Day 3: Love is not selfish
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.
—Romans 12:10
TODAY’S DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:54 am
Well I bought my husband the book about all the things Jesus said. I forgot the name of it because I ordered it on the phone. This book compiles in topic form the all the words of Jesus alone. I felt this will be good.
The test is tomorrow because he asked me to cook his favorite meal with cake and all for his birthday. In the past years I have always taken him out to his favorite place to eat..it was easier than cooking…hum and now thinking didn’t require very much of me just money….Now tomorrow I will have to be totally unselfish and cook and bake on the only Saturday that I have off…well I let you know how it goes. The dare for today has to do with not being selfish. Sometimes we as women think we are the least selfish of all. It seems we are the one always giving… however the book reveals when you count how much you’ve been doing for another…that in itself is selfish! I am guilty. It seems I have given out and now another thing I’m asked to give…well Jesus never stopped giving even when he was not appreciated…the Holy Spirit is still giving even when sometimes we are bitter or angry or just plain tired. So on-word I go! The birthday dinner of 5 years ever comes tomorrow (wish me blessing especially on the cake…I had to buy a cake pan its been so long LOL)
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I really hope it turns/turned out well. please do keep us posted. One this i have not read about is this: Have the two of you seen the movie together or are you working on these lovedares in secret?
October 4th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
We have seen the movie together and now as of today (one of my birthday gifts to him) we are doing the dare each individually. He at his own pace and I at my own. He just got the book and the Lord will have to impress upon him the importance of taking it seriously. I tried to relay it to him, but the rest is up to God. The dinner turned out well and at became a true joy just to see him eat it. Well on to the next journey…
October 6th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Day 3 was my best day so far it said to buy your spouse a gift to say that you were thinking of them . I was thinking as to what to buy my wife , when I saw something that said this is for her , it was just a small candle , my wife loves candles she uses them when she works in the house . So I Got the candle and a small gift bag made a small card and left it on her front seat of her van so when she opened the van she saw it , I was sitting near by in my car as she opened it , she called me on her cell to tell me how happy she was with it . It did not cost much money thank goodness I don’t have much LOL , these little gifts mean more , when they come from the heart then from an expensive store . It gave me so much joy to hear my wife sounding so happy after the very rough year that I caused her to have . My wife has the best smile in the world and I am going do all that I can to see it everyday .
October 6th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
That is very sweet. My husband and I are doing the dare together. I sometimes feel like he is just doing it and then sometimes like he really wants to. We started our marriage counseling last week and I’m hoping everything turns out well. The counseling was his idea and the love dare was mine but he seems to be enjoying it so far. Go see Fireproof together. It is a wonderful movie. I notices a small change in him right after seeing the film.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Today i bought Chocolate chips for my husband, But I baked his favorite cookies with them, So when he gets home from work He will not only have something I bought him but something I made him too from my heart.
October 9th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I am a shopper, so I thought this was going to be a piece of cake.
It was actually, more difficult than I anticipated, but also more fun.
It really made me focus on my husband for the day. All day long I sat and wondered “what am I going to get him”. I discovered there are so many things I think we could use, or that I want to have, but what about HIM? I wanted to get him something that had absolutely nothing to do with me. Nothing that I would use, want or even know what it was for. I wanted it to be completely unselfish and of no reward to me, except for the fact the gift of giving it to him.
He was not in a good mood all day. Just in an angry place. I really had to dig deep to want to give him something special and complete the task. I kept focused and this was about what I needed to do, not necessarily what I wanted to do.
I went to the hardware, lumber, do-it-yourself store and walked around for nearly two hours. Looking at everything I knew absolutely nothing about. Wondering……….does he have one of these, would he use this, would he like this? My thoughts were completely focused on his wants and needs and it really was wonderful and quite fun. I forgot about his attitude and grumpiness and didn’t dwell on the wrong-doings of the day. I now wanted to do something special for him and was finding great joy in doing so. It reminded me of when you are first dating someone and their birthday or Christmas comes along and you think and think about the “perfect” gift for them. Not just something to get you thru the occasion, but something you really think they will enjoy. Not something you are going to benefit from, or the house needs, but something THEY want.
In looking at different things, it made me remember a time a few years ago he had told me he would like to have a table for one of his saws. It was something in passing, but obviously I had stored it somewhere in my brain. This was the occasion for it. Totally unexpected and entirely for him. It was very heavy so I got help with it. Got it loaded and off I went. What a joy it was to do something for him. Not for us, or for me, but for him.
I was a little afraid when I got home to give it to him. I was afraid he wouldn’t like it, would be mad at me for purchasing it, or it would be the wrong style or brand. I worked myself up so much I considered returning it and then told myself how silly this was and realized that there are other times I would love to do something special for him, but because of these fears I don’t. I was doing this with the best of intentions and with a giving and loving heart, what could be more wonderful than that. His response and how he accepts the gift is not within my control. I cannot control what he is going to do when he receives it. I can’t be giving it to him for praise and appreciation, I have to give it to him because I want to give it to him regardless of what he says or does.
When I got home I settled in for the night and then I asked him if he could get something out of the car for me. He was grumbly and didn’t want to do it, but he did. I had put a hand written note on it “Thinking of You”. After about 20 minutes after he had brought it in he came upstairs to where I was and simply said “Thank You”. I said “You’re Welcome”. I didn’t know what else to say. He offered no more conversation. After a short while I asked if he was ready for bed and he said that he was. We turned out the lights and I said goodnight. Nothing more has been said. The gift is downstairs inside the front door, unopened.
I so wanted to ask him if he liked it, tell him my experience of picking it out and initiate conversation about it, encourage him to open it and see what it is all about, but I didn’t. I really am focused on this is what I wanted to do for him, I did it, and leave it at that. He is obviously working out his feelings towards it and about it and I need to let him do that at his own pace.
This was a wonderful experience for me in finding the joy in the giving……..certainly not in how it was received or the reaction it provokes. Although it does make me sad that we couldn’t share in the excitement of his “loving” the gift, I am thankful for the experience. It was wonderful to focus on him and what I thought would bring him joy and really concentrate on that.
October 9th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Dear Optimistic:
Doea your husband know what the present is? You say it is unopened.
October 9th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I didn’t wrap it, because it is too large. It is in its original packaging. So he does know what it is.
I have told a couple of people very close to me that I am participating in the “Love Dare” (actually one of them recommended it) and I told them about yesterday’s dare.
I do think I was disheartened by his reaction and I recognize that as wrong. I was reminded and have to keep reminding myself it is about the giving and the success that I completed the dare. Because of things in our past and disappointments associated with them I have stopped doing “special” things for him. I need to ask myself…..was I giving in the past for the right reason. Was I indeed giving for the gift of giving or giving for his acknowledgment, praise and appreciation. That is my own problem and not his and something I learned a lot about yesterday. My eyes were certainly opened and I think it really is a blessing.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I’m not sure I agree with what you have said (or even that I fully understand it).
I think it is normal to be disappointed at his reaction. But, I also think he probably likes it and appreciates it , just doesn’t know what to say. He is probably being thrown off-balance by your actions. Doesn’t know whether this is a phase or a ploy to change him or what. Probably feels he should just lay low and watch what’s going on.
Stay the course.
Best of luck.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Well, I kinda cheated on this one. I had every intention of buying something for Christine that says “I was thinking of you today” on my way to my chess class…but I just plain forgot. I had thought about it all during work, but forgot when it was really time to do something about it. But Christine did contact me saying that she was feeling totally wiped out from the kids, and I changed my plans so that I could take her out on a date. We had a good time, and afterwards, I suggested we go shopping for a bit of time together (she wanted to do something more before going home), and I looked for an opportunity to buy her something. I ended up getting her a dark chocolate bar. She was there the whole time though, so it didn’t have the same effect as buying her something while I’m out. I’ll try and remember to pick her up a cappuccino on my way home from work today.
October 13th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Well since I have had the flu or something I wasn’t able to go to town to buy my husband something so when he was still home , I sneaked on the net and sent him a e-mail about how much I love him and wanted to make our marriage work etc etc so when he got to work last night it was in his inbox waiting on him. He sent me a sweet reply back.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Weekend really messed me up. Not sure if anyone else has issues, but it’s tough to complete the tasks when your with your wife the whole day. So basically, I hit the “pause” button and completed day 3 on Monday. My wife really likes candles, so I bought her a Woodwick candle and had it wrapped very nicely. When she came home, she was surprised to find it. She really liked the gift because it crackles when it burns. So if any of you husbands out there need a nice gift, I would recommend it.
October 15th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
This one turned out to be pretty easy. He mentioned that he had been wanting the new Skillet CD so I picked that up for him today. He was very surprised and just loved it. He was very appreciative and said thanks a few times. I got some hugs and kisses too….Bonus!
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:24 am
Day 3 - I have a wonderful wife that has the very best attitude towards gifts and even the smallest gesture. Her heart and feelings towards gifts is like treating a “crumb like a feast”. Today I wanted to do something truly special just for her. In the past I would give her gifts like chocolate and taking her out to dinner for a true feast!! She enjoyed the comfort food and sweets but would say that she wished he had more healthy foods around the house and that she does her best to stay in shape and although loving it, it was not really encouraging and motivating. My mind was so focused on loving her and spending time over a comforting dinner that I was filling our house with unhealthy foods…not good for her or for me. Also when we were first married we lived in the big city (downtown) and once a week I would buy her flowers to tell her I love her and beautify our house…it lasted for almost 6 months…then we moved and now flowers only come around on special days. So today I thought and prayed and I went out and bought her a bouquet of flowers with a simple note that said Just Because…I was thinking of you today!! And I went to the grocery and bought a lot of fruit and cut it up nicely and put it all in a big bowl and had it in the fridge with a small not Enjoy!! I Love You!! She called me last night and was in tears. I did not know but she had had a very difficult situation at work at the end of her day. This really touched her heart and she is noticing changes in my loving actions. What is so special about this “Love Dare” for us is that she does not know, so each day is a special surprise and one more way I can show how much I love her. Also again, I am completely committed to making each dare as special as I can!! “Go All Out” is my personal motto for these dares!! And finally I am praying and asking God for guidance each day and he is lighting my path in a very special way. All glory and honor to Him!!
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Day three went very well. I didn’t have alot of time because of a meeting and having to get to work on time. I found him a nice set of license plate holders.
A short while after arriving at work one of the upstairs ladies showed up at my cubicle and started to set down a flower pot and gift bag. I looked at her confused and said ” thats not for me, you must have the wrong cubicle” and she said “Well your name plate says Julie”. Believe it or not it took a few more seconds for it to register that Scott really came thru on the dare for the day.
The gift bag contained an angel from Willow Tree….my favorite. Wow…I was blown away that he remembered. What you don’t know is that he forgot my birthday this year after 13 yrs of marriage and that hurt alot. Then when he found out he sent our girls out to get me something. He put no thought or effort into my birthday. That hurt. It took a long time for me to forgive him. This makes up for his poor judgement back in July.
October 24th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
well today i read the dare and my husband said what buy you something and i said it doesn’t have to be expensive and he said well that’s not going to happen and he just skipped the dare today. But i on the other hand know we cant afford much but i knew something would pop into my head throughout the day and while i was at the grocery store I rememberd how much he like Longjon doughnuts filled with cream so i picked one up for him and when i got home i gave it to him and he laughed and thanked me
October 26th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Day three and already I can see the benefits of putting my husband ahead of myself and my needs. Holding my tongue is still a little challenging but I must admit that day by day, it is getting easier. So the walls of anger, bitterness and resentment are slowly being chipped away by the love that I am showing my husband. Today I am challenged to buy my husband something that will demonstrate that I am thinking about him and love him. I found the perfect card that expressed my love and appreciation for my husband and a cute little “gift” at the book store that I thought he would like. The past months have been, well let’s say we were on the verge of divorce and we fought like cats and dogs and the level of respect that we showed each other was deplorable. The card I got for my husband was so fitting as it expressed that the troubling times we were going through were going to build our relationship and that I was sincerely sorry for treating him the ways that I had. He really appreciated the card and while he is not one to show a great deal of emotion, I know from his reaction that he was touched. I think it was just what he needed at that moment. His walls of anger and resentment are slowing being chipped away and finding postive things to say about my husband was becoming easier that I had imagined. This has given me new hope. Thank you Jesus for your Word and for those you have blessed with the gift of sharing these blessings with others.
November 6th, 2008 at 8:13 am
well this one was sort of easy today. sort of…as it was our anniversary. we went to dinner just the two of us..which is a real treat with 4 kids. and spent sometime together. but my “gift’ to him was a homemade “card” that had a saying and a picture of us on our wedding day. and a bag of autumn candy lol. it was a good evening together….baby stepping to day 4
November 7th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Man oh man well I had a bad outburst today.the family seems to be taking all advantage of the situation. Knowing that I am doing the dares they seem to have had a meeting and all decided…lets all be “bad” and not do our chores lets not put anything away and lets all not listen to anything mom says the first time. I was good biting my tongue up until bed time trying to stay positive but I lost it. I dont think i was condescending or mean but I yelled and put it all out there. My husband started this annoying new thing of hugging me no matter what I am doing when he wants to. I rush in after work take everyting out of the fridge have three things cooking or defrosting I am cutting veg. and sauteing and he says in his new baby voice I need a hug mommy hug. Now I have been asking him a lot in recent weeks.PLEASE i am begging you I am NOT your mother I am your wife I need an adult not another child (we have 4) living with us and 2 older ones from his first marriage. yet he finds it “sute ” to keep acting the child role. I bought him a special meal today his cholesterol is very high and I have been cooking and buying all really good stuff for him lately anyway but my dare was to think of him and get him something so he has been saying how he misses meat so I found two kinds of meatless grilled burgers and all the awesome trimmings and made them for him when he walked in the door. he loves food anyway but He liked them..I have to say these dares are not “hard” for me except the no negative words part. I always am buying things and thinking of my husband. I cook great meals for him and when I see something in the store I think he would like I get it for him.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:06 am
This whole thing so far has been full of obstacles. I’m wondering if this is really going to make a difference, but I am determined to try. Today, I was mad at my dh because he can’t pay our accountant for services from last year, but he bought himself an amp, and our taxes are so late the IRS gave us another 30 days. I’m overwhelmed with responsibilities because we need to have the tax information for a great deal many things, including a school we are applying for scholarship for for my oldest daughter in which our tax forms are necessary. Anyway, my dh can’t pay for the accountant’s bill, though they never said they wouldn’t do this year’s taxes. Anyway, with being a stay at home mom and an office manager at home, I rarely spend money except for groceries and necessary clothing or cleaning supplies. It is quite the boring time, though I try to make the best of it. I’m having a terrible time with being negative. I know God is not a negative God, except when it comes to sin. I’m really praying for God to help me to change in this. The way I look at it, I need to treat him as though he is the way I wish he would be…taking responsibility for his own commitments, and making sure our bills are paid. I am not going to go there, though. I will pray that I can look and him through the eyes of God. I went to a store with him and helped him pick out some work clothes…but that is not unexpected, so I’ll try tomorrow.
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
I bought him some dried sausage & some pistachios since he loves them both as a surprise. Then I made him a little picnic feast out of yummy munches.He was impressed.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
[...] Day 3: Love is not selfish [...]
December 30th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Today’s dare is to buy something for your spouse to show them that you are thinking of them. I will probably be a day behind on this one too, but I think I am going to wait until tomorrow when he is at work and send him and his co-workers a pizza for dinner. It doesn’t require that I see him or that he come over to receive his gift so I think it would work out nicely. And I think he and the guys will appreciate it. I tried and tried but it didn’t pan out. The pizza ended up not being delivered.
So instead, I went online to Starbucks.com and created a personalized gift card and had it sent to where he is staying. It will take several days to arrive. I know he will enjoy the Starbucks, and I hope he appreciates the extra special touch.
December 31st, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Well, it is New Years Eve! I had to run to the store to pick up a few things for tonight and made a stop by the magazines. My husband has a Harley and loves to look at all the different types out there. So I found him a magazine to read. He saw it on the microwave when he came home and wondered where it came from. He seemed to be appreciative. I havent been very good on the positve note today, so I have to do better at the party. I hope everyone has a great New Year’s and a blessed new year to come! God bless all our marriages
January 17th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I wasn’t anywhere that enabled me to buy anything. I had a huge opportunity to be patient & it actually came to mind & I stopped myself from reacting negatively, realizing that although he was wrong, I could stop & remind him of our commitment to try to be patient to each other. He said, “Whoops, I guess you need to keep reminding me.” We both backed off & had a good evening. We’re trying to learn for each other.
February 14th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
It’s valentines day.. I got up at 5:00 am to get my wife some roses. But at the store I started thinking that I am looking at this journey as “dating” my wife all over again since we were so close to a separation. I thought that if I gave roses to a woman that was unsure she wanted to date me right off it would scare her away. So instead I bought her a pink (her favorite color) Hydrangea, It came in a pink flower pot made to look like an old bucket. It had a small balloon heart on top that said “I love You” and had a bunch of hearts hanging from the branches. I bought a card that said “having you for a valintine makes me smile” It had a picture of a bull dog on the front with a big smile.
It was on the counter in the kitchen when she got up this morning. I was sitting at the table eating. She came in the kitchen and then turned around and walked right out. I thought to myself that I may have pushed our working on the marriage a little too far. I know in the past sometimes we are getting along great but if I push intimacy into the picture Wife would back off and become withdrawn again.
But I did not let this affect my attitude. I finished eating and then went into my shop to work on my jeep, I little while later she into the shop and said “thank you for the flowers, I really like them…I was half asleep when I walked into the kitchen before and I didn’t even see them……
So she did notice, She liked them, She did not back off like in the past when I “pursued” her with something intimate and right now she is still happy…..and did not become withdrawn..
February 20th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
My hubby made chocolate covered strawberries for me. Yum.
At bedtime, I was pleasantly surprised to discover our bedroom filled with candles. Very romantic.
We’ve been together for 11 years, and this was the first time I’ve experienced a room filled with candles, or had chocolate covered strawberries.
I’m really enjoying seeing him put forth the effort to please me, and be romantic. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. A girl needs a little romance from time to time.
I purchased him a new CD. Seemed kind of lame in comparison.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Day 3 for me was kind of fun. I challenged myself to be creative and caring. My husband had a funeral the next day and has been sick. So what I came up with was a gift bag with healthy food, drinks, cough drops and medicine to have in his truck for the next day. I know him enough to know that when he is sick and stressed he doesnt take care of himself. So I bought him a nice card that said \since I couldnt be there to care for him I wanted to make sure he had the stuff available to do so himself.\ I stuck it in his truck after he went to bed so he would find it in the morning. Which also saved me from seeing his reaction in case it was negative. He did call and thank me later and made a point to at least eat the bagel. Thats something. He even said, HI HONEY today which has not been something I have heard in a while. So I guess day 3 for me gave me hope, and I really needed that. So I will keep praying and keep hope alive and I will pray for all you to find hope also. Stay strong and remember we are not alone.
February 25th, 2009 at 11:28 am
My husband so appreciated me putting his clothes away yesterday. He cooked dinner last night and i cleaned up after.
on to day 3, well today is special because we are celebrating 3 years and 3 months of marriage, I wont be able to buy him anything until we get some money. I did text message him telling him I luved him and happy anniversary, havent heard back but i know he is very busy at work he will usually call at lunch time if he gets a chance. I am enjoying doing for him and when he does for me it is soooo special.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
[...] Day 3: Love is not selfish [...]
February 28th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
[...] Day 3: Love is not selfish [...]
March 11th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Day 3 seems to be a little easier. I did not complete my dare last night but I did do it this morning. It is very petty, but I fixed him a cup of coffee when I fixed mine. Bless his heart, he was very suprised. I am going to try to do that more often because it made him feel good. Today I had to buy him something. Although it is something he is needing, I hope it is still the same. We had a little bit of a confrontation last night regarding our son’s soccer pratice. It went better than I could have hoped for. I know this dare is not going to be easy, but it seems that today is a little easier. I’m so excited about the little something I bought for him. His big ole heart is going to love it.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Well Day 3 ended good but a little rocky b/c of me. He loved his gift and the note with it. He even posted the note on the mirror of our dresser. It looked silly but cute at the same time. The rocky part started when I saw that our 2 year old son had drawn on the wall. The house was a mess and I felt out of control at that moment. It was late and bedtime for my little one. His lovey was missing and he was broken hearted over that. He had a huge scratch on his face b/c of the dog from earlier that day and he had not had a bath that night b/c I got home late and just wanted to snuggle with him a little bit. Not to mention that my little was extra cranky b/c he had not had a nap that day.
So…..I did not blow, but I did go into overload trying to get everything in its place and mumbling what should have been done while I was doing it. This of course, set of my husband. When he gets upset, ugly words are said and a lot of yelling is involved. I used to do this and do every once and awhile. But for the most part, I have called down. Things settled down after everything was almost done.
Earlier that day, I called him to let him know I would be home later than expected. He was so ill. I went ahead and used today’s dare and asked him I could do anything for him and told him I was sorry he was upset. He just said “No” real hateful and said bye. That was really hard and almost brought me to tears b/c I had sincerely tried to be genuine and helpful to him. I let it go and did not mention it when I got home. Normally I would and then their is a big fight about how I think I am perfect. The Lord knows I’m not. I do try to be perfect though and make everything and everyone in my life perfect. Lord, please help me with these feelings and help me to lead my heart in the direction you need it to go.
I am going to do the dare again today and see if there is anything I can do for my Husband.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:37 am
It’s too bad that we didn’t read ahead to Day 3 while on Day 2, because my husband and I both did kind gestures and bought something for each other on Day 2. I told him today was going to be a day to continue with Day 1 and reflect on Day 2. ‘
I wish I had the surpirse to give to him today instead of last night, because he just couldn’t appreciate it given the circumstances that led up to him recieving it. I pray he reaches into his heart and realizes that it was bought out of love and my heart was in the right place when I gave it to him. Unfortunately, I hurt him with a comment on My Facebook that I have since erased.
I love this man with all my heart and soul and I pray that God speaks to us daily to cleanse our hearts and minds of the impurities that we harbor for one another’s past actions.
I know that my heart is open and I feel that his is too, but at times his closes due to circumstances around us…I can’t wait for his heart to open and stay open til death do us part.
March 16th, 2009 at 11:24 am
I am kind of getting mixed up on my days! lol!
Quick summary: On day one I bit my tongue. (No seriously, this is something I find myself doing a lot.) - what I didn’t realize until just a little while ago is that my husband does it a lot also.
On day two I made supper for hubby (he usually does most of the cooking) and we all watched a family movie together. Nice.
On day three we had a big blow up! Yesterday had been a beautiful winter day, and we had made plans to go tobogganing as a family, but the day got away from us and we ended up not going. So today we determined that we would go for sure. Hubby started to say it was the kids and I who had ‘bailed’ on him yesterday, and I mentioned that he had been sleeping. He got angry, and said that I should have woken him up. He thought I was blaming him, and then said that if it had bothered me that he was sleeping then I should have said said something. But I was still trying to practice day 1! I did not want to tell him about the dare yet, so I just agreed that I should have said something.
In the end, we all did go tobogganing and it was a wonderful day. But hubby is still angry, and I missed my choir practice.
As I said, I am a little mixed up on my days; let’s just say on my third day in the program that I revisited Day 1. Mind you, even though I didn’t buy something for hubby yesterday, I did give up choir practice so that we could have a full afternoon of family fun.
None if this will be clean, or sequential. I think the important thing is to keep going, so… on to Day 4.
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:58 am
For this dare I found a bracelet that i bought my signficant other a while back and saw that he never even touched it so i polished it up but it in a nice gift box then wrote him a little note while doing this. i found our daughter’s footprints when she was born and i put that along with it and told him that i was thinking of him and he said thank you. so on with day 4 tomorrow i just hope it will go as well as it did with today
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I’m always buying him cards, just to say that I’m thinking about him, so I had to really go out of my “box” to do this dare. We went to Starbucks this morning and he usually pays, so, I bought him coffee & breakfast. Nothing too fancy, but enough to catch his attention and say “Thanks, babe.” It was nice. Our day started off great, and really set the tone for this week. I pray daily for us, and just within the three days so far, I’ve seen a big change in the both of us. More changes to come, I hope! God is working wonders in he & I.
March 27th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
This dare was actually really easy. I stopped at the grocery store towards the end of my run and got all the things he loves but never gets because I’m not fond of them. I got him chunky chunky peanut butter, cottage cheese, and the honey that comes with bits of wax and plant crud in it. He was stunned! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him as happy as when he had his extra crunchy peanut butter and honey sandwich on extra wheaty bread. It’s definitely not my thing, but I feel like my vocal abhorrence of honey has deprived him of a simple joy.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Okay, I am new here. I am on day three. I tried very hard to think of a way to let him know I was thinking of him today. I decided to send him red roses…the symbol of love….right. Well I sent the roses with a card that said Thinking of you brings Joy to my Heart and a smile to my lips. He called and was surprised and said the roses were beautiful…BUT…\I would have rather had a dozen golf balls\…and added not really…because I think he realized it didn’t sound very sweet. Well, now I feel sad, as if somehow, I didn’t do it RIGHT. I am torn between just letting it go and actually going out to get the golf balls….what do you guys think? Should I do MORE or just let it go and work on day four tomorrow? The first two days were not difficult at all…I think they both went very smoothly and his reactions were very positive…anyone?????
April 16th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
For day three, I was wondering what to get my husband. I surprised him by picking up some donuts and a special cheese that he loves. We kept in touch most of the day which was nice. I want us to get closer, therefore, I am glad for this opportunity because it help focus on what is important. I am still strongly encouraged and looking forward to day 4.
April 17th, 2009 at 11:30 am
For day three, I actually just picked up his favorite candy, peanut m&m’s. He didn’t know I had started the Love Dare as he does know about the book & has seen Fireproof, but after me bringing home his favorite candy, he guessed that I had started it. He was happy with the candy, but was even happier that I had decided to start it. He said he had noticed some changes, but until I brought home the candy, he didn’t know what the difference was.
The biggest problem for both of us in our marriage is the negative comments and blaming each other for the stupidest things. I had to really work today on my negative comments & slipped up a time or two, but apologized.
He said he wants to start the Love Dare and hasn’t yet, but I don’t really care if he does or not because that is not what my journey is about. I am learning alot about him, myself and our marriage. We don’t have a bad marriage, it just could be better. I want us to feel like it is fireproof.
April 23rd, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I won’t see her tonight since she will be working. Do the Cheese Hotdogs from day 2 count? Just kidding! A card or flowers seem to cliche’ since it is so soon after her request for a divorce. God will give me direction. I have peace and I am starting to get my joy back. God is faithful!
April 24th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I bought a 4 picture frame and put pictures in of her and her nephew skydiving together. I had asked her in our first year together what she always wanted to do and she said skydive so I got together with her family and we bought her a tandem jump.. Her favorite nephew is a skydiver. Her nephew was in a motorcycle accident last month and has brain damage and she told me the other day that the jump with him was the best birthday present that she had ever received.
So I prayed at work last night and followed His lead. She came in from work this morning and climbed into bed and told me she liked the picture frame and thanked me for it. She reminded me, nicely, that we had a bunch of picture frames in the house. I said I knew but I needed this one.
God is awesome!
May 6th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Im on day 3, and I am running on faith alone, my wife and i have only been married a short period of time and it seems like its not going to last much longer. After much denial I admitted to her that I had watched porn on more than one occassion during our engagement. That and a whole bunch of other neglects drove her to believe that I do not love her and now she has created a sense of hate towards me. I have since repented and am seeking for restoration. I understand everything has its consequences but I am pleading for restoration. Today I bought her a flower with a base and I ran home and put it by her bed along with a picture of us and a letter confessing my sins and pouring out my heart to her. I will not be there to see her response but I pray that her heart may be softened, even if its just a little bit.
May 20th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Day 3. I bought my wife a CD from Chris Tomlin and one from Casting Crowns. We are separated and she works nights so she didn’t see it until she got home from work. she called me as I was approaching my parent’s home where I am staying. She said Thank You and there was a sweetness in her voice that is part of what I’ve come to miss from her. We shared a little about how I came about the particular items and the gift bag. I had written on the card that I thought about her that day and every day. When I told her that I meant everything in the card especially the thinking of her every day I became emotional and had to end the call. I so want to see our marriage restored!!!!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
[...] Day 3: Love is not selfish [...]
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:53 pm
I’m cheating just a bit on this one.
Yesterday I actually bought him a card that I put on his truck with a cd he had made me along time ago, showing his love to me.
Today and tomorrow, for day 3, I will be taking him dinner to his work, since he will be working late. ^_^ He has already seen a change in me and he is seeing the person he first fell in love with. I’m really happy.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:37 am
I bought my husband a card yesterday and wrote him a sweet little note inside. he also called me during the day and told me that he left his lunch at home. i told him that i was able to stop by somewhere and bring him something if he would like me too. he went back and forth on if he wanted me to or not but by the time that i was out of school he called and said that he would like it if i did so i ran by the grocery store and brought him something to eat.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Yesterday was my Day 3, I had purchased a dozen roses and a card for my wife asking to allow us to rediscover our marriage. She has been asking for a divorce since my birthday on May 5th. She has been talking to another man abouta week prior to that, but swears she is leaving since I had an affair over a year ago and she can never trust me again.
When she got home after spending the day with the other man, she seen the flowers and card, and told me I needed to f*ing stop
This is going to be a hard struggle to show my love for her and that I want our marriage to work.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Day 3 - I went and bought flowers today a dozen pink roses. I know that they where not red I had asked to see the selections of flowers that where not pre-arranged. I saw these and new that she would love seeing the in the house. I made it a point that she understood today was her day she could do what ever she wanted without questioning. Then with her out of the house and happy I had time to clean the house for her and get our baby all tried out from playing with me so when she came home she could just relax. When she came home she was tired but when she saw the house and flowers what a perk up! So I ended the night with a gret body massage.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Day 3 - Well I kinda got a jump start on this one when I purchased the Love Dare book as I saw a book that I thought he might enjoy. It is a Fathers Inspirational book with different quotes and sayings through out.
I did take time to read through some of the book and put little notes on pages that made me think of him as a father to our girls; also noting ones that I liked in general.
I am now on Day 5 and still do not know if he has looked through the book yet or even realizes that I got it for him. I don’t want to ask him but during the last few days I have moved it back out for him to see only to find he had moved it back out of his way.
I haven’t given up; just learning to let go of little things that use to bother me.
June 25th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Honestly, Im debating whether I want to do day three. last night in ahug fight my husband took off his ring and told me it was over.
We have been married less then a year.
Im still going to do it, yet im not sure what to get him.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:34 am
The first year is the most difficult. It is when you learn how your partner deals with anger, how they cope with confrontation, disappointment and pain. GIVEMESTRENGTH…the wearing of the wedding ring is often seen as a sign of committment…he clearly did that in anger…seek to talk about things with him…ask him what he is struggling with…ask him what has disappointed him about the relationship…How are you doing? Keeping a journal is a wonderful outlet…at long as it remains private…we often express so much of our pain and disappointments of our partners that is extremely damaging to them if they would find out. Speak in a praising manner of your husband…remind yourself of all his positive qualities, why you did indeed chose him to be your husband, plan for the future..have something to take care of…great house plants, fish, turtle, something that the both of you can direct care and nurturance towards..
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:24 am
Today he was very pleasant and thoughtful towards me, he did shout at me that i was making him late for work but honestly i was being a bit laid back this morning. We stopped at the garage before work and he bought me my favourite milkshake and sweets. I said thank you and decided to also thank him for helping me with the laundry and washing the dishes for me the other night. He looked confussed and i think he thought i didn’t notice. He said YOU WELCOME with a pleasant smile. He still isn’t wearing his wedding ring. And i asked him why he didn’t sms me yesterday, he said he had forgotten his phone at home. I know that is a lie because i looked at his phone to see the time on our way to work. I’m not even going to make that an issue. I am totally honest about the things i do and i will contiue to do so. I want to go buy him a lovely card and a shirt today. After reading this book today i decided i’m not going to look for comments and wait for replies but simple do things because i love him. If i get a thank you then it’s a bonus. Thank you my great father for the peace that has reined in my house for the past 5 days.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:25 am
Oh thank you hegemony for you advice, it does help
July 10th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Well day three is complete. I decided to do it early rather than later because of last night. I thought I better get it out the way in case my husband was going to have another late night. It was still hard to bite my tongue about the 3 am phone call last night but I made a vow to let go and let GOD handle that. I am counting that has my not saying anything negative for today. This particular issue has been really hard for me so I am so very proud of myself for just letting it go. In addition to not being negative I also had to give a gift to my husband that let him know I was thinking about him. My gift was a balloon with a bear and candy. The balloon had the saying…
“TO ENCOURGE YOU”.
There is nothing that GOD can’t handle. May faithfulness be your encouragement for today and all your tomorrows”.
I chose this gift because I wanted my husband to know exactly that. That GOD can handle everything including our marriage, and that I have and always will have faith in him and in us. Even when I do not show it, or say it I believe in him. He was genuinely surprised by my gift and as he gave me a kiss I could tell it had encouraged him already. I will continue to pray for my husband, as well as myself and our marriage. I pray that my husband’s heart feels that I am never against him no matter how upset I may be with/at him. I have made a commitment to leave the past in the past for I cannot change what has already taken place. I can however change today and possibly work on changing tomorrow.
Even though it has only been three days I already see a change in myself. I am learning not to say such negative things which in turn is teaching me not to look at things or think in a negative way. It is also teaching me to choose my words more carefully so that what I say isn’t negative or doesn’t come across being negative in any way. I thank GOD for the small progress he has made in my life. I am looking forward to day 4.
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Day 3 (which was yesterday for me) was great. My husband is an “idea man” and never has a pad or paper around when genius strikes. I bought him a cute pad of paper that has “The Idea Pad” written across the top. It’s very small, and can easily fit in his back pocket. Now he’ll have a place to write down his ideas when they come to him, rather than hoping he’ll still remember them by the time he finds something to write on! Since I always tease him that his ideas are a little out there, this way I can encourage him to write down the next idea he has, rather than joke about it and possibly make him feel bad.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
[...] Day 3: Love is not selfish [...]
July 30th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Only on third day. How do you continue when your spouse seems both unresponsive and determined to remain negative?
August 6th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
I looked foward to day 3 because I looove shopping! What was difficult was the emails I was getting from my husband about our teenager. It seemed they were coming every 3 minutes! Given his “spirit” during these emails, it would have been really easy to sink back into the usual jabs I wowuld take, but I didn’t. I held to the encouragement of days 1 and 2 dares and spoke the truth in love, sprinkled wih a little kindess. Whew…I survived! What did I get my husband? He loves stuff that smells good, so I got him something from Lush Life. It’s a sandalwood scented “bath bomb” (one of his favorite frangrances) I’ll let him be the first to christen the jacuzzi tub at our vacation villa next week :-)! He was very happy.
August 18th, 2009 at 11:50 am
This day was a little tough. I was on my way to the corner store to get ice and I thought to pick up his favorite ice cream.. just as I was closing the door he shouted, please bring me my favorite icecream… I thought.. ugghhh… that was my \Thinking of you item’. At the store I saw an old time candy \chic-o-stick\ that I recall he said he had not had in a very long time, but really liked so I picked that up… Day 3 done!
August 31st, 2009 at 2:38 am
This one was relatively easy for me. I’ve been asked to send his fathers picture back, as its the only picture he has of his father (deceased). Prior to shipping it, I decided to have copies made. Framed a 5×7 for him and then had 3 4×6 prints made for each of his children.
I know how much sentiment means to him…and his family means alot. I hope he will see the thought behind this…
September 4th, 2009 at 4:07 am
I really liked this one, but unfortunately I am out of work and literally have no money; So was unable to complete this task… yet.
September 6th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
kind of hard to find something that says i was thinking of you today, but i did get my husband something. it also hard when he was around when i was looking, so good thing he had another store to go to, so i had time to think and look and eventually bought him a full course drum kit and a far side gallery book (he loves drumming; he’d always be drumming on his lap, so the kit comes w/ drum sticks and practice pad as well as a book w/ lessons and what not. he looooooooooooooves far side humor. he’s got a great sense of humor and will always crack a joke.) he looooooooooooves it and started using it right away. when i gave the stuff to him he said i didn’t have to buy him any gifts…..oh, i felt turned down, but i said to him it is not a gift; it’s just something i thought he might like. he was OK with that. i did get a hug and a kiss.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:45 am
This is always fun! I had no idea what I was going to buy him, which I’m normally pretty quick to think of what he would like/needs. I didn’t have much money, so that put a dent on it. So I just thought of something simple. He wanted a specific video game, he went with me and picked it out… I bought it. It was something he played with his father years ago. I knew it meant something to him. I also got him a card that just said everything that I feel for him in a few short lines.. I wrote in my own words “I was just thinking of you today”
and I also got him some underwear that I like on him. LOL. That was a little something for the both of us. But he loved them.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
[...] Day 3: Love is not selfish [...]