & making sure our road was prepared for another snow storm by cutting off limbs & branches that have been held down by snow, making it hard to drive by. It was a lot of fun & I got a good workout & felt a sense of accomplishment as well as feeling good for thinking of him.
February 15th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
this one was easy. I do this all of the time so it was natural.. on to day 5
February 17th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
On day 4 my husband confesed he loved another woman and lusted after her….I am on pause now(we have seen the movie). Then I just found out early this morning that he slept with her MOnday!
Any supportive words from people with infidelity?
February 20th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Big hugs to you mybaby.
I’m sorry your hubby is not being a faithful partner.
Would hubby be willing to attend marriage counseling with you ?
February 20th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
This was easy for us as well, because we’re in contact throughout our day.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Today was the funeral my husband had to attend. He didnt want me there. I was kinda relieved, I have been under enough stress lately and than trying to be there together would have been awkward. So he thought it best if he did it alone but thanked me repeatedly for offering to go. So today was easy for day 4 to call and ask if he needed anything. I knew he would be a mess and need me. So I ran a few errands for him and found his tie. He was grateful and even hugged me today. Sad as it sounds but the death of his friend, actually humbled him a little and has him turning to GOD a little more. Its amazing but death always impacts people one way or another. In this case I think he realizes what he has and life isnt that bad, just our circumstances. I feel confident that I have been supportive and positive lately, thanks to the journal. It has helped bring him a little closer to me. I know that this is only the battle and the war hasnt ended yet. But its a start, and its better than where I was 5 days ago. At least everyday the love dare gives me a direction. I know it is moving me closer to GOD and changing myself, but that is where the miracle comes and without this book I would still be sitting trying to change him and not me. So I pray again for all of you and for our miracle.
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:37 pm
day four was easy for me since I am usually calling him throughout the day. However today is day five and I have no idea how i should approach him to ask him what I am doing wrong……Any suggestions???
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Hey mybaby, just finished reading your blog and it got me thinking about the movie. Don’t give up. Don’t let another woman take what is yours. Like Caleb said in the movie, you have advantage over her because you are already married to him. You need to face her. Do an investigation on her, see where she works or live and let her know that she is going out with a married man. Maybe she doesn’t know… Then let her know that you are no about to give him up without a fight. Obviously be civil about it and pray so that God may guide you. Then keep on with your dares, pray every single day so that God can intervien and help him find his way back home. Don’t give up!!!! Also let your husband know that you love him and that you are not going to give him up that easy.
February 28th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
[...] Day 4: Love is thoughtful [...]
March 1st, 2009 at 12:29 am
Hey there “My Baby.” It’s heart-breaking when we find out that our other half has been unfaithful. I have had to face that within the first year of my marriage. My wife started going out dancing with an ex-boy friend. I thought she was just with her girlfriends. They didn’t sleep together, but it was close. I told her that if she wanted to leave, it was fine, I would even keep the kids if that was what she wanted. They were her kids from a previous marriage. I was willing to let her go, because forced love is no love at all. This is why God allows us to “not” choose him. (I choose HIM) God gives us many instructions on fidelity. The seventh commandment states that you shall not commit adultry, and Jesus tells us that to look at a woman as to lust after her is adultry also. Matt 5:27
God also tells us to not separate ourselves from one another except with agreement to worship him, then come together again so that temptation won’t get us.
I’m not familiar with your situation, but I do know that when he said he lusted for her, he had committed adultry already in his heart.
What to do now????
If you want to keep your marriage, forgive him. When God forgives, he makes it such as it has never happened. What I mean by that is don’t hold his feet to the fire every time you turn around. Jesus is our example. I’m not saying to go on in ignorance. Be gentle as lambs, but wise as serpants.
Tell your husband that this will be a new beginning…a fresh start. His confession may have been a plea for a fresh start.
These 40 days will be a good foundation from which to build your home. Look closely and you will see that each dare corresponds to 1Cor 13. This is where God shows us what real love is. If your husband thought he was in love with that other woman, then he really doesn’t know what love is. He is married. Be patient, and allow God to teach him and you what love really is.
As a side note, My wife and I have been married for 21 years now, and I am doing this dare to try to better show her how much I really love her.
I will be praying for you…Please pray for me also.
March 1st, 2009 at 12:06 pm
I have been fighting for our relationship for 9 months now. He moved out. He has told me all along there were no other women. He has had female friends for as long as I’ve known him and I have never felt threatened by them. But he went out to a bar and got another girls number shortly after he moved out and began calling her. She is married, her husband is in jail and she is trying to get a divorce from him. She also has a guy living with her. I have learned all of this from his mother. When I confronted him with this information he told me he had only spoken with her the one time but after looking at the cell phone bill I found that he has been calling her the entire time, sometimes calling me then immeadiatly calling her afterwards. I believed things were going well between us, we hadnt been married but living together for 5 years. In November he proposed and all was going fine until his mother called me and said she didn’t like the way her son was treating me. I know Satan had his hand in this mess from day 1. Last summer I know God gave me concrete evidence that he wanted us to be together. Someone from work had sent me an email with a light at the end of the tunnel kind of picture, someone put a poem called \WAIT\ written by a firefighter of all people named Russell Kelfer, on my desk one day. My 8 year old daughter made me a cross at Bible School that has the words faith and prayer on it. Direct messages from God that made me believe that we were meant to be together. I have not looked at the entire book, when I bought it I wanted it to be fresh everyday. He has been comming to visit most wekends and he often leaves clothes here. He took the ring from me because I looked at the cell phone bill and confronted him with it. When I took his clothes to him, I grabbed the book and put it in the bag. An act that my son in law believes God lead me to do. I did it out of instinct, I wasnt even thinking about it, it just seemed like it belonged in there. Now he’s not talking to me I have still done the dares even though I dont have the book. My son in law is doing the dares for my daughter, he says because when they watched the movie he felt like he didn’t know her as well as he should. He is now on day 11 or 12. He says I’ve been doing the dares all along. He believes the book is now in the hands of the person who really needed it and that God lead me to buy the book for him, not me. I still feel like I should be doing the dares to help put our relationship back together. My significant other says I have nothing to worry about, He is not intersted in her that way, they are just friends. I believe him when he says he hasn’t had *** with her. But He did admit to telling her that he doesn’t \do one night stands\. If he didn’t want her in that way, why make that comment? The last time I saw him he told me he could not put my ring back on my finger! I wanted him to so bad! He gave it back to me so I put it back on. I did call him to ask if there was anything I could do for HIm like so many others, something that comes natural to me only I had to leave a message (day 4)
March 12th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Well Day 3 ended good but a little rocky b/c of me. He loved his gift and the note with it. He even posted the note on the mirror of our dresser. It looked silly but cute at the same time. The rocky part started when I saw that our 2 year old son had drawn on the wall. The house was a mess and I felt out of control at that moment. It was late and bedtime for my little one. His lovey was missing and he was broken hearted over that. He had a huge scratch on his face b/c of the dog from earlier that day and he had not had a bath that night b/c I got home late and just wanted to snuggle with him a little bit. Not to mention that my little was extra cranky b/c he had not had a nap that day.
So…..I did not blow, but I did go into overload trying to get everything in its place and mumbling what should have been done while I was doing it. This of course, set of my husband. When he gets upset, ugly words are said and a lot of yelling is involved. I used to do this and do every once and awhile. But for the most part, I have called down. Things settled down after everything was almost done.
Earlier that day, I called him to let him know I would be home later than expected. He was so ill. I went ahead and used today’s dare and asked him I could do anything for him and told him I was sorry he was upset. He just said “No” real hateful and said bye. That was really hard and almost brought me to tears b/c I had sincerely tried to be genuine and helpful to him. I let it go and did not mention it when I got home. Normally I would and then their is a big fight about how I think I am perfect. The Lord knows I’m not. I do try to be perfect though and make everything and everyone in my life perfect. Lord, please help me with these feelings and help me to lead my heart in the direction you need it to go.
I am going to do the dare again today and see if there is anything I can do for my Husband.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:59 am
This dare was easier last night. Things seem to be getting better. I really think my husband can tell a difference in me. I just hope that I keep it up and change for the long run and not just short term. I am a little nervous about Day 5. I don’t take critism well at all.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I am trying the love dare with my wife who has been having online affairs. I have not told her I know about them yet but am trying this vs just leaving.
March 16th, 2009 at 10:05 am
It is 9 am on day four and I have a problem. I think I will be with my wife all day, This dare seams to be aimed at a man and wife that gets more time apart. I am unsure how to handle this dare. do I simple ask her one or two times today? How is this difrant then normal? I am becomeing vary aware that I am more Fire proffing then putting out a fire still I am comited to making the changes I do need to make.
Thorin
March 24th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Will this dare was a little easy though Jeremy and I communicate on regular basis because of our daughter but other than that we just dont. so i try giving him a call and he doesn’t answer so then i decided to text him asking him if he’s alright and if he needed anything from the store and he has yet to reply but i’m not letting his actions discourage me i’m just holding my head up high and trusting in the lord
March 28th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
well this dare actually went really good for me as i had to go to her area to pick up my cousin’s son as he is staying here for the weekend. So when i got in the area i sent her a text asking how her day was going so far and did if there was anything that i could do for her or get her,I was not expecting a text back from her but she replied back saying that her day was going good and ty but she did not need anything and that she was just heading out to pick up her son who was at a friend’s house. I was beside myself though as i was pretty sure i was not going to get a text back from her.The Lord works in woderful ways
March 28th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Todays dare was really awkward, she is packing all of her belongings to take to her daughters house for storage. I still asked though if I could do anything for her or help in any way. ‘NO’ is her response. She has built this wall of hurt and her heart has become very cold towards me. We talked for a very short while, I asked her for 40 days to prove my love, she was shaking her head no. How is a cold heart warmed up again to accept Love?
March 31st, 2009 at 6:59 am
Day four..this dare should not be difficult as we communicate a lot during the day and this is something I would normally do anyway. He is supposed to have a doctors appointment and has already called to ask that reschedule it because of a business conflict. I will check later and ask if there is anything else I can do for him today that will make his day better.
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:51 am
tomcrofton - what a powerful message. I am experiencing a very similar situation with my husband. Your words are very encouraging. Thanks for sharing.
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:46 pm
dmh..I found that taking it to the Lord is the best way to get help with your problems. Simply ask God to rebuild her heart so she can love and be loved again
April 6th, 2009 at 8:51 am
I’m back, I just got a new computer from my husband so now I can get back to this journey I have been missing.
ok so today we have to contact and let them know how much they r appreciated and loved, well this is not hard because I text message him throughout the day and he calls “to check in” at lunchtime if he gets a chance.
April 17th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I texted my husband today to ask him how he was & if he needed anything. He said he was good & that he didn’t think he needed anything, but thanked me for asking. I wanted him to tell me that he needed something & then I realized that it was good that he didn’t need anything that moment and that the important part was that I asked & he responded. It was a positive reaction to me and lifted my spirits.
Now if I can just keep the negative comments from creeping in today. I know it’s not a part of the dare today, but the point of the other days was to show us that we can make it through the days without negative comments & that has been a struggle for me, but I think I’ve don’t pretty well. It just really shows me how many times that I say something negative not just to him but to others and even myself. I have been in such a better mood since i started this 40 day journey 4 days ago!
April 20th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I tried to do this dare but my husband rejected me all day and wouldn’t anwser my calls. When I came home he was gone to see his mom. He only sees her when i’m not with him because she doesn’t like me. Everytime he comes home from seeing her he is either angry with me or tells me how I ruined his life, he never mentions these things unless he spends time with her. She is really putting a gap between us.
April 24th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
I work 2 to 10 in the evening M-F and she works 2 days on/2 off, 3 on/3 off from 6pm to 6am. So I called her a few minutes ago. But this is nothing new because I call her or she calls me almost every night sometime between 8 and midnight and this hasn’t stopped with the request for the divorce. Actually last night we talked for an hour and we haven’t done that in a couple of years. I asked her if I could pick up anything and she said no but that she had run out of time in buying pearl earrings at Walmart, for a wedding we have to attend tomorrow, I was ready to jump right on it but she wanted to pick them up tomorrow on the way so since I am to have no agenda I let it go.
I love her.
May 24th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
[...] Day 4: Love is thoughtful [...]
May 26th, 2009 at 8:41 am
I talked to my husband many times throughout the day today and each time he said that he was having a great day. he also told me that he wasnot going to meet with the lawyer so he wanted me to call him and tell him that he wasnt going to be coming in and also to call our landlord and tell him that we werenot going to cancelling our lease.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Day 4 - well its kind of funny without even making time to read the dare for today I did it on my own. Since I had the morning off (working at night today) I spent the day taking care of our liitle one. My wife wanted to go to the gym today so I said I would feed Keyla and take care of her till you get back. When she got home we took time to take some pictures of the flowers I bought her the other day they still keep a smile on her face so it keeps me happy as well. Then of course niht came she shows up at my office to tell me she went shopping and I owe half the bill. I tried my best to talk to her in a calm voice and wanted her to understand that please if you are going to do shopping that requires me to pay also inform me first. She did not like that at all and we got into an argument. It was not a ton of money but with her birthday coming up and we have not bank account (so no savings) we split my pay check weekly each has his/her own saving to do what the please. I feel she saw all the things I have been doing for her lately and felt this is one more thing I would do without question. She did not take into mind I have a bill to pay and her birthday is coming up. We made up when I got home adn she understood my point of view and I understand how she felt after we talked. We made it a point to ask for forgiveness adn to communicate better both of us. Praise God! and his Glory! for these teachings. On a side note my 2 year old is now praying with me and she always wants to go first to thank God, its so cute.
June 7th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Day 4 - This was another improving day on our relationship. Since I work till 3 o’clock I thought I would call her about 1:30 to see how she was doing today, how she was holding up with the baby, and if she needed anything before I get home. I work and live inside an RV Resort so she asked if I would be going to town for supplies I said don’t worry If you need something let me know. She said she would rather I wait so she could get ready and we could go as a family. I let her know if she wanted I could pick them up so I could help with the little one. Nope get what you need done at work so you don’t have to go back at all. We headed ito town together, talking, laughing etc. I did have a little fowl up with dinner since I had our been asked by the pastor to help out that evening at the church because we had a large event the next day. We dont have alot of men in our church so we all pichin to do the heavy work. I didn’t get out till 11pm (from 6:30pm) she was not to happy snce usualy we are out by 8pm. So she stopoped by the church to see if I was ready and how much more time. I told her I’m not sure my love there is alot of work and only a few of us.” her responce was close the door and leave. ouch!
June 18th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I truly failed today. I contacted my wife once today during work and it was because she called me. I feel bad, but I am going to stay motivated and put that much more energy into tommorrow.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Day 4 - This was fairly easy to do as we usually call one another several times throughout the day or text. I did however try to keep the call about him and what he may need or would like help with. It turns out he forgot a few things at the grocery store, he asked me if I didn’t mind stopping and getting items on my way home from work. I did stop and get the items we needed.
Not too bad a day.
July 3rd, 2009 at 3:10 am
Wow this dare is difficult. I actually do call him at least once each day and sms him during the day. For the past two days he doesn’t take may calls or reply to any texting. I even email him. But i decided i would try today again, and surprise surprise he ain’t taking my calls. I was very hopeful this morning and now i’m disappointed. I kinda hoped by some miracle he would answer but he didn’t. I cannot do this dare because he will not answer. I’ve tried several times. I have done my task but it’s off no use since he won’t even pick up the phone. Very sad and feeling a bit depressed. Trying to focus on god but i feel like leaving work and just laying in bed the entire day
July 14th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Well today’s challenge was to contact your spouse sometime during the day just to see how they were doing and to ask if there was anything you could do for him/her. Well I thought after the way yesterday had gone that today would be easy simply because I am always thinking about Demond and wondering how is day is going. I just never take the time to call because I know he cannot answer the phone. Well about lunch time I called him just to see how work was going and to tell him that I love cause I do. He didn’t answer so I left him a message. I also texted him thinking between the two I should be covered. What a nice surprise when he texted me back a few minutes later ” I LOVE YOU TOO!”
Now that should have been the perfect ending to the day seeing as I didn’t feel the need to say anything negative besides I have been praying about this whole “cheating” thing and decided to let go and let GOD work that out. Well it’s Friday night no need to sit around the house when I know he will be out with his “friends” tonight, so a couple of my girls and I and decided to go hit the streets also. Just as I was about to leave that’s when Demond started questioning me about where I was going and what time I was going to be back cause he wanted the car. I’m like come on we have to just take yours but I didn’t say a word. He proceeded to tell me how much of a mess his car is in from work and that he didn’t want to get it on his “good” clothes. Well I suggested that I go get my friend have her follow me back to the house and we take her car. I do not like to ride with certain people cause when I am ready to go I am ready to go and I know how others are with their cars especially after they have been drinking and my friends had already been drinking. Demond stated that was cool he justed didn’t want to ride with his friend cause he know his friend wasn’t looking to come home and didn’t want to be a third wheel. I am not going to tell you what I thought.
I called my girl to find out where we were hanging out tonight and after the call he looks at me all crazy and said that was some “dude” you were talking to that was not a girl. Girls don’t talk to other girls like that. So I’m like what because I don’t talk all ghetto and hood to them calling them ******* or ***** but in a decent civilized way it had to be a guy, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! Now I’m thinking to myself “boy do you have some nerve”. I almost could not contain myself, but once again I bit my tongue and did respond in a negative way. I just thought to myself, I don’t want another man’s time, attention, affection, or anything I want yours stupid.!! I assured him that I would be back shortly, and to be honest I wasn’t quite sure that I would be.
Didn’t even make it out to the club the party was at my girls house. By the time I got there only one other person was missing in action and they were already drunk. I fixed a drink and joined in. Demond texted me about 11:44pm calling a liar, saying he knew I wasn’t coming back. I guess he sees how it feels. How many times/nights have you walked out telling me you’ll back just going to get cigarettes or hell gas and it turned into an all night event. I didn’t even bother to respond to it. He then called about 12:30am and left me a message (cause I didn’t answer the phone) calling me a damn liar and how he tried of the way I lied to him and that he will see me when he sees me. HA! HA! HA! ARE YOU SERIOUS!. I returned his call and it went straight to his voice mail, thank GOD cause I was about to let his *** have it. After several attempts to get him on the phone he finally picked and said some not so nice words then hung up. We did this a few more times and finally I gave up. On the way home I just kept thinking to myself how good it would feel to do the things to him that he does to me. If you can get this upset over a couple of hours out how would he react to me not coming home at all? It’s not like I run the streets everyday or every weekend for that matter which is more than I can say for him. Then I thought about all his walmart and cigarette trips. As I showered I thought I should not have come home at all. But I am trying my best not to stoop to that level I am trying really hard to change me behavior but it’s getting really difficult when you seem to be provoked by someone who appears to be your enemy. He walks in about 5:30 am wakes me as asks if I will take him to get his friends car cause he just went to jail. I asked how he got home and he said “the car”. The same car our arugement was about. I hate to say my car cause I don’t care when and if he uses it but when I do don’t make a federal case about. Hell from what you say I don’t do/go any where anyway so when I do you should be okay with that seeing has how he hasn’t taken me out in I can’t remember how long. He begins to tell me the story of how his friend got locked up at the waffle house and I’m thinking how ironic. He’s babbling on about how “he” should have just stayed home cause the night was messed up from the beginning (what cause you didn’t have the car to run the streets and see your little “friend” in while your boy hunted ***** that night).
I keep telling my husband that every time he mistreats me or does me wrong nothing will work out for him ever. It’s not that I am wishing anything bad to happen to him or for him cause I am always going to be his biggest supporter,but GOD says it will because it is not pleasing to him. I feel that he treats and puts everyone else ahead of me and has no regard for my feelings or needs. I feel as if I am his enemy at times and that he just tolerates me. I really feel like this is a no win situation. I know that I do not go to church the way I should but I am a stronger believer in GOD, I know that GOD has blessed me so many times and has done amazing things in my life and for my life and I know when GOD starts to work in your life the devil shows up and gets very busy trying to lead you astray, boy is he doing a good job this time. I really feel like giving up on this whole love dare thing. I am dreading what tomorrow may hold cause it is really hard being nice and attempting to show someone you love how much you love them when your upset with them and when you feel like you mean nothing to them. We may not even be speaking to each other tomorrow. I will continue to pray that GOD works his wonders in my heart, life and my marriage. I just feel so alone at this that its not even funny. GOD knows I love my husband so much and the last thing I want to do is lose him and feel like I did not do I all I could to save our marriage, so I guess I’m starting fresh tomorrow.
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
My husband and I email throughout the day, every day, but a few minutes ago I specifically sat down and wrote him an email that told him I was just thinking about him, and to let me know if he needed me to do anything for him this afternoon before he gets home from work. He doesn’t know I’m doing the love dare, so I’m sure he’ll wonder where that offer is coming from. *lol*
August 6th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Well…today’s dare was a bit difficult, because usually it’s my husband who calls to “touch base” every day. We also email alot. I was going to try and beat him by calling him first, but he had me beat. When he called, I did ask him how his day was going, but didn’t get around to asking him if there was anything he needed because I was in between meetings when he called. In any case, all is going well so far. Thanks to these concepts, the week has been really calm.
August 18th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Ok he made this super easy. I had dinner made and we were out working together in the yard and I asked if there was anything I could do (this fell on a weekend for us). He said just get him some dinner when we went inside… another day done!!
August 19th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Today, so far, was a sign of hope. As today is Day 4. I have definately made a concious effort all 4 days to say nothing negative to my wife. As i have stated on one of my original posts, Our relationship/marriage got so bad and nasty that my wife took out a restraining order by exagerating arguments and I personally feel that one of her friends had an influence in that decision as I have never placed my hands on my wife in anger and never have placed anyone’s safety in jeopardy. When I was served with this restraining order we were separated. I was upset and angry and filed for a divorce for the wrong reasons. I had come to realize that I DO NOT want this divorce at all. I am fighting hard with all i have for my marriage. I have told my wife that I love her with all of my heart. I am realizing now how much i hurt my wife by my actions and my mistake of filing for the divorce for the wrong reasons. She is very resistant to my efforts as in the movie Fireproof. Through this i have found God and have surrenderd my life to the lord. I told my wife that I am praying and have attended church. She is not receptive to religion right now, but i pray she sees the change that is happening in me and wants the same for herself. She has allowed me back into the home. She stated she is not stopping the divorce process but i feel that since she is allowing me back in the home, it is a sign from God that there is hope! So far she has been receptive to the daily tasks of this Love Dare. Yes, there has been struggle. Today, She was attending a one day conference in town. I called her around noon. I didnt even think she would be able to take my call, let alone accept my call. Well i called and I was shocked that she did. I explained that I didnt mean to disturb her day, but just wanted to call her to see how she was doing and asked if there was anything she needed for me to do for her today. she said her day was fine, and she didnt really have anything to request that I do. She asked about how the kids did today getting off to school and was pretty polite. I didnt smother her with professing my love or trying to make her feel pressure. I kept it simple and told her that i just called for that reason, and am glad to hear she is having a good day. It ended very peaceful, and I feel positive about it considering how negative things have gotten. I pray that she does take note of the change i am making in my life and realizes this marriage is worth keeping. I am anxious for tomarrow.
August 20th, 2009 at 10:07 am
well just to update the remainder of the evening. She came home and I had prepared dinner for the family. She said she was hungry and that she enjoyed the dinner that I made. WHen it came time to help the kids with the homework, i found that our son forgot some of his homework when she heard me and my son talking about this, she FLIPPED OUT! She lost it, began yelling and screaming and really making him feel like **** for this. I was very diplomatic about how I appoached this and i just tried getting her to calm down that he is in trouble for it but not a reason to humilliate him over it. She took that anger out and directed it toward me by insulting, telling me to leave, get out and never come back. I could have exploded back just as easily but i didnt. I concentrated on helping our son finish the rest of his homework and writing a note to his teacher explaining why the homework was not completed. Later as i was putting him to bed, i apologized for mommy being so angry and told him that she loves him and I love him. I reminded him that he just needs to make sure he has all of his homework with him. I literally pray to God EVERY time she shows anger, or hate, or any negative feelings. I get very discouraged at times. BUT I will not give up.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:12 am
Today’s dare was to ask my husband how he’s doing and whether there was something I could help him with…
I learned that we really don’t ask how the other is nearly enough. I also learned that I can do things for my husband - if I just ask what it is he needs.
I learned that I am really quite selfish, and even mean:(
I learned that I am not as thoughtful as I’ve claimed to be.
I learned that I need to be more submissive and to let go of things that are not meant for me to handle.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:14 am
This is from The Power of a Praying Wife:
Lord, teach me how to pray for my husband and make my prayers a true language of love. where love has died, create new love between us.
Show me what unconditional love really is and how to communicate in a way he can clearly perceive.
September 7th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
i think the dare for everyday besides not saying anything is NOT THINKING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE. i’m glad i release negative thoughts without saying them and the negative thoughts really are nonsense to me. i’m so much better in developing unconidtional love; it is truly pure joy. loving without strings attached let me sleep well at night. whether or not he responds in kindness, it doesn’t matter because i’m doing something that is better, greater and pleases God. as long as my heart is pure before God, i’m OK and i will let God handle my husband’s heart and actions. believe me, it is sooooooooo hard, but Christ can make things easier to bear and bring true joy.
i made a good breakfast for my husband and family this morning. the last 3 days since i began this love dare, i feel my heart being humbled, gentle and softened towards my husband, my children and other relationships i’ve had. this is so good.
today i called my husband to see if there was anything I could do for him and he said there was none and thanked me for asking. i need to do this throughout life……4eva. i’m so grateful for this love dare because i’m changing MYSELF and not my spouse. i believe my husband is responding well to this kind of christlike love; we’re both working on mending our marriage and i know God will help because He has a plan for marriage and families. i look forward to the dare for tomorrow.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
[...] Day 4: Love is thoughtful [...]
October 8th, 2009 at 9:12 am
I want you all to know what a blessing it is to read your comments and to know that I am not alone even if I feel like it. I started the dares a few days ago and God led me to this website after I called my husband at work after lunch and asked him how his day was. You have to love Google. His answers were short mainly one word, snappy and rushed. My feelings were so hurt that I didn’t ask him what I could do for him. I felt like giving up. You have to understand that we were best friends for 2 years before we were anything else. We have been together for 18 years and married 12. We have 3 young children (7,5 & 2). We started losing each other about the time our first son was born and since our daughter 2 years ago, we don’t even know each other. I think he doesn’t want to be a husband or father anymore and be responsible for no one but himself. I hope I’m wrong. After I got off work, I called him back and asked if there was anything that he needed. It turns out it was milk. HA! HA! I got home and he had fed our children and even fixed me a sandwich but he still feels so distant. I am not giving up. I have made our first marriage counseling session and I am taking myself and my 3 children to church on Sunday. I have to get us back to God. I am also blessed with the best coworkers in the world. They all rallied aroung me and encourage me everyday to stick with it. I pray for my marriage and every marriage out there.
October 8th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Don’t quit!! Standing in front of God, your family and friends while saying your vows and living by them is how marriage starts out. Almost 16 years later, choosing daily to love your spouse is how it continues.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:47 am
This dare was kind of crappy. It seems so easy, but I don’t have a cell phone to call him from.. so I had to make it a bit impersonal.. I IM’ed him on AIM. Of course, him being the sweet man he is… he didn’t ask anything of me. His day went well that day and he was in a good mood when he got home. So that was pleasant. Since he didn’t ask for anything, I just once again reminded him when he got home how much I appreciate all he does for his daughter and I and told him I loved him.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
[...] Day 4: Love is thoughtful [...]