Day 1: Love is patient
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
—Ephesians 4:2 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.
September 29th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Let us know how you demonstrated patience in your marriage today… leave a response here.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:39 am
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
October 1st, 2008 at 9:04 am
Ok, Ill try this.. Ive tried the Love & Respect books & Series, the book that John Hagee & his wife wrote, The Power Of A Praying Husband, Everymans Battle, & my wife wont read any of them or show any investment, or intrest in learning about our marriage or wantin it to grown. This first day here is fairly easy for me to do.. Usually we don’t snap or say things rood unless it gets to a point. Ex., If something in the hm between me having 4 step kids, + 2 of my own & my wife, with ZERO Q.T for us between that, her/I working, & herself liking to be on the phone with friends, & mother a lot through out one day.
If I bring it to her attention, then usually she will get defensive & offensive toward me, which escalate. I really feel offended, dis.respected, & of no value when she don’t acknowledge my concerns for our marriage or how I feel. I love my wife, & no I am not perfect, however I do know that God can heal & help 2 people when 2 individauls submit to Gods will instead of selfishness. I also believe that I can’t change my wife & she can’t change me, as well as, if one person don’t want something, or stays in bitterness, resentfulness, unforgiveness then it can also keep a marriage stagnant.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I didn’t realize I had so many negative thoughts in my heart. I almost had to say nothing the entire day.
October 6th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
God has been leading me to do these things in my marriage for the past few months, although I did not have this tremendous resource nor the support I needed to get through the pain. So many times I cried out to God that I can’t do this, I can’t take the pain of giving and giving to someone who takes it all for granted and doesn’t give back. My husband does not treat me well and by all means I should say \enough is enough\, but I feel called by God to do more–to be more. Has anyone else struggled like this? How do you push on? How do you keep giving? How do you know how much to give and what to give up?
October 7th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Dear, Hopeful
I know waht you are talking about. I too feel like all I do is give and give and nothing is good enough. I am going to buy the dare book for both of us along with the 6 week Marriage study. I hope it helps us and I hope you get some help from all of this.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Hi Love Dare World!
First, my husband and I have not seen the movie yet; I’m taking him on Oct. 25th. In the meantime I have decided to go at the Love Dare Challenge alone. Like many of you we have tried other books and classes together that we didn’t commit to for many reasons.
I have not shared the Love Dare World with my husband, partly because I want to see if I can improve the marriage on my end and I don’t want my methods of carrying out these dares to be compared anyone elses or for my spouse to think that he needs to join the Love Dare World just because I am here. Since my spouse believes in action and then talk, I think it would be a nice surprise to get 40 days of unexpected love and then talk about it.
I seems to be a consensus that involving your spouse in this process up front is a good idea. DOES ANYONE THINK THAT IT COULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO WAIT TO TELL YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT THE LOVE DARE CHALLANGE AFTER YOU’VE BEEN DOING IT A WHILE?
4Given1
October 8th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I will not be telling my spouse and one of my friends will also not be telling her husband.
Don’t want him wondering about everything whether it is an item on my dare list.
It probably makes a difference whether your spouse is doing the dare also.
Neither my friend nor I can imagine our husbands doing the dare, reading the book, going to the movie or even talking about improving our marriages.
Sad but true.
That is what makes the Dare’s emphasis on changing one’s self and leaving one’s partner to God so appealing. Changing him hasn’t worked.
October 9th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
The most difficult thing for me was starting this dare. My husband and I do not have a good relationship and I am very near divorce. We have only been married for a few years and every anniversary, except our 1st, he has told me he wants a divorce, but hasn’t followed thru with it. We went to the movie together, not knowing what it was about. It was amazing to watch our life on a big screen portrayed by other people. When we left the movie I had a powerful feeling over me that this was going to be life changing for me. I asked him how he liked the movie “it was o.k.”. I had already purchased the book, on a suggestion from a friend, and had not made the connection before I saw the movie that they were related. I had purchased the book…..I had not opened it. I really feel it was by the hand of God that I ended up at the movie. After the movie I knew I had to begin the journey. I told my husband I had the book and was going to begin. He has shown no interest (although he is the one addicted to pornography, has been convicted of domestic violence, attends anger management, etc.). Although I did have a hope that we would do this together I had to realize it is not my position to “make” him do it with me. I have to do it for myself and if he decides to do it for himself then he will have to take the initiative to do so.
Getting started was difficult. I do not take a dare lightly and I know that. I knew once I began I was in it. We have had a very difficult last couple of weeks. To the point we are barely speaking to each other. Last week I was sleeping in a different bedroom. When I read the first challenge I had a feeling I was going to spend most of my day quiet.
I was amazed that the first day wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. It made me very mindful of what was going or not going to come out of my mouth. I am pretty proud of myself. It does take two with negativity flowing to get things really going and if one is not participating, it really never gets off the ground.
Instead of feeling like I didn’t get my “say” or was unable to respond to his jabs, I feel proud and happy that I did not participate and let things get to me and I was the bigger person.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I feel like actions will speak louder than words for my wife, so I plan on taking the love dare privately.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Well, I finally started the “dare”. I purchased the book a couple of weeks before the movie and kept finding reasons not to pick it up. After seeing the movie, it showed me many areas where I could grow to show more love to my wife. I finally committed myself to this journey.
Day 1 was simple for me. I know the challenges will get harder and at some point I will want to quit. That is why I have asked one of my good friends to keep me accountable and on track. He is also going through the book for his wife. Together, maybe we can battle in prayer against everything that tries to keep our marriages from growing closer.
It breaks my heart reading how far apart some of you are in your marriages. I have been blessed with a Godly woman who has had LOTS of patience with me. I now know it my turn to show her the love that she deserves.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Well, admittedly, this one came without any difficulty at all—more or less automatically. I don’t often say disapproving things even when I’m thinking of them (though I do sometimes). Today, my wife Christine was especially sweet to me, and it was really fun being with her.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
well I started the book last night and am very nervous about what comes ahead. I did not have trouble so far with no negatives but in the long run may take some work but it is worth it to make my relationship as strong as it can be. I know this book will be very life changing for me and my hubby as well I just hope it sticks after we are done.
October 12th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Optimistic, I want to encourage you that when we don’t see a response from our husband God does. God knows your husbands hurt. My husband and I have been seperated since the beginning of the year. He had an affair and the woman he had the affair with is pregnant. We too went to the movie and my husband’s response is the same thing, it was ok, he said. But I know that my husband’s ok….actually means good. I ahve learned that over the years. Men don’t show emotion the way we do, and I still have to remind myself that he doesn’t share his emotions often and I don’t need to share my every emotion either. My husband is in Christian counseling and let me tell you I am in awe of the Lord. We took a long time to get here and we still have so far to go but I am believing that becuase I did what God asked me to which was work on myself and walk my faith and let my husband see me living out my faith it would change everything. Trust me….turn the looking glass on yourself and ask God to show you the areas you need to work on your husband will slowly notice. And pray your husband out of his addictions…………give it to the Lord……..really give it to him and you will see progress it took almost a year for me to see any progress esp genuine progress but God is working and it is amazing. Remember step by step and really do take one day at a time. You can’t fix your marriage only god can but you can work on helping God fix you.
October 13th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Neither myself or my husband have seen the movie. I heard about the movie on Christian radio and looked it up last night. After reading some pages from the book, and a few of user(s) entries, I started to cry. After that, I ran out and bought the book. Although my husband believes that we have a great marriage, I haven’t…lately… We have been married for 4 yrs this month. He irritates me a lot and I tend to get angry with him quickly, and lately, quite often. I have been judgementmental, which is uncalled for no matter what he does. He loves Jesus with all of his heart but is also a rough/gruff kinda’ guy at times. I am usually very quiet when I get mad at him, which causes him to give me the silent treatment as well. I am sad when he’s not around and am selfish with our time together. Probably too clingy. Sometimes he does or says things that I don’t think are befitting of a Christian man, but I am learning that it’s my job to uplift him instead of picking at what he does. His walk is between him and Jesus.
I will be doing the Dare on my own but my husband is aware of it. I tried to explain the movie and the book to him last night, which sparked a very good talk about our relationship.
Today was Day 1 and I did pretty good. I haven’t said a negative thing to him all day. I tried to be perky but I have a cold and he mistook not feeling well for crankiness once today. I think he actually tried to uplift me as well. He calls me during the day while I’m at work, but today he was particularly cheerful on the phone. I really appreciated the effort on his part.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Well, today is day one… I went and saw the movie by myself. My husband wanted to golf instead. That is usually the way it goes. We kind of pass by eachother as we say some hurtful things and then pretend later on that everything is ok. The tension gets thicker and of course the kids notice. I am one that has been thinking of leaving, in all honesty. I pray and pray but it feels like the door is not opening…
The movie on the screen seemed like my life actted out for me. I can see both sides but it still hurts just the same. I want to do this but I am scared. So, again, today is day 1 and I will do as they say - 1 day at a time. Doing acts of kindness, etc. will be much easier than not coming back with a quick and snide remark. Holding my tounge will be challenging but I will do it. We will see how it goes into the rest of the evening. I just pray that I can hold this closer to my heart than the need to retaliate.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:18 am
My husband and I are in the process of reconciling our marriage after my decision this summer to separate from him after an incident involving my oldest daughter. Nothing illegal, just a REALLY big blow up. Anyway, I’m thinking about this first day’s assignment, and resting on the promise that the Lord will never give me anything more difficult than I can handle. He is in control; I know that because my husband and I are back together and trying to mend this broken family.
I’m anxious to see what G-d (and Satan for that matter) has in store for me (for us) through this process. My husband and I are supposed to go see the movie tonight, so please pray for us as we begin this fragile time in our marriage.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Good Morning to all of you: Today is day one of my journey I cant say anything good about today, YET. I am starting this journey because our marriage needs ME to start this and most of all I want to start it. As with all marriages in the beginning everything was great, and, just as with all of the people have been bleed to find fire proof, I (we) have over time developed problems. I can tell my wife is becoming tired of always being on the giving end of things. I love my wife with all my heart, and I tell her that all the time. But I think she has lost trust in me (I have lied to her on more than one occasion) hence the name searching for my soul mate I want to change so I can find my soul mate agian.
I know she loves me. I have really screwed up over the past 8 years and losing just her trust is in and by it self a miricle. I praise God that he has kept us together for this long.
I would not know what to do if she were not here every day. Being here is just not enough for any marriage that is why I have decided to do the love dare. I am not the best person by any means, I know that I have broken many of God law by not knowing the true meaning of each law. I always thought that the commandments were so complex. They are really quit simple. No means No and Honor means always, forever, and with ALL your heart and not just when convienent and in total mind, body and soul not coveting means one woman you chose and who choses you no others FOR LIFE. saying I DO is not just a hand shake and party but a promise to hold sacred and honor. Men look at women like they are just human beings built different. But God made them different for a reason and unique to the awsome gift God gives the universe of life from not them but God himelf. I, we,(MEN) need to get a clue. Go forth and prosper ? Well I intend to but the only way thats going to be done, for me at least, is to be able to do it with my wife.
I to am anxious to see if I can tay the Course and I pray that this goes well for me. This is my first day and so far Im doing ok. We will see. Pleae pray for me.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I am not planning on telling my spouse my decision to complete this 40 day journey. We are both Christian believers yet I have a tendency of “throwing in his face” the fact that I have been praying or trying to make an effort.
The root issue of our marriage is one we have fought about on numerous occasions these past years and they are still a sore subject. Nevertheless I know I want my marriage to work. We have decided that we are in this “for the duration”.
God help me as I start this first day.
October 18th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
This one may be the hardest. Not for me, but for my husband who is quite impatient with most things. LOL
October 19th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Well, to be perfectly honest, I tried doing this dare alone and failed miserably. I went out on Friday and bought both us a Love Dare book. He agreed yesterday morning to do the dare with me.
We didn’t have much time together, due to our work schedules, but we sat down and read and talked about the first day. We did well since nothing negative was said.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:28 am
My wife and I are nowhere near the same page let alone the same book. We saw the movie and both of us liked it a lot. I went to purchase the book to challenge myself to do the dare for our marriage. I fought with this for the first few days due to pride. Anyhow, after fighting with myself and God about this project, I feel God led me to go ahead with it. I looked at the first day, decided it would take a bit more than 1 day to do, so I took my time to practice this for a few days. Let me tell you all, it was a tough few days. I have a wife who is intent on swearing, calling names when things dont go right, and putting me down if I dont do things \perfect\, so for me this was a challenge. A couple days it took everything I had to keep quiet, but I also found when she was berating me, I would pray and the troubles sort of went on by. A tough day done but I feel it tought me things that I need to continue.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:42 am
Day 1: Love is patient
My husband and I have only been married for a few short months but decided to take this journey to start our marriage off right. After a rocky wedding planning year with both sides of our families, our concentration became pleasing them and not each other. I pray this will help us fall deeper in love with each other and God.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Day 1 - We saw the movie on Thursday night and I thought and prayed over the weekend and really felt led to buy the Love Dare and commit to learning how to love my wife in a stronger and more life fulfilling way. We have always had a close relationship but we have struggled in really knowing each other. My wife works days m-f 8-5, and I work nights Tuesday - Saturday 4:00 - very late. We see each other only 1 day fully together per week. Co-workers at work would in joke and say, \Do you need to re-introduce yourself to your wife each week?\ \Hi my name is____and we are married, not sure if you remembered?\ I would walk away with a smile not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, but this weighed very heavy on my heart. After 5 years of marriage for the first time I see a way to really learn who this wonderful gift from God is in my life. I felt us communicating very well after Day 1. I am very thankful and excited about Day 2 and many more days to come.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:33 am
A bit of tongue biting and a lot of thinking before speaking (did I say a lot), but the day went well. I still need some improvement in that I didn’t use negative words, but I made sure I carefully made my point. I never really saw how much I struggle to ‘be right’ and get the last ‘explanation’ in on a discussion. Our marriage is not in the fire, but is not fireproof. I am doing this because I know there are gaps in the armor that could result in disaster. Many prayers to those who struggled more than I today and may God be side by side as we step out into the next day.
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:41 am
I’m still in the middle of day 1, but I’m trying to keep myself honest. I know this is going to be hard for me. Like Grey Bear, I know I always want to have the last ‘explanation’ and help my spouse ‘understand my point of view’. He says I’m defending myself, I know it’s just me wanting to be right. I’ve been able to keep quiet for the last 18 hours or so, but today’s dare has 12 hours of awake time to go (I started yesterday afternoon.) I’m feeling encouraged, because I had an opportunity to break that dare this morning, and I didn’t. Didn’t even think about it in the context of the dare until later. I love my husband, and I really just want him to trust that again.
October 24th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Well, Day 1 is over, and it feels like it’s going to be a rough 40 days. The act of not saying anything negative was not difficult, only because by husband is not speaking to me at all (unless it has something to do with house, kids, bills or church). He completely ignores me otherwise, and it’s all I can do not to burst into tears everytime I look at him. Today is going to be harder, not only because he wants me to leave him alone, but also because I do things like pack his lunch and dish his dinner everyday. It’s going to be difficult to find something kind to do for Day 2. I’m still on the verge of tears today. My husband is my best friend, and I hate not being able to share everything with him. I know it’s my quick temper that has got me into this predicament - he just hates the arguing. Me, I say what’s on my mind and then I’m ready to be friends again, but my words seem to hurt him way more than I expect. God please help me be a better person, and not expect people to just deal with me “because that’s who I am”.
October 26th, 2008 at 2:24 am
This challenge was pretty straight forward I thought but as I went through the first day and consciously made the effort not to speak negatively to my husband, I realized how often I think negative thoughts about him or the things he does. I had to really stop and think before I spoke and that it seems is not something I am accustomed to doing. I did notice however that as the day went by, the easier it became to just not say anything if it was going to be negative. There were times through out the day that I believe my husband tried to stir me and get me going. I was able to recognize that and then respond in the way I would like to be rather than the way I normally am. I am fairly certain that my husband noticed the effort I made. I felt great as I worked through today’s challeng and through out the day I asked the Father above to help me harness my tongue and control my thoughts. I am so thankful that He is greater than everything that is with in me.
October 26th, 2008 at 7:28 am
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
October 28th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Day 1 left me realizing that we don’t share much negativity in our marriage. We do have our days so this is going to be a daily search to remember patience during those times when we do have negative comments or feel like yelling. We will see what day 2 brings.
October 28th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Today i start day 1, Im waiting till i get my check to actually get the book. but i know this cant wait another day. so here i go…step one.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
well day one is over and i shouldnt be surprised at how hard it is…there were many times i wanted to pop off…i didnt bite my tongue 100% of the time but im pleasantly surprised at how often i did…it also made me realize how often i need to bite my tongue towards my kids…this is gonna be an ongoing battle for me…made me see myself in a whole new light…and it wasnt pretty…
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please take these nasty thoughts and feelings out of my heart, please help me melt away the resentment I feel and help me mend. Please be by my side ever reminding me that this family loves me Show me how to love them back.
In Jesus Name, Amen!
November 4th, 2008 at 10:28 am
DAY ONE:
I demonstrated patience by not buying a over-the-top-/ really- couldn’t- afford- it gift, to compensate for the loss of our time in this seperation. With the Lords help I determined to purchase a modest yet more personal offering, that was probably more appropriate for our status.
faithwalks
November 7th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Ok so it took me a week to focus and really complete day one of the dare. Although Its my intention to commit I am finding it difficult. I am mean, condescending impatient critical…need I say more? I agree wholeheartedly that there are certian “reasons” as to why I act the way I do…lack of control to name one. But getting back to the dare and the question posed.did anything happen today that caused anger towards your mate?
yes it seemed he was more rambuncious than normal.playing his electric guitar very loudly next to me. I chose to leave the room..he said fine be that way. I bit my tongue. he followed me and chided me more…strange although I guess to be expected since I bore down and really took today seriously from the dawn. Satan played games….I with Jesus, came out victorious.but man It was VERY challenging not to be MEAN to get my way . I know this is supposed to be more than shutting my mouth but for me that was a huge challenge in itself. certainly showed me how quick tempered and sharp tongued I am ……Ahhhhh NEXT CHALLENGE here I come!
November 8th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I failed miserably on my first day. I first tried not saying anything to think something through that I needed to communicate and he walked out which frustrated me. Then, later in the evening, my autistic brother needed to be rushed to ER but my dh decided after running him to the wrong place I should just take him with my sick infant and 10 year old because he couldn’t be bothered with them or him. I wasn’t patient, pleasant with my words and ended up confessing my failure and apologizing to my 10 year old for my choice of both language and words towards her dad. I am really going to struggle if this is how it is going to be, but I know Jesus can help me through. Today I am going on Day 2.
November 9th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
After reading all of day 1 comments and what \faithwalks\ wrote I have planned to go have lunch with my estranged hubby. I kept telling myself, before hearing about the movie last friday and seeing the movie twice, how could I let my hubby know I have been seriously wanting to try to heal our marriage. Do I take him a gift to show I’m serious. Now however I want to take him to see the movie and let it do the talking…..I’m scared. I don’t handle rejection well—–who does? How do I approach this subject to him. I\ve got to have faith that these few days and the resources comming out of nowhere falling into my lap just before thislunchoen date is God’s doing. I have realized—You can’t buy love. I can only offer me, as imperfect as I am. Do I start Day 1 now? We haven’t lived together for 5 yrs. Or do I wait to see if he’s even interested in reconciliation? I really, really need to be here, with all of you. This is very painful; to still love your spouse and not be apart of.
November 14th, 2008 at 3:37 am
I freely admit that I am not as patient as I need to be. Yet this area is not a struggle between me and my Beloved. We do not argue or put each other down with our words. I can’t say I remember there ever being a verbal offense in our 13 years together.
However, one thing I do is correct him with regard to our children. The ONLY challenge I have EVER had with him was in regard to our children.
He’s not verbally or physically affectionate with the older children, but he is with the younger two. Of course the older ones see this. Then, he’s jokingly sarcastic (again, with the older two). Put those things together and I wind up cleaning up after their wounded hearts on a regular basis.
I’ve tried to communicate their needs to him in an uplifting way for years, but I have yet to see corresponding action. There’re all girls, so I’m concerned about their future choices for male companionship… and so, as a defense mechanism, I’ve resorted to correcting him, even in front of them. If that is a manifestation of impatience, then I’m guilty.
This I did today. I will commit to refrain from doing that.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I saw the movie last evening not knowing anything about it. Maybe that was the best way. My husband picked the movie after hearing someone at work talking about it. We are both in counseling. me for depression and him for the relapse he had with his porn addiction. Tomorrow I will start the day one as today is about over.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Beginning with this dare is easy for me…as my hubby is out of town…unavailable by phone or computer…..thus PATIENCE is the name of the game this day! I have a son at home though…..our last child and only male child…and using this dare to help in THAT relatuonship…will be wonderful! Today he learned of yet another friend whose parents have lost everything and they must begin again….at the mercy of friends and mostly family. It has given HIM a new perspective on the blessings he has….and no! I did NOT rub salt in his wounded heart and say things that would wound it further. I sent only encouraging words his way and told him to pray to God for guidance on how to bless those around him in such dire need!
November 26th, 2008 at 12:14 am
My husband and I saw the movie on Sunday. I told him over a year ago that I didn’t know if I wanted to be married to him anymore and things have errupted over the past year to it looks as though it is really the end. I tried the dare today and did a terrible job, my fuse is short and all I can do is yell at him now. I have so much anger inside me I don’t know what to do, he told me tonight that its all me and that I don’t want to be happy. I need help.
November 28th, 2008 at 3:47 am
I will begin Day 1 in the morning when I get home from work. I’m anticipating a very difficult day. My husband of 4 years and I fell on hard financial times, so we, with our son, moved in with my parents. My husband and our son (who is 2y/o) visited me at work last night. My husband said that he plans on moving out of the house and in with his parents by Jan. 5th. He said he doesn’t want a divorce, but is very frustrated with our current living conditions. We certainly didn’t leave things on a good note when he left, so I’m sure he will want to pick it right back up in the morning when I get home.
Please God, give me the strength to get through this and the knowledge to understand what it will take to save our marriage. Please let my husband calm his temper tomorrow and keep me from reacting to every little remark with tears and words of frustration. Bless us, oh Lord. AMEN
December 1st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
It was hard…but I bit my lip instead of reacting in anger. Especially hard because it was over the Thanksgiving holiday.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I feel shame, Shame of the pain in knowing how angry I am, Pain in knowledge of how my anger has turned to hatred. Yesterday I did something literally kind of weird, My wife is from Kenya and they like to eat Goat. Yes Goat. So I purchased a goat and had it butchered. Yesterday the butcher called to pick it up. So I did. I have heard the stories of the Joy her people have when you butcher the animal, food for all, this is a really big thing. When I came home holding a box! Weird I know. Nothing was said, it was put in the freezer for another day. Yes disapointed. Nothing positive could have come from my mouth of the disapointment. Lietrally nothing was said. Nor were the words “I Love You from my own mouth. Again the shame, the task to day was to be humble, well maybe I was, but I did not feel it, because I expected some kind of reaction in return. Bear one another with Love, Maybe the act of me getting the meat she wanted demonstrate this, but honestly it word Love did not leave my lips nor was it felt in my heart. And this dissapoints me. I have a lot of work to do.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
December 14th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
My husband and I saw the movie last night. We both enjoyed it. We have been struggling in our marriage. Neither of us will resort to divorce, although this is a second marriage for both of us. We have been in counseling. I guess you could say I am the one having a hard time forgiving some things. Although he has some things he needs to work on too. I want to begin the love dare tommorrow. I don’t think he has it in his mind to do so, though.
December 29th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I wanted to start the new year with a better sense of myself and my marriage. I have done this dare challenge before, but I didnt give it 100%. My husband didnt even notice the things I was doing the last time, so I feel I failed myself and the relationship. We are growing apart these days and it hurts. I read the blogs from others and it saddens me to hear so many in trouble. What are we doing? Why do we as humans make things so difficult for ourselves? We punish ourselves by allowing satan to move in and not allow God in. I too get frustrated, defensive, and mean when I feel I am not heard or loved.
I am ready to change and mend broken hearts with the love and guidance of God. I want my marriage to be stronger and better then ever so my kids can see marriage is a blessing not a curse. I know God wants this for me because I have thought back to how my husband and I met and there is no possible way we would have ever met if this one person did not enter our lives. We were in very different areas of life and friends. We truly had the fairly tale relationship then and that is what I am focused on getting back! So… here I go with God!
December 30th, 2008 at 12:21 am
I have mixed feelings about today’s dare because while I don’t believe I am the one to START things, I refuse to back down for fear of being a “doormat” and allowing myself to be bull dozed. T has a strong opinion about everything and believes he is right, he learned it from his father and has always been that way. Learning how to be patient and listen to him ramble on and not engage will be a struggle.
So today, while the actual act may not be practiced on T, I will begin to reflect on the past and learn how I could have handled things differently so that if the time comes to face it again, I will be better prepared. It’s not about winning, it’s about listening and understanding.
Update: Well, I didn’t talk/text/email/IM with T today so it was pretty easy not to say anything negative. What I did work on was not THINKING anything negative. I have a habit of assuming the negative side of things and completely ignoring anything positive that could be. For example, I have spent a great deal of time feeling like T is “happy to move on” since he has already removed his wedding ring. But in reality, he has TOLD me that this is a difficult decision for him and that he DOES love me. But rather than believe what he says I assume the worst. So today, I focused on the more positive and believe that like me, he is also having a hard time moving on. And that he DOES miss me.
December 30th, 2008 at 6:13 am
It is 5am and I cant sleep. I did ok on todays dare. I caught myself a few times and stopped my comments from oozing out! He was cleaning fish in the kitchen and I wondered if most people do that outside. I really had to catch myself because I thought it nasty, unclean and rude to do it in our house. I may be wrong, so a few comments slipped out about it. But, later on we cut up and talked about everything from religion to family, traveling and whatever else came to mind. I complimented him several times and thanked him for being a blessing to me all these years. The one true problem I see we have in our lives is alcohol. I am a social drinker who can take it or leave it. He needs it alot of the time especially at gatherings. He has cut back a bunch since I brought it up but there are times I wish he just wouldnt do it at all. This is the area I have said my peace and have to step back and let God take the reigns. He is the only one to change this area now. So, on to day two and looking forward to the days ahead! God bless all who are putting themselves out there to save their marriages and find themselves in the process. good luck to everyone