Day 2: Love is kind
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
—Ephesians 4:32
TODAY’S DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:26 am
Day 2 An Unexpected Gesture: Act of Kindness
I didn’t realize how hard this would be. I have supported my husband and self for the past 6 months while he was laid off. I worked two jobs at times…I though this was enough. When I read this next dare two, I wondered what else I could do; I felt I was all expended…
I looked and noticed he had not fixed his lunch for the next day. I wasn’t going to do this, I had done enough already…Then I realized this would be the true act of kindness and love gesture. Why? Because for some ‘hidden reason’ I really didn’t want to do it. I then got up and made my heart do what was right. I made the lunch and posted signs all over the house so he wouldn’t forget the lunch.
Afterwards I began to realize I have bitterness and resentment in my heart. Things I wasn’t aware of. I began to feel pain, disappointment of all kind…God help me, and cleanse me of these ‘secret sins’ these things in my heart I wasn’t even aware of. I confess my bitterness and resentment against my husband. I confess my feelings of not feeling appreciated. I confess my feelings of being used and taken advantage of. I confess every ungodly feeling that is not love against my husband against my God. You gave me my husband Father God, you make no mistakes. My anger and bitterness and resentment towards him, indirectly was towards you because you gave him to me.
Father I confess my sins, renew my heart, take out this bitterness, this rudeness, this harshness, make me kind, make me gentle. I cannot do this but you can…This I ask in Jesus name. Amen
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:36 am
Well I found out my husband appreciated the lunch but didn’t eat it! At first I felt rejection…after 5 years of never fixing his lunch and the one time I fix it and he eats something else…then I said to myself I did this unto God out of my heart and of God I will receive the reward. So after a bit of praying for no bitterness to enter in…and nothing negative to come out of my mouth…I won! Was it hard, you bet…but I won!
October 9th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
It is really difficult to express kindness to someone you are not particularly fond of at the moment. It is a great personal accomplishment for me to do something kind for someone that really in every sense is on my last nerve and I want nothing more than to get away from.
In reading and thinking about this dare it really made me think about what I do as acts of kindness towards my husband. I went into it thinking “I do everything, I am soooo kind, I go above and beyond”, and then with closer examination I realized perhaps that isn’t always the case. I looked at different things and realized, you know that might be hard for him to live with, perhaps that isn’t so kind or considerate. One of the things is my “clutter”. In my work I have to bring flowers, containers, and wedding items home. Clean them and bring them to my office. Sometimes (in giving it thought….more often than not) I get busy with other things and neglect to get the flowers, containers and other items out of the kitchen as fast as I should. Instead, because I am busy, I leave them there and not that I expect anyone else to take care of them, I guess I do expect others to have to live with it. In realizing this, I took care of the flowers and containers. Got them packed up and put away. Then in thinking about it, I wondered, well was that really an act of “kindness”, it was something that should have already been done, and thought I needed to do something else. I then took my husband to join a health club we have been talking about joining, but I have been putting off (I really am not that interested), and took care of that. Then again, I questioned, but was that really showing him an act of kindness, this was for both of us. Then I bought him a quick dinner, thought again, “we had to eat anyway, was that really an act of kindness”. We then went to a gas station and I purchased a drink. I had asked him if he wanted anything and he said he didn’t. After I checked out I noticed he was standing behind me and had decided that he did indeed want something. I got my money back out and told the lady I would get his energy drink. There we had my act of kindness!
October 10th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Well, day 2 is finished and I’m not exactly sure how I feel about it. All day I was thinking of things I could do that my wife would appreciate. The excitement and anticipation were awesome. I was really wanting to impress her.
I finally decided to race home after work and start cleaning the house. I was able to clean both bathrooms (toilets don’t scare me) and straighted up whatever I could find before she came home. I knew this would be a blessing to her, because to be honest, when she is usually working like crazy to clean the house on Saturday’s, I’m sitting in front of the tv watching football or whatever else can drain my braincells.
So, when the big moment arrived, and she came home…..NOTHING! No “thank you”, “wow you’ve been busy”, or any kind of comment that she even noticed how hard I had worked. It kind of irritated me at first, but then God spoke to my heart and let me know that I have NEVER acknowledged all the work SHE does. I think part of it is that I grew up watching all those tv shows where the man goes to work and the wife takes care of the household duties. My wife works, so I can’t put this burden on her each week. I know if I were her, I would not look forward each week to cleaning the entire house pretty much by myself.
This challenge definetely showed me that I need to grow up and share in the responsibilities. I can’t wait for the next challenge. Lord, I’m here with an open heart. Change me to be the man that my wife deserves.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I called my wife from work to ask if there was anything I could pick up for her from the store (we were having Nathan and Maggie Reeves come over for dinner). Christine sent me to get some groceries. Nothing too exciting, I suppose. One thing I did notice, however, was that Nathan and Maggie, while they showed a lot of affection for one another, also occasionally joked about the things I used to joke about like sleeping on the couch (when one was winning in the games we were playing). I know that they didn’t mean anything at all by it. They’re very much in love. But it was something that made me think about the fact that Christine doesn’t joke that way with me, and truthfully I’m glad she doesn’t. Even in jest, it’s not as sweet as just plain loving words.
(honestly, it feels strange to leave comments like this as my marriage is really so strong, and i guess i feel like it maybe makes things harder for those who are struggling or have critical spouses. Please understand that this is never my intention, and I will pray for those whose marriages need to be pulled from the fire.)
October 13th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
well today was tough and easy at the same time, we had an event at church that took all my time today so we definately didn’t say anything negative today cause we hardly spoke lol but when i got home and read the dare for the day I decided to give him a man-icure since he has been asking me to do it for ever but I always told him I didn’t have time to do my own much less is but I did it even though I was exhausted and starting to feel a cold coming home. I was glad that I did because he liked it. I have to admit I was a little bummed that he didn’t do anything but I am going to give this all I got to get our marriage back to the way it used to be!!
October 14th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I prepared an afternoon snack for my husband when he came home from work. I know this sounds silly but I do everything around the house and work also. I am not complaining because I enjoy doing it for him. I could not think of anything else to do.
October 14th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
After posting a good day for yesterday, I kinda blew it. We ended up having another relationship discussion and I got a little defensive. But it all ended well. For today, I was very pleasant and so was he. For my gesture, I cooked him a big supper, but he already knew it was coming. I’ve been sick and really didn’t feel like doing it, but jumped right on it and enjoyed doing it for him. He really appreciates a good meal and I haven’t been cooking a lot for him lately.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I have to admit today was a bit more difficult. Not because I don’t love my spouse, but because I had to come to the realization that my definition of what love is was fundamentally wrong. It was also difficult because I took the dare, sending a appreciative and heartfelt email to my husband, and he never said anything. I don’t know why, and I feel it would be weird to ask - but there is something inside of me that would like to know what he thought as he read it.
I’m trying really hard to “lead my heart” and not concern myself if he ever returns my gestures, but its proven kinda difficult. But I took this on full force, and I won’t turn back now, especially so early on in the game. I see already that this is going to be more about me and my shortcomings, and less about my husband’s.
October 19th, 2008 at 7:59 am
To ncourager:
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt prayer for the Lord to remove the bitterness and the anger you felt toward your spouse. I needed to see that. The first day was especially hard for me and I am more than grateful to see that there are others who are experiencing the same things.
I haven’t any idea what act of kindness I will be able to perform today. With the Lord’s help I WILL make it through this 40 days and I WILL grow
through it whether I want to or not.
Last night was a disapointment when i accomplished something special to my heart and was so excited to share it with my husband. After he witnesses my enthusiasm he reminded me to “keep it in perspective”. He was speaking in “riddles” and making me feel as if I took “pride” in my accomplishments.
To be perfectly honest, I applied for disability recently by the nudging of my physician and I sit at home all day. I need SOMETHING. We haven’t any children and few friends that we see outside of our church.
Unfortunately I’m so sensitive right now that nearly anything he says causes me to break down in a gush of tears.
October 19th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Today was good. I did ask hubby to clean for me while SD and I went to work out and buy presents for our grandbaby who will be one on Friday.
To complete my dare, I will give him a manicure when he gets home from work. Really I need to complete laundry more, but I was unable to come up with anything else that was selfless today. I used to give him a manicure every week, but I stopped because he never did anything nice for me. Selfish? Yup. Not anymore.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:34 am
My wife works late some nights. Reading the day 2 dare was an easy 1 for me. I used to run her bath water and pour a glass of wine for her when she got home to jump in and relax with. I had gotten away from that because of our lack of seeing eye to eye. Selfish and thoughtless on my part. Day 2, evening, I ran her bath water again, and instead of wine, made her dinner and placed it in near the tub. Everything was on track, she came home, dinner was hot, water was hot, she decided not to go for the bath that night. I had to laugh a bit. In fact when she asked where her dinner was and when I answered with “its in the bathroom” she gave me a funny look. I couldnt blame her. She finally looked and what had been done and took a bath and ate dinner afterall. She was happy.
October 21st, 2008 at 6:20 pm
that is so sweet. I wish my husband did little things like that. He is not the romanitc type. thats about the only thing he lacks. But on a blue moon be does cute little things. Like one night I was sitting at the table reading my bible and writing some notes from what I was learning. All of a sudden ths paper plane came threw the air and landed infront of me. He wrote I LOVE YOU on each wing of the plane. That is about as romanitc as he gets hahahaha. But thats ok Theres many other reasons why I love him and when he does do those corny little things it lights up my day even more. I wish you all the best with your love dare journay and my god bless you both even more by doing it and bring you even closer together.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:51 am
Day 2 - I thought and prayed about today’s dare and the true reasons in my heart for committing to the Love Dare. I realized that I had been so focused on working and succeeding at my job - always bringing work home that their was apathy on my part in really knowing and loving my wife. She has always been patient and waits for my loving words and approaches and often they were quick and lacked passion. We love each other greatly but I know I can be better about showing and shoring up my priorities. God, my wife, myself, and then my work priorities. Today I committed and from this day on to go all out and show my love for my wife in a big way and my desire to re-connect and get to know her in new special ways. Today I cleaned the house - living room, dining room, kitchen - dishes, study, and bedroom. I also put her bathrobe on the nicely made bed. I dusted off our wedding album (it’s very interesting how dusty it gets when it is not looked at for a long time) and put it on the bed with a note stating that she looks as beautiful today as she did that day and that I was thinking about her all day and I would love for her to have a relaxing night. I received many loving phone calls while I was at work last night. Day 3 - I am excited!!
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:39 am
Day 2 was a hard day. We both did our unexpected gesture, he made me a bubble bath when I got home from work and I made him what he wanted for dinner. We then had a “discussion” about church related “Halloween-Harvest Party” right after I got out of the bath and negative words were said on both parts. I feel most of our fight start about his parents, being that he is the first born his mom still is hanging on to him. I know today is a new day and day 3 seems so much fun! I hope we have a better night. Praying for all
October 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
well today i went all out and when bed time came i gave my husband a long back rub and he loved it he said it felt wonderful and he was wondering why all of a sudden after a long day that i wanted to stay up later to rub his back and i just said because i love you and i just wanted to do something special for you. I had a nice surprise in the morning as well waking up to eggs and toast for breakfast with my whole family it was wonderful
October 26th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Day two, I was feeling optimistic about the Love Dare. I could do something kind for my husband, no problem. Right? Well, that was not necesarily the problem but then to also incorporate day one challenge into another day was a little intimidating. In the past, we have had a very difficult time with the things we have allowed to come out of our mouths towards each other and now I was going to have to challenge myself to continue to speak positive words to my husband. The Bible speaks on how difficult it is to harness the tongue and I know all to well how true that truth is. I am so thankful that I serve a mighty God that can and does empower us to do his work and live our lives pleasing to Him and in harmony with my husband. For this challenge, I offered to give my husband a massage. He works hard and his body often feels the affect of that work. I know he loves to get massage from me and in an act of love and kindness, I offered to give him a massage and one that was not just a half-hearted one but one that was entirely for his benefit. He was surprised that I offered it and that I spent as much time on it as I did. That in addition to not speaking negatively to him really changed the tone of our day and our relationship. I was really amazed at how much difference a few simple acts could make in our relationship and that it really did just require one of us to do the right thing.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
There are a couple different things I can think of for this challenge. Im gonna try and get most of the house clean and then get off my high horse about me being the only one who does it. Then when my husband comes home, instead of going off to bed (i work midnights) im gonna stay up for a while and let him go for his run. He has been missing it because ive been trying to sleep before work. lol knowing my luck he wont want to go for a run today! but im gonna try this!
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
well my hubby never did get to go for a run. and i havent really had the time to jump on here and look forward to the other days so i took yesterday as my day 2, i did however try and control my negative thoughts and it has helped alot!
so for yesterday i stopped by the grocery store on my way home from a hard night of work and bought breakfast supplies. i came home and made dh bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns for dinner, then threw in a roast for dinner. it was nice to be able to sit down and eat a meal or two with the family, and dh seemed to enjoy it too, he even helped me with the dishes after dinner! so it was a great evening…just wish the kids would have been behaving for him! baby stepping to day 3
November 7th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
What discoveries about love did you make today? Well as with day one I realised I spend a lot of time being snotty.I also was able to see how love spreads itself out like rings on a lake. its peaceful even when I am not, yet being positive has brought some immediate peace in my home.
What specifically did you do in this dare? I spent a lot of time biting my tongue. I laughed out loud a lot when I really wanted to say mean things like when I felt my husband was pushing my buttons around dinner time. the Laughing was rather theraputic.
How did you show kindness? I arranged for transportation to church for practice for my husband I dont normally do that even when asked I will drag my feet….well he changed plans and decided to take our car kind of negating my unexpected kindness gesture. I also shared my dare with the pastors and the worship team and it was kind of like an accountability thing…my seemed to like that… especially when the pastor’s wife said …Well that ought to make for a very interesting practice tonight….she was refereing to my criticism (vocal and in my looks) to my husband while we are at practice.
I realized that even two days of me not being negative is already showing huge results in my home. Day two dare isnt so hard for me I do a lot of unexpected acts of kindness.. I guess to try and balance out my spite. I am realising more that I want to be who I feel I am genuinely and ALL the time. Well since I write this on the day I am doing the following dare I already know how 1/2 my day is going…..but I will write about my day tomorrow. so far so good the desire is still here to continue this journey…till then God Bless
November 7th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Well, here I am stuck already and I’m only on day 2. I’m finding it really hard to be kind to someone who isn’t kind in return and who doesn’t appreciate my kindness. I am doing this dare as a last ditch effort to save my marriage. My husband is already emotionally divorced. He told me he’s only staying thus far for our kids, who are 4 & 5. I can’t see staying married to this man for the rest of my life if something doesn’t change and I’ve been told I need to be the one doing the changing. so here I am. I’ve got the patience thing down, I think. The kindness one is a bit harder but I’m not giving up. I’ll try again tomorrow.
November 8th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Well, today I made pancakes for him for breakfast, but he’s been gone all day. I have been really convicted though of my own sins of negativity. I realize I need to change. I am aware of how much my flesh wants to just quit because I don’t believe I can do it, and I’m learning that I have to stop thinking negative thoughts about myself, too if I am going to love my husband. I have to give myself some grace so I can give others grace.
eracosta, I am in the same boat with my spouse about letting the words just fly. I’m out of my element I’m afraid in doing things right, but I feel like this is all so cleansing and so on to day 3.
November 12th, 2008 at 2:58 am
Well, I made today too hard for myself. I needed to do one unexpected gesture, but I took it as doing all the things I should have done for awhile. I overworked. I got tired, got moody. But then I sat back and thought about it all again. My husband came home from work, noticed the clean house and dinner ready and said \Wow, this is nice.\ Then, before we ate, he started making his lunch for tomorrow. I went to the fridge and handed him the parts to his lunch….probably should have just made the lunch myself, but I at least handed him the parts and put them back in the fridge when he was done. He noticed ! He said \Why are you being so nice to me ?\ I said \Just my nature.\ - dumb thing to say, just came out. I just didn’t want to reveal the Love Dare. Anyway, I always thought the problem was him. Now I realize it was as much ME. Conviction ! God help us all ! My prayers for each of you.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Well, I don’t know if this sort of thing is “taboo,” but I’m switching up a couple of days. I was rackin’ my brains trying to figure out something kind to do that is unexpected. Since I’m always doing kind things for my Beloved (massage, man-icure, buying his favorite snack/drink, etc.), it was the unexpected part that was tripping me up.
It occurred to me that I could surprise him with a lunch date at work. Since we have 4 children (one of them being a nursing infant), and I home school, that would indeed be unexpected. I was all set to do it today, but then that would mean I’d have to drop all our plans for school and rush to get the kids ready to be there to meet him for his scheduled lunch. Punctuality is not one of my stronger characteristics. Not to mention, I don’t know anything about his work area as far as what food is available. It just so happens that his supervisor is also our friend. So I called her up to help me plan it out. Since Tuesday is my next available day, I’m going to switch today’s challenge with Tuesday’s, which is day 6.
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:44 am
Getting a little easier to not say negative things. I raked the yard for him today, since he gets off work when it’s dark. He’s been complaining about not having any time to do yard work, which he takes great pride in.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
[...] Day 2: Love is kind [...]
December 30th, 2008 at 12:19 am
So day 2 was pretty easy to do since it was also T’s birthday. I had already had a card picked out but I also made a card for him from the dog. He won’t receive either of his cards or the book I copied for him until today when he stops by the house. So I guess I am technically a day behind. So I guess I am technically a day behind. I did however send him an e-card during the day and made sure our friends remembered him.
December 31st, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Day 2 was fun but looking back I didnt do anything unexpected. We went on a motorcycle ride with his dad for the day. We rode from 11am to 7pm in areas we havent been before. We stopped and ate and went to a Harley store and rode the ferry across the bay. A beautiful day till night when it got abit chilly! I dont recall saying anything negative so that was a plus and I complimented often. I may have to much because later he just looked at me weird. I guess that was the unexpected gesture, to keep my negative mouth shut! Until I came home, but that was toward my daughter about her manners. So on to day 3!
January 17th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I tried to keep being patient in mind while I added being kind. It seemed fairly easy as i tried to keep it before me. We didn’t have much time together to specifically do much. I’ll just keep trying to remember.
January 19th, 2009 at 4:41 am
I just bought this book yesterday. A lot of the previous posts suggest that they are doing things together with their signifigant other, but what in my case my wife is barely even speaking to me. She does not want me even near her. I thought of some things, like cleaning etc… but I already do that (a little OCD). Any suggestions? I was going to steam clean the carpets and do some more organizing of the house, maybe leave a single rose on the bed. I don’t know. I feel like I lost her already.
January 30th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
mjc955 HUG HER! When you walk in the door from work before you do anything. Ask her how her day was, tell her she’s beautiful, touch her face, kiss her. I can tell you it doesn’t matter how much I am mad at my husband. When he walks in the door and purposes to come straight to ME and not the computer or bathroom it makes me feel more of a priority. Like he was thinking of me during his day not just living his life.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
[...] Day 2: Love is kind [...]
February 4th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Ok, Day 2 - My husband is off on Wednesday. So for my act of kindness, I decided to buy him lunch. I asked for him to stop by my office and pick something up. I didn’t tell him what is was. Unfortnately, he first stop about 1pm, and I’m not sure whether he had lunch or not yet. I felt a little disappointed. But than rememberd it was to be an act of kindess for him and not for my satisfaction. He didn’t open the bag until he was in the vehicle, so I’m not sure what he thought.
February 11th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Aliciaimm, great advice in making sure that I go to my wife first thing when I get home. Although I am not living there now, I will remember that one.
Day 2 went very well. My wife is living at our house and she had our kids this morning. Mornings are hectic because only 1 of them is old enough to really help and he has been burdened more due to the separation. Well, this morning I got up very early to go to the house and set up breakfast. I set the table, had special meals for the kids and a special meal with a card waiting for my wife. I kept reminding myself that it was supposed to be an act of kindness, so I did not try to make it too heartwarming or mushy, more of a “I thought this would get your morning off to a good start” sort of thing. I even got a call later thanking me which I did not expect.
Although my life is in a shambles right now, I enjoy being committed to this. I refuse to look ahead and risk the possibility of saving dares, although I know some will be things that I regularly do and may not be noticed. On do day 3!
February 18th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Well, I am seperated from my husband and I am trying this as my last chance. The first day I actually stayed away from my husband because I felt as if I couldn’t say anything positive so I said nothing. Today was Day 2 and I was to be kind. We own a business together and I have been staying away as to not get into an argument (since we always fight at work). But last night one of our staff called me saying things are going very wrong and my husband is being very irresponsible in his behavior and staff were concerned and are reaching out to me for help. My first reaction was to call him and tell him off about his irresponsible behavior but I held my tongue and prayed and fasted (in fact I decided to fast everyday until sundown to help me through this). Today I went to our business and he was angry and on a rampage and impossible to be around and trying to get me angry. I avoided him as much as I could and then mentioned that there were some complaints yesterday. He resolved to find out who called me and how he would get even with them. I prayed and prayed because I could feel the enemy taking control. I decided to call a quick staff meeting and he was happy to tell everyone off but the Holy Spirit worked in me and I asked for resolutions instead of fingerpointing and it turned out to be a great meeting. Meanwhile, I sneaked in a request of staff to give my husband a break since he was working hard and it probably made him stressed and that might have contributed to the problem (Love Dare #2-be kind unexpectedly). I can tell he was surprised. I left the meeting and everyone was content and life moved on. He didn’t say anything but he went back to work with a smile and his demeanor had changed a great deal. Praise God for His wonderous ways!
February 19th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Today is my second day on the dare journey. It was very easy for my to do this dare today. My husband got home from work and I served him a big cup of frozen vanilla yogurt, which he loves. It was the last of the frozen yogurt and I decided that he should have it after a long day at work. I am planning to fluff up his pillows tonight since this morning he told me his pillows were very uncomfortable. I forgot to mention yesterday that when I bought the book I hid it because i didn’t want him to know I was doing the dare. I guess it sounds stupid…. but I just felt weird. Anyways, guess what…yeap he found the book. He got it, read the first page and didn’t even ask me about it. I don’t know if that is good or bad. Anyways, lets see what awaits for us tomorrow. Good luck to all of you who are taking this journey….
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Today I sent my husband an email telling him how proud I am of him. I also cooked him lunch for tomorrow and I am planning to make a quick trip to the store to buy stuff for breakfast in the morning. After all, the key to a mans heart is his a full belly, right?
February 24th, 2009 at 8:41 am
there is a basket of clean clothes that belong to Shawn sitting in the kitchen I have repeatedly ask him to put them away, he is too tired when he comes home from working all day. I am going to put them away and see if he notices.
Being less negative helps out a great deal, It all comes down to a respect issue among each other.
February 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
[...] Day 2: Love is kind [...]
March 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I have been on Day 2 for about a week now. I am struggling with feelings of bittnerness and selfishness. At first I thought the dare would be easy. I began to think about some things I could do for him. I realized I did not want to do anything for him and that’s why it was so hard. We are both so snappy and short with one another and I am so negative about everything. I decided this morning that I am going to start day 2 again and hopefully with a willing heart. I will struggle with my pray for this dare, but I am going to do it. We had a great night last night and I am hoping to feed from that a little bit. I realized the little things my husband tries to do for me and I just act like they get on my nerves. He never gets any kind of appreciation from me. How awful I would feel if he did that to me especially in such a blunt way that I do to him. I used to massage his hands with a lotion and he loved that. I quit doing it b/c he would do or say hurtful things to me. I don’t expect any kind of appreciation for this tonight since I am not deserving. But his sweet heart will be all but kind.
March 10th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
burgett, I am praying for you, I am very thankful you are going through with this! You are very brave, and I really love your optimism. God bless!
March 13th, 2009 at 9:37 am
This challenge got a little messed up, since a kind gesture turned into many kind gestures…then ran into Day 3 with buying something that says I Love You.
My husband and I are both taking this challenge. He was exceptionally kind in his gesture’s in the am and since he is self employed, found ways to do other kind gestures throughout the day. When I got in my car to go home after work there was a rose on my steering wheel…the card read “this rose may have froze, but my love for you will stay warm and live forever”.
I was headed to the bookstore after work to get each of us the Love Dare journal to keep notes in and was compelled to buy him a gift from Bed Bath and Beyond that he had seen and admired several weeks ago. I also picked up dinner and rushed home to cook it as a surprise before he arrived.
After dinner I gave him a haircut that he wanted and went downstairs to put his surprise together. Before I got back upstairs with his surprise, he had logged onto My Facebook and seen a comment that was written 3 days earlier to an old friend who I just found out was happily divorced. In my comment back I wrote “happily divorced??? can you teach me that?” (The day I wrote this comment was by far one of the worst days I have experienced in our marriage due to the incidences that took place the night before…very, very cruel and heartless words were said to me about my children - I had a very heavy heart because of it…God forgive me.) When I came upstairs to get him and show him is surprise, he showed me what he found on My Facebook and I could tell that my surprise was meaningless now. He came in and pretended to like it, while I went and took a hot bath.
We went to bed without saying any negative words to one another and have barely spoken since. I have a heavy heart and only want a chance to explain my thoughts to him, but he is avoiding me out of respect for the Dare, so he does not say anything that he may regret.
I can only pray that God speaks to his heart and that he will want to talk to me soon.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:51 am
ncourager -
Thank you for your post…it immediately brought me to tears as I recognized myself in your words. I pray that God speaks to my heart and releases me from this pain that I harbor, so I might be able to forgive my husband and treat him with the respect that every human being deserves.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Well, Day 2 - My wife was at work today and I decided to buy lunch. I took it to her work and we ate at her work. I have not done that in a long time. I used to eat lunch with her everyday when we lived in Colorado. I used to travel from Denver to Boulder, CO. just to have lunch. Now that we live in a small community I put it off to have lunch with her. I’m no sure what she thought of this unexpected lunch visit.
March 14th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
It may seem strange, but I made supper.
I am on holidays right now, and my husband who stays home with our children, usually cooks supper. So my kind gesture was to make supper.
It almost went bad because my husband and children were slow to come to the table when called for supper - like over half an hour - then my husband was so hungry (grumpy), but we all took a deep breath and calmed down.
After supper, we all watched a movie together. Very nice.
March 22nd, 2009 at 1:06 am
I am having a hard time with this day 2. How do I show kindness to my husband, when we are seperated… He has said he wants a divorce… He won’t really talk to me… We will see eachtoher only to exchange the kids.???
April 15th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Yesterday, because they are due, I told my husband that I needed to balance our check book and pay our bills. I reminded him, just to make sure he know I needed some time. When I got home, all of a sudden he wanted me to see all these videos on You Tube and go through alote of e-mail jokes received. The next thing I knew it was close to 8:00 p.m. I had not even dinner. Although I was upset because I have lots of paperwork to do today, I decided to be flexible and just spend the evening with him. My patience was tested. Here I am and drop dead I need to do our finances tomorrow or some bills will be late. I have kept a smile on my face and asked if he needed anything. I will close and spend the rest of the evening with him.
April 17th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Well…I just got done making a post about todays dare and realized that my post was really imature. I can’t be asking help or advise from others for things I should be doing, I need to take a hold of my relationship and make decisions for myself. My boyfriend is in the military and sometimes it’s hard to except that he is not always going to be able to go to events with me. But it seems that everytime there is an event that I would like him to be there for he either has drill, he is away or he has some type of training and it’s frustrating.
Sometimes I come off as not being understanding, he doesn’t doubt that I am very much supportive of him, but sometimes my frustrations get the best of me. So I decided to get him a card and write how supportive and proud of him I am. I do this from time to time, but a couple weeks ago my frustration got the best of me and I flew off the handle. I never really aplogized for it and I feel terrible. I know when I say things like I did it makes what he does hard. He told me it makes him feel like he is guilty of something. I can’t tell you how terrible that makes me feel. I don’t want to be selfish and hot tempered. I know I am a good person and I know that with my trust in God that I will grow and therefore my relationship will grow.
(sigh)….i’m a 20 year old girl with a wonderful man. I am finding myself and God and this journey is going to challenge. I am deeply in love with my boyfriend and the past 5 years have been tough because we were both at different stages in our lives. I pray everyday that older we get the wiser we get. I’m 20 and he is 24, we found God together and things have been beautiful. Our love has grown and with this love dare…I trust that it will be even better.
God is beautiful and I can’t be more thankful than I am now.
April 17th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I laid my husband’s clothes out for him for the evening on day 2. I actually kind of enjoyed it. He owns a business & has appointments in the evening after his day job so he doesn’t always have a lot of time. Thank goodness he has a lot of the same type of clothes so it was easy to figure out what he would pick out for himself. He thanked me for doing it.
April 23rd, 2009 at 3:31 pm
It was easy again to not say anything negative yesterday because that is not what our relationship has ever been about. We both feel it’s better to say nothing, even in during this hard time. One of the reasons that my wife wants a divorce is because she feels that she does not do enough for me. Not the only reason.
The unexpected thing was to buy her a pack of Oscar Meyer Cheese Hotdogs while I was at Wa-Mart. She is doing Atkins and loves these things. Kind of funny but there you have it.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:26 am
[...] Day 2: Love is kind [...]
May 24th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Day 2 was a given to me you see a couple of weeks ago our shed that we had in the yard blew down and when he got home yesterday he wanted to clean it up but the drill died so he was out there maybe 10 minutes. So when I got home today I knew that was my mission. I didn’t complete it because I had our 2 year old outside with me but I did get some done.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Day 2 - Today I learned that love can spark something in an old relationship and another person. It may not creat a fire at first but its working on getting there. Toay I left early to get my wife breakfast at a little burrito place she loves, it may sound corney but this is what she loves as hates to have to go all the way into town just to get it. So I made the effort to go into town before she was awake to go get her food. I cann’t believe how selfish it was of me not to want to spen 20 min out of my day to see her happy all day for the thinking of her.
June 17th, 2009 at 1:30 am
Well today really sucked. I did not say anything negative and sent my wife an e-card, but I did not really talk to her. This deployment makes communication very hard and to be honest this is not going as planned. I just want it to be over because when I really need to communicate I can’t. I will keep going with with the plan. But I will admit not saying anything negative to someone you don’t talk to is pretty easy.
June 17th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Yesterday was the hardest so far, I spent all day and night praying that this Dare will work. I just need it to, I love my husband so much, I just need to know how to love the correct way, and not be selfish, and want more. I have been praying for forgivness from God and from my Husband. I need to earn my Husband’s trust back and Love, maybe when he feels he is near ready, he himself will try this, maybe it will help him to forgive me. At this time, I am just begging and praying my Husband who is my bestfriend will not leave me. He has already said many things that make me realize that he hates me right now, and is only here for our kids. I deserve everything he has said to me.. I am so ashamed.
So today, I left him a card in his car and told him I love him. Then this afternoon, I dropped lunch by his office, and left it on his desk. I got a text saying Thank you for the food. To me, that shows today is indeed a new and better day.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Day 2 fell on Fathers Day so this was actually easy to complete; although there were a few times I wanted to say or act negatively to him because I didn’t like his words or actions. I took deep breaths and keep think I can do this, God will give me strength to do better today.
Over all, the day entailed making breakfast for him and our girls, lunch and then we (girls & I) took him out for a surprise that included a car show. I believe he appreciated that as he said it was the best Fathers Day ever.
The evening ended with me making a surprise dinner of something I had never cooked before and he seemed to enjoy it along with dessert which he choose not to partake in; but that is okay.
By nights end, he said something that caught me off guard and I was not ready for which provoked negative comments and actions towards him. I asked God for forgiveness and to give me the strength to continue this journey.
June 24th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Day too. I made him breakfast.
This is so hard for me. To not say anything negatively.
How do you trust a husband who has lied over and over? And how do you forgive them when you think they cheated?
June 29th, 2009 at 12:00 am
day one wasnt hard cuz she isnt speaking to me. I dont really know i guess i will clean the house up real good, Hard times, I think if everything works out this all will be for the better though.
June 29th, 2009 at 12:02 am
its so hard to be patient with this i want it to work overnight.
July 1st, 2009 at 3:16 am
Today started of the same as normal. I made it an effort to actually say good morning. I even gave him a peck on the cheek and told him to have a blessed day. He still went to his mothers house this morning for his lunch and tea. He has done stuff to upset me today but i am gonna just not dwell on those things and rather focus on the positive. I do not know what to do for the dare today. I’m praying for some inspiration. Sometimes i don’t feel like doing things for him because he has hurt me but holding on to those things are going to kill me on the inside. Dear father heal my heart and make it clean.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:26 am
I am a strong believer in unconditional love. That it is with true love that one partner can make mistakes and that the other can truly forgive. Often, that happens after a separation. A separation is not an awful thing…it can be healing as the two people work on themselves, gain confidence, let go of pain and hurt, meet new friends, rededicate themselves to biblical principals…Feelings of bitterness and resentment are weeds in a marriage….secret sins of the heart..negative thinking…al are damaging and cause us to focus on the not so positive qualities of one’s spouse. Understanding why people lie is important…is it not to hurt the other person? is it to protect themselves? is it because they are creating a new narrative to have a positive outlook on past pain? is it a lie of omission? I recommend reading about any issue couples see as a major flaw in themselves and their spouse whether it is addiction, infidelity, lies…having an understanding of the problem aids in accepting the struggles that all people struggle with to some degree and helps one develop sympathy, compassion and find love for one’s partner despite of their faults. Separation can be helpful in the healing process and helps us gain a healthier perspective regarding our spouse. We all have qualities of being judgmental, hypocritical, lying…we hate it when we see it in others because it reminds us of our own behaviors that reflect these qualities. Follow the 40 day dare. The first year of marriage is the most difficult..afterward one learns to cope with the disappointments, hurt and pain and learns to be forgiving almost automatically….forgiveness provides us with a fresh start. Unconditional love allows us to make mistakes and still be loved and committed to someone despite all our faults.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:59 am
The day progressed. I sent him a text saying i love him. No response as usual. Haven’t heard a thing from him for the entire day until he called to say he would be late fetching me from work and that after he takes me home he is headed straight back to the office. I want to just give up now. Getting this cold treatment is aweful. I want to just confront him so badly about the way he is treating me. I’m hurting and feel like just lashing out at him. Right now i don’t even feel like seeing him. Feel like taking a taxi to my mums to spend the evening there. God i leave the rest of the night in your hands, take control, let your peace rein
July 6th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Day 2 is very hard for me. My wife moved out 2 weeks ago so the only time i see her is when I’m dropping off our daughter, or picking her up. Our beautiful daughter is almost a year and a half. She has moved back into her parents house, and we spit time with i get her Monday, Tuesday, and saturday night. How do I show Kindness when we are never around each other? She doesn’t want to talk, nor text me back, respond to e-mails nothing. I’m trying to be Patient for me that is very hard. I have cleaned the house, steamed cleaned the carpets and now she won’t even come inside the house now. She said its my place not hers. She has told me that divorce is her only option, I don’t know how to show her that i do Love her! She thinks that me fighting for us to get through this is selfish and that i should give her a divorce. Every time we talk she takes stab after stab at me I don’t say anything in return getting into another fight is the last thing we need right now. My wife in the past has always just runs from problems and hopes that they don’t catch up. Its a lot easier for her to run from this when she doesn’t have to come home to a empty house every night and see all our pictures on the walls and all our stuff. I know that marriage is worth fight for I feel like i can’t give up. I know that we are both far from perfect and that we both have made mistakes I just can’t believe its come to this. How can i keep my head up and show my wife that our marriage is worth fighting for?
July 10th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Just finished day 2. Along with not saying anything negative again today (which is part of every challenge) I also had to do at least one explained act of kindness. That part was easy because I feel as if I always do kind things for my husband. From rubbing his feet, sharing my things, fixing his plate, whatever. My act of kindness was letting him eat all my fruit. This is a BIG deal because I really wanted it and he seemed to be enjoying it so much. The hard part of today was NOT SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE.
I thought I had this day all wrapped up. Hadn’t felt like I needed to say anything negative to my husband until late to night. He decided to go out with a friend of his that is visiting from out of town (no big deal). I know how these two get when they are together so I knew it would be rather late when they came in (he’s staying with us while he visits) so when my husband told me the he didn’t feel up to going after working late I knew not to hold my breath when my husband told me he would not be out late. What happened when they came in is what made me what to cuss and hit the ceiling.
It’s almost 3 am just when my husband get into bed and puts his arms around me his cell phone rings. That alone doesn’t bother me because it could have been an emergency of some kind. What got me boiling is even after he saw “who” was calling he felt compelled to answer with me next to him. On the other end of the phone is a “female” (for lack of a better term) voice questioning “MY” husband about his where abouts. Despite the fact I can still hear her after my husband attempted to turn the volume down, he continues to answer this person’s questions. Now I feel the urge to sit up in bed, stare at him, then cuss him the $&^* out. After several one word answers he hangs up and leaves the room. I am so proud of myself cause two days ago this would have caused a war in our house. I thank GOD for helping me hold my peace. He got back into bed but did even bother to hold me. I sensed he felt what I felt but did not say. I turned my back to him and prayed to GOD.
In my heart I know this is the young lady that he is cheating with. He may not have had *** with her (which I believe he has) but his time, attention, and actions toward her is more than enough to classify it as such from what the bible says. In my heart this is much more than just a “friendship” he says he has with this person. I have prayed and asked GOD to either remove this feeling from my heart if it is not true or to reveal it to me if it is true. So I have turned this over to GOD and I have refused to continue to worry about it or let it consume me. I have also prayed to GOD to take the feeling of revenge away from me because my flesh wants so bad to hurt him in the same way. I have met several men that want to have a relationship with me. Two of them know that I am married and are married themselves. Just spend time with me, hang out, show me some attention. I’ve had one tell me “it’s about you. I just want to be with you in any way I can. We don’t have to have *** unless that’s what you want. We can talk, go out, kiss, whatever and wherever you want to take it because I know your situation. I am not going to lie and say it has not crossed my mind. Of course two wrongs do not make a right no matter how nelegcted, alone, or hurt I feel. I will not stoop to that level just for the sake of doing it or for revenge. I want a clean heart, mind, body and spirit in the event our marriage does not work out because of cheating, it will not be because of cheating on my part.
I will continue to pray that GOD works in my life, and in my marriage. I am also praying for strength because this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Day 2 was easy for me. My husband has accused me of not being kind to him - but on Day 2 I went out of my way to do things he always says I don’t do - take out the trash, loaded the dishwasher, had the house uncluttered when he came home from work. Normally he does ALL of those things. But on Day 2 I did them. He came home from work and had nothing to do! He was surprised, but enjoyed it.
August 6th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Wow, some of these posts are really heartwrenching! It really helps me put everything in perspective. My Day 2 went well. The teaching in the Day 2 chapter was powerful! \… kindness makes you likeable. When you’re kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them…Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights…\ - very powerful statements. This day I prepared the kids lunches for the next day so he wouldn’t have to worry about it. Although I don’t recall getting any majore thanks for it, I felt good doing it. I can only imagine how some of you must feel carrying out this challenge, with very little motivation based on the way you’re been treated. But please hold on. I’m trusting God to see the thru and the testimony that will prevail in the end.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I cant believe how similar the movie is to my life. My wife and I have had some very DOWN times. Last year she filed for divorce, and somehow GOD shed his light on us and we agreed to dismiss the divorce. We have had a troubled year. She has reconnected with many friends from high school through facebook. Today is my wife’s birthday. I unfortunately dont have the financial means of getting a present as I am laid off and we are in a tight financial situation. Each night this weekend sh has gone out with either co workers or friends on friday and saturday night. She strolls in at approx 230 in the morning and says nothing about the evening and seems to be very frustrated if i ask how the night went.
Today, Sunday, is her birthday. We planned a fun day with the kids. I made the family a WONDERFUL breakfast and served her breakfast in bed. I was met with attitude and negativity. I committed to the day one dare going forward to day two. I said nothing negative, wished her a happy birthday and let her eat her bfast. After cleaning up in the kitchen, I asked her if she would mind me using the car for about an hour. she asked what for. I explained to go to church (She has stated to me she does not believe in God) My request was met with a roll of the eyes and negative comments. I walked up the street to church service and when I got home, she was getting dressed and her makup on. she stated she was being taken out to lunch by her parents and her siblings. Again, she left me behind to watch the kids. More recently she has been doing nothing but communicating on Facebook or text messaging on her phone. both of which she is protective of. I give respect and trust to my wife, but i am fearful that something may be going on. She seems to have more “male” friends on facebook and the other day she was having a very “chummy” conversation with some guy. I hate to be so paranoid but my mind cant shake this situation. I am in day two. When she gets home i plan to wash her vehicle unexpectedly. I PRAY that I get through this challange and things change in our marriage.
Babe- I love you, may God give you the strength to remove what ever evil is causing a distraction in our marriage and strengthen our marriage.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:05 am
well i guess day 2 will have to be tomarrow as she spend the day with her friends and didnt come home until AFTER the kids were already asleep, which was very late. I attended church today for the first time in over 10 years with the exception of Christmas, Easter, Funerals or baptisms. It hurt when my wife came home this evening. I told her that i am glad she made it home safe and did not question her as i have in the past. I did state that the kids and I really wanted to spend time with her on her birthday her only reply was to shrug her shoulders and said “you should have thought about that when you went to church instead” I calmly attempted to explain that I went to church to connect with GOD and pray for our family. She replied that there is no God. I can only pray that God fogives her for turning hur back on him. The bright part of the day was when my son asked me about church and expressed that he and his sisters want to go. I pray my wife sees what being one with God will do for us and she desires to join us as well. Please pray for us and for my wife to open up to God. Good night
August 18th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Day 2 was great! I washed his vehicle really good and even cleaned the inside… I enjoyed every minute of it and more so the look on his face and the sweet kiss I received! LOVE IT!!!
August 19th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I had a long night of being up working on some files for work and if it hadn’t been for knowing that to make my marriage what I want it to be, I needed to be more and push harder, I probably would have slept in…. Instead I got up about 30 minutes early and made him breakfast, simple just eggs and bacon but thought it was something he would appreciate. By afternoon, the tone of his emails and actions were incredible that something so simple as showing him that I appreciated him and loved him made for the remainder of the day. We spent the evening (after all was done around the house and the kids were hanging out watchin tv) cuddling on the couch which led into sweet things later that nite. The way he just seemed to look at me appeared that he was so in love with me and appreciated what little thing I did for him…. Can’t wait until tomorrow !
August 19th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
[...] So day one is really today, but I started applying it last night. My husband went out on guys night out with his cousins. He left around 8pm and did not return until 2am. 2:13am to be exact. i was mad as hell, but instead of nagging I decided to do what he least expected I’d do which is to get intimate with him, you know get busy or however you wanna call it. This morning we had to carpool because my car was being fixed. He dropped me off at work and picked up my car when it was fixed to drop his off because his was giving him a weird sound as well. He then picked me up and we all went to my sons football practice as a fam. Except that he had a flat and left practice around 6:10pm and did not return until 7:50pm basically the whole practice he was ghost. Even then I still did not nag because to be honest he is always with our son at practice while I take care of our 3 year old daughter. Right now it’s 11:16pm and so far no arguments. I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s dare Day 2: Love is kind. [...]
August 21st, 2009 at 10:21 pm
So yesterday was day two. I was planning to mow the lawn for my husband as a gesture of kindness. But guess what? It rained. So I said to myself no biggy, I do it tomorrow. Guess What? It rained today too. I gotta figure out something else so that I can move on to Day 3. Thank God for this dare, because today would have been one of them days where we fight and stop speaking to each other for a good 3 days or so. My husband’s cousin was at my house because I was braiding his hair. When I was done my husband started talking about how much I sleep on the weekends and started saying that if he knew that I was gonna be like this when I got married, that he never would have married me. Those were very harsh words, but believe it or not I did not respond, It hurt like a mug but I bit my tongue and went to take a shower instead. How do you get past stuff like that. I’m told that I’m one to exaggerate stuff, but the way I took those words are as if he wants out of this relationship. I don’t get it, most man that women that cheat on them and really treat like **** go through less than we that actually love our husbands. I will try day 2 tomorrow and I hope to graduate. I want to move on, but if I have a lesson or two to learn on kindness, GOD by all means.
Lord, you gave me him and only you can take him away. I will continue to do my part and make this work, but the rest is left up to you.
Thank you for making me whole and thank you for making him whole.
August 23rd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Well, this is day 2. I decided to try this with my girlfriend of almost three years as we are at a cross roads. Day one I was I positive, didn’t say anything negative, although I there was temptation. She removed a nice piece of artwork my friends gave to me recently as a gesture of appreciation for watching their home. My girlfriend put it in storage without asking me. I had it displayed for 2 days and it meant something to me. She also came in at night and immediately requested to change the channel of a show I was watching, only to flip around for 10 minutes. I said ’sure’.
Today was day 2. My friends set up a breakfast for us all to have. I went to the store, got all the ingredients, and picked up some of her favorite flowers to give to her. She was late (we took separate cars as she was busy getting ready and had to go out somewhere afterwards. While I was at the store she could finish up and head over). She thanked me for them. Upon leaving she left the flowers there. I think her mind was on getting over to her friends house to go shopping. I didn’t mention it. I would think if they were thought to be special, she would have remembered. I won’t say anything negative to her today about that all though it does bother me a bit.
Anyway I’m going to try to stick with this, and give this the best chance I can.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:35 am
My fiance lives in another state and though we have recently broken up, he is coming to my area to look for work and staying with the kids.
Today I set up an email account, typed a resume and submitted it to several jobs to give him a headstart.
If he relocates out here…the chances of working it out are high.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:05 am
Today’s dare was to do something unexpectedly kind for my husband;
I must admit, at first I was stumped. But then I thought, “What haven’t I done lately?”
So I wrote him a letter - not a very long one - but a letter nonetheless.
In it I expressed my love and devotion for him and also mentioned the things I would like us to improve on.
The 1st dare is proving to be quite difficult. I am usually quite sarcastic and unintentionally snappy towards my husband, so trying to be kind on a conscious level is quite challenging.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
It’s Day 2. There had been some doubtful thoughts that crept in today from my head, but I told myself…Love is patient. Bite your tongue. You don’t have to say it. Have faith, do your part and God will do the rest. Immediately, positive thoughts came in. Well, it was kind of hard to think of an xtra gesture of kindness to do for my husband as I do everything else in the home; to me that is a lot of kind acts without a lot of “thanks” or appreication. Since he still sleeps away from me and the children, I had time to surprise him with a BIG breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacons, honeydew and chocolate milk. I woke up at 4:45am to do this (see what love does to people LOL). He looooooooooooves pancakes. He was surprised to get it when he brought our sitter to the house today. I was on my way to work and I called him up to open the microwave because I left my hot chocolate in there. When he opened it he found a small note that says “thought you might want a good breakfast today”, “here’s to a peaceful Friday”. He read it with joy, I could hear from the other side of the phone. He thanked me for it. There were 9 pancakes and he said he finished all of them but not the eggs and bacons…that’s fine. He was happy and he said he’s going to fall asleep at work lol. I also cooked breakfast for my sitter and child at home. I prepared water bottles for my 2 children to take to school which I never did before. I sent jamba cards to 2 colleagues who showed acts of kindness to me and I bought my friend a jamba juice today. And, I’m sending my mom some money today as well. WOW, my acts of kindness have spread to other relationships…..I just realized that. And my heart is joyful; the truth is that kindness and service bring TRUE HAPPINESS. I believe I’ve just realized what LOVE REALLY IS. DOING THINGS OUT OF PURE LOVE EXPECTING NOTHING BACK DOESN’T HURT. IT BRINGS PURE JOY. I’m so happy for what happened to me today. Doing something kind for someone feels good; the feeling of the Spirit. REALLY, I’m finding out little by little about myself. I’ve got so much misconception about my husband that I need to let go of. I must continue to LEAD MY HEART TO LOVE, LEAD MY HEART TO BE KIND AND LEAD MY HEART TO PURE JOY. What a difference this love dare does to me, and my home; I’ve changed the way I handle my children as well…..DAY 3, BRING IT ON. Please God help me change myself…this is the best I can do and be.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Thank you hegemony for your comments on separation. I thought it is an interesting perspective. I’ve had a hard time w/ my husband sleeping separately from me, but if this is true in his case then I’m glad I gave him room. I’ve never worked so hard on myself to love unconditionally until this separation because I didn’t know how much I love my husband despite the things I said and did that caused him to anger. I always thought that because I worked so hard to teach the children, cleaned laundry, earned a living, cleaned house and cooked meals I should be pampered by him and clothed with thanks and love. I think I forgot pure love. I regret doing so many things wrong, but I guess mistakes are opportunities for learning. Thank goodness I’m overcoming them now. I lied as not to hurt him and to protect myself, but that was evil. My eyes have been opened to so many things I need to learn. I’ve realized that I didn’t know how to love with all my heart. I expected too much. Man, I feel so small because of what I did to my husband. Please God help my unbelief and make my whole heart new. I’d love to hear more from you hegemony. You have some interesting advice. Thank you.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Today was much easier. Again he is still not really talking to me since I had upset him so much and I think he is a bit miffed by how I am acting. For my act of kindness I did a few things. For one I gather all the trash and took it outside. Then I bought him a 12 pack of his favorite beer and his favorite dip from a local restaurant so that he could enjoy it during his day of fantasy football. So far he has not made any snide comments to me but I can tell that it is as if he is waiting for me to blow up over anything. This was obvious to me we he had left out the leftover food. When I came downstairs and saw it I called to him to ask if he was finished. He must have assumed that I was going to yell at him for it since he said, “yes, I want to save it to warm up later and I’m sorry I didn’t put it away”. Normally he would not have apologized for something so quickly. I told him I just wanted to know because I was going to put it away. He didn’t say anything but I could tell that he was happy I was angry with him. When he leaves stuff around I get so angry and I feel like it is disrespectful because I work so hard to keep a clean, organized home. Although things like this annoy me on a daily basis I know he is not doing it on purpose. My usual reaction to this kind of thing must not really make him feel like he can not be comfortable in his own home and therefore he is not able to relax after a long day at work. It is still important to me to have him pick up after himself so it does not make my household responsibilities harder but I did notice today that if I continue to get angry at him every time all it will do is drive him away from me and make him want to do these helpful things even less. Tomorrow will be harder since the weekend is over and we will be back in our day-to-day routine. I am just going to have to work that much harder to stay on track.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I am not married or living with my girlfriend so I’m not even sure I should be on here. But I have to take a real try and mending some problems in our relationship. She and I have seen the movie together a while back. We both liked it and noted the similarities. The things that were distracting him from her were almost exact. Can I try this book also (I’ve already started) or is this not the direction I should take. She’s a divorcee with kids. I am not.
Shes confused, I’m confused. Any help would be nice
September 29th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
billcooper, I think if you love each other then you should try it. What have you got to lose? It’s 40 days of your life and if it works then you will have a lifetime of happiness together. If it does not work out, then it has only cost you 40 days of your life.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:44 am
My act of kindness was a little silly, but he noticed it so that is all that matters. We had lunch out at Subway and I unwrapped his food, set it out and opened his bag of chips for him while he was making our drinks. Also later that night, we ordered take out Chinese and I took it out of the bag and set it on the table.. opened it up for him. He noticed it because I never do that, I normally forget about him because I’m so hungry that I just dig into my food and let him fend for himself.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
[...] Day 2: Love is kind [...]