Day 1: Love is patient
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
—Ephesians 4:2 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.
September 29th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Let us know how you demonstrated patience in your marriage today… leave a response here.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:39 am
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
October 1st, 2008 at 9:04 am
Ok, Ill try this.. Ive tried the Love & Respect books & Series, the book that John Hagee & his wife wrote, The Power Of A Praying Husband, Everymans Battle, & my wife wont read any of them or show any investment, or intrest in learning about our marriage or wantin it to grown. This first day here is fairly easy for me to do.. Usually we don’t snap or say things rood unless it gets to a point. Ex., If something in the hm between me having 4 step kids, + 2 of my own & my wife, with ZERO Q.T for us between that, her/I working, & herself liking to be on the phone with friends, & mother a lot through out one day.
If I bring it to her attention, then usually she will get defensive & offensive toward me, which escalate. I really feel offended, dis.respected, & of no value when she don’t acknowledge my concerns for our marriage or how I feel. I love my wife, & no I am not perfect, however I do know that God can heal & help 2 people when 2 individauls submit to Gods will instead of selfishness. I also believe that I can’t change my wife & she can’t change me, as well as, if one person don’t want something, or stays in bitterness, resentfulness, unforgiveness then it can also keep a marriage stagnant.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I didn’t realize I had so many negative thoughts in my heart. I almost had to say nothing the entire day.
October 6th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
God has been leading me to do these things in my marriage for the past few months, although I did not have this tremendous resource nor the support I needed to get through the pain. So many times I cried out to God that I can’t do this, I can’t take the pain of giving and giving to someone who takes it all for granted and doesn’t give back. My husband does not treat me well and by all means I should say \enough is enough\, but I feel called by God to do more–to be more. Has anyone else struggled like this? How do you push on? How do you keep giving? How do you know how much to give and what to give up?
October 7th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Dear, Hopeful
I know waht you are talking about. I too feel like all I do is give and give and nothing is good enough. I am going to buy the dare book for both of us along with the 6 week Marriage study. I hope it helps us and I hope you get some help from all of this.
October 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Hi Love Dare World!
First, my husband and I have not seen the movie yet; I’m taking him on Oct. 25th. In the meantime I have decided to go at the Love Dare Challenge alone. Like many of you we have tried other books and classes together that we didn’t commit to for many reasons.
I have not shared the Love Dare World with my husband, partly because I want to see if I can improve the marriage on my end and I don’t want my methods of carrying out these dares to be compared anyone elses or for my spouse to think that he needs to join the Love Dare World just because I am here. Since my spouse believes in action and then talk, I think it would be a nice surprise to get 40 days of unexpected love and then talk about it.
I seems to be a consensus that involving your spouse in this process up front is a good idea. DOES ANYONE THINK THAT IT COULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO WAIT TO TELL YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT THE LOVE DARE CHALLANGE AFTER YOU’VE BEEN DOING IT A WHILE?
4Given1
October 8th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I will not be telling my spouse and one of my friends will also not be telling her husband.
Don’t want him wondering about everything whether it is an item on my dare list.
It probably makes a difference whether your spouse is doing the dare also.
Neither my friend nor I can imagine our husbands doing the dare, reading the book, going to the movie or even talking about improving our marriages.
Sad but true.
That is what makes the Dare’s emphasis on changing one’s self and leaving one’s partner to God so appealing. Changing him hasn’t worked.
October 9th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
The most difficult thing for me was starting this dare. My husband and I do not have a good relationship and I am very near divorce. We have only been married for a few years and every anniversary, except our 1st, he has told me he wants a divorce, but hasn’t followed thru with it. We went to the movie together, not knowing what it was about. It was amazing to watch our life on a big screen portrayed by other people. When we left the movie I had a powerful feeling over me that this was going to be life changing for me. I asked him how he liked the movie “it was o.k.”. I had already purchased the book, on a suggestion from a friend, and had not made the connection before I saw the movie that they were related. I had purchased the book…..I had not opened it. I really feel it was by the hand of God that I ended up at the movie. After the movie I knew I had to begin the journey. I told my husband I had the book and was going to begin. He has shown no interest (although he is the one addicted to pornography, has been convicted of domestic violence, attends anger management, etc.). Although I did have a hope that we would do this together I had to realize it is not my position to “make” him do it with me. I have to do it for myself and if he decides to do it for himself then he will have to take the initiative to do so.
Getting started was difficult. I do not take a dare lightly and I know that. I knew once I began I was in it. We have had a very difficult last couple of weeks. To the point we are barely speaking to each other. Last week I was sleeping in a different bedroom. When I read the first challenge I had a feeling I was going to spend most of my day quiet.
I was amazed that the first day wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. It made me very mindful of what was going or not going to come out of my mouth. I am pretty proud of myself. It does take two with negativity flowing to get things really going and if one is not participating, it really never gets off the ground.
Instead of feeling like I didn’t get my “say” or was unable to respond to his jabs, I feel proud and happy that I did not participate and let things get to me and I was the bigger person.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I feel like actions will speak louder than words for my wife, so I plan on taking the love dare privately.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Well, I finally started the “dare”. I purchased the book a couple of weeks before the movie and kept finding reasons not to pick it up. After seeing the movie, it showed me many areas where I could grow to show more love to my wife. I finally committed myself to this journey.
Day 1 was simple for me. I know the challenges will get harder and at some point I will want to quit. That is why I have asked one of my good friends to keep me accountable and on track. He is also going through the book for his wife. Together, maybe we can battle in prayer against everything that tries to keep our marriages from growing closer.
It breaks my heart reading how far apart some of you are in your marriages. I have been blessed with a Godly woman who has had LOTS of patience with me. I now know it my turn to show her the love that she deserves.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Well, admittedly, this one came without any difficulty at all—more or less automatically. I don’t often say disapproving things even when I’m thinking of them (though I do sometimes). Today, my wife Christine was especially sweet to me, and it was really fun being with her.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
well I started the book last night and am very nervous about what comes ahead. I did not have trouble so far with no negatives but in the long run may take some work but it is worth it to make my relationship as strong as it can be. I know this book will be very life changing for me and my hubby as well I just hope it sticks after we are done.
October 12th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Optimistic, I want to encourage you that when we don’t see a response from our husband God does. God knows your husbands hurt. My husband and I have been seperated since the beginning of the year. He had an affair and the woman he had the affair with is pregnant. We too went to the movie and my husband’s response is the same thing, it was ok, he said. But I know that my husband’s ok….actually means good. I ahve learned that over the years. Men don’t show emotion the way we do, and I still have to remind myself that he doesn’t share his emotions often and I don’t need to share my every emotion either. My husband is in Christian counseling and let me tell you I am in awe of the Lord. We took a long time to get here and we still have so far to go but I am believing that becuase I did what God asked me to which was work on myself and walk my faith and let my husband see me living out my faith it would change everything. Trust me….turn the looking glass on yourself and ask God to show you the areas you need to work on your husband will slowly notice. And pray your husband out of his addictions…………give it to the Lord……..really give it to him and you will see progress it took almost a year for me to see any progress esp genuine progress but God is working and it is amazing. Remember step by step and really do take one day at a time. You can’t fix your marriage only god can but you can work on helping God fix you.
October 13th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Neither myself or my husband have seen the movie. I heard about the movie on Christian radio and looked it up last night. After reading some pages from the book, and a few of user(s) entries, I started to cry. After that, I ran out and bought the book. Although my husband believes that we have a great marriage, I haven’t…lately… We have been married for 4 yrs this month. He irritates me a lot and I tend to get angry with him quickly, and lately, quite often. I have been judgementmental, which is uncalled for no matter what he does. He loves Jesus with all of his heart but is also a rough/gruff kinda’ guy at times. I am usually very quiet when I get mad at him, which causes him to give me the silent treatment as well. I am sad when he’s not around and am selfish with our time together. Probably too clingy. Sometimes he does or says things that I don’t think are befitting of a Christian man, but I am learning that it’s my job to uplift him instead of picking at what he does. His walk is between him and Jesus.
I will be doing the Dare on my own but my husband is aware of it. I tried to explain the movie and the book to him last night, which sparked a very good talk about our relationship.
Today was Day 1 and I did pretty good. I haven’t said a negative thing to him all day. I tried to be perky but I have a cold and he mistook not feeling well for crankiness once today. I think he actually tried to uplift me as well. He calls me during the day while I’m at work, but today he was particularly cheerful on the phone. I really appreciated the effort on his part.
October 14th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Well, today is day one… I went and saw the movie by myself. My husband wanted to golf instead. That is usually the way it goes. We kind of pass by eachother as we say some hurtful things and then pretend later on that everything is ok. The tension gets thicker and of course the kids notice. I am one that has been thinking of leaving, in all honesty. I pray and pray but it feels like the door is not opening…
The movie on the screen seemed like my life actted out for me. I can see both sides but it still hurts just the same. I want to do this but I am scared. So, again, today is day 1 and I will do as they say - 1 day at a time. Doing acts of kindness, etc. will be much easier than not coming back with a quick and snide remark. Holding my tounge will be challenging but I will do it. We will see how it goes into the rest of the evening. I just pray that I can hold this closer to my heart than the need to retaliate.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:18 am
My husband and I are in the process of reconciling our marriage after my decision this summer to separate from him after an incident involving my oldest daughter. Nothing illegal, just a REALLY big blow up. Anyway, I’m thinking about this first day’s assignment, and resting on the promise that the Lord will never give me anything more difficult than I can handle. He is in control; I know that because my husband and I are back together and trying to mend this broken family.
I’m anxious to see what G-d (and Satan for that matter) has in store for me (for us) through this process. My husband and I are supposed to go see the movie tonight, so please pray for us as we begin this fragile time in our marriage.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Good Morning to all of you: Today is day one of my journey I cant say anything good about today, YET. I am starting this journey because our marriage needs ME to start this and most of all I want to start it. As with all marriages in the beginning everything was great, and, just as with all of the people have been bleed to find fire proof, I (we) have over time developed problems. I can tell my wife is becoming tired of always being on the giving end of things. I love my wife with all my heart, and I tell her that all the time. But I think she has lost trust in me (I have lied to her on more than one occasion) hence the name searching for my soul mate I want to change so I can find my soul mate agian.
I know she loves me. I have really screwed up over the past 8 years and losing just her trust is in and by it self a miricle. I praise God that he has kept us together for this long.
I would not know what to do if she were not here every day. Being here is just not enough for any marriage that is why I have decided to do the love dare. I am not the best person by any means, I know that I have broken many of God law by not knowing the true meaning of each law. I always thought that the commandments were so complex. They are really quit simple. No means No and Honor means always, forever, and with ALL your heart and not just when convienent and in total mind, body and soul not coveting means one woman you chose and who choses you no others FOR LIFE. saying I DO is not just a hand shake and party but a promise to hold sacred and honor. Men look at women like they are just human beings built different. But God made them different for a reason and unique to the awsome gift God gives the universe of life from not them but God himelf. I, we,(MEN) need to get a clue. Go forth and prosper ? Well I intend to but the only way thats going to be done, for me at least, is to be able to do it with my wife.
I to am anxious to see if I can tay the Course and I pray that this goes well for me. This is my first day and so far Im doing ok. We will see. Pleae pray for me.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I am not planning on telling my spouse my decision to complete this 40 day journey. We are both Christian believers yet I have a tendency of “throwing in his face” the fact that I have been praying or trying to make an effort.
The root issue of our marriage is one we have fought about on numerous occasions these past years and they are still a sore subject. Nevertheless I know I want my marriage to work. We have decided that we are in this “for the duration”.
God help me as I start this first day.
October 18th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
This one may be the hardest. Not for me, but for my husband who is quite impatient with most things. LOL
October 19th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Well, to be perfectly honest, I tried doing this dare alone and failed miserably. I went out on Friday and bought both us a Love Dare book. He agreed yesterday morning to do the dare with me.
We didn’t have much time together, due to our work schedules, but we sat down and read and talked about the first day. We did well since nothing negative was said.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:28 am
My wife and I are nowhere near the same page let alone the same book. We saw the movie and both of us liked it a lot. I went to purchase the book to challenge myself to do the dare for our marriage. I fought with this for the first few days due to pride. Anyhow, after fighting with myself and God about this project, I feel God led me to go ahead with it. I looked at the first day, decided it would take a bit more than 1 day to do, so I took my time to practice this for a few days. Let me tell you all, it was a tough few days. I have a wife who is intent on swearing, calling names when things dont go right, and putting me down if I dont do things \perfect\, so for me this was a challenge. A couple days it took everything I had to keep quiet, but I also found when she was berating me, I would pray and the troubles sort of went on by. A tough day done but I feel it tought me things that I need to continue.
October 21st, 2008 at 8:42 am
Day 1: Love is patient
My husband and I have only been married for a few short months but decided to take this journey to start our marriage off right. After a rocky wedding planning year with both sides of our families, our concentration became pleasing them and not each other. I pray this will help us fall deeper in love with each other and God.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Day 1 - We saw the movie on Thursday night and I thought and prayed over the weekend and really felt led to buy the Love Dare and commit to learning how to love my wife in a stronger and more life fulfilling way. We have always had a close relationship but we have struggled in really knowing each other. My wife works days m-f 8-5, and I work nights Tuesday - Saturday 4:00 - very late. We see each other only 1 day fully together per week. Co-workers at work would in joke and say, \Do you need to re-introduce yourself to your wife each week?\ \Hi my name is____and we are married, not sure if you remembered?\ I would walk away with a smile not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, but this weighed very heavy on my heart. After 5 years of marriage for the first time I see a way to really learn who this wonderful gift from God is in my life. I felt us communicating very well after Day 1. I am very thankful and excited about Day 2 and many more days to come.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:33 am
A bit of tongue biting and a lot of thinking before speaking (did I say a lot), but the day went well. I still need some improvement in that I didn’t use negative words, but I made sure I carefully made my point. I never really saw how much I struggle to ‘be right’ and get the last ‘explanation’ in on a discussion. Our marriage is not in the fire, but is not fireproof. I am doing this because I know there are gaps in the armor that could result in disaster. Many prayers to those who struggled more than I today and may God be side by side as we step out into the next day.
October 23rd, 2008 at 9:41 am
I’m still in the middle of day 1, but I’m trying to keep myself honest. I know this is going to be hard for me. Like Grey Bear, I know I always want to have the last ‘explanation’ and help my spouse ‘understand my point of view’. He says I’m defending myself, I know it’s just me wanting to be right. I’ve been able to keep quiet for the last 18 hours or so, but today’s dare has 12 hours of awake time to go (I started yesterday afternoon.) I’m feeling encouraged, because I had an opportunity to break that dare this morning, and I didn’t. Didn’t even think about it in the context of the dare until later. I love my husband, and I really just want him to trust that again.
October 24th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Well, Day 1 is over, and it feels like it’s going to be a rough 40 days. The act of not saying anything negative was not difficult, only because by husband is not speaking to me at all (unless it has something to do with house, kids, bills or church). He completely ignores me otherwise, and it’s all I can do not to burst into tears everytime I look at him. Today is going to be harder, not only because he wants me to leave him alone, but also because I do things like pack his lunch and dish his dinner everyday. It’s going to be difficult to find something kind to do for Day 2. I’m still on the verge of tears today. My husband is my best friend, and I hate not being able to share everything with him. I know it’s my quick temper that has got me into this predicament - he just hates the arguing. Me, I say what’s on my mind and then I’m ready to be friends again, but my words seem to hurt him way more than I expect. God please help me be a better person, and not expect people to just deal with me “because that’s who I am”.
October 26th, 2008 at 2:24 am
This challenge was pretty straight forward I thought but as I went through the first day and consciously made the effort not to speak negatively to my husband, I realized how often I think negative thoughts about him or the things he does. I had to really stop and think before I spoke and that it seems is not something I am accustomed to doing. I did notice however that as the day went by, the easier it became to just not say anything if it was going to be negative. There were times through out the day that I believe my husband tried to stir me and get me going. I was able to recognize that and then respond in the way I would like to be rather than the way I normally am. I am fairly certain that my husband noticed the effort I made. I felt great as I worked through today’s challeng and through out the day I asked the Father above to help me harness my tongue and control my thoughts. I am so thankful that He is greater than everything that is with in me.
October 26th, 2008 at 7:28 am
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
October 28th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Day 1 left me realizing that we don’t share much negativity in our marriage. We do have our days so this is going to be a daily search to remember patience during those times when we do have negative comments or feel like yelling. We will see what day 2 brings.
October 28th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Today i start day 1, Im waiting till i get my check to actually get the book. but i know this cant wait another day. so here i go…step one.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
well day one is over and i shouldnt be surprised at how hard it is…there were many times i wanted to pop off…i didnt bite my tongue 100% of the time but im pleasantly surprised at how often i did…it also made me realize how often i need to bite my tongue towards my kids…this is gonna be an ongoing battle for me…made me see myself in a whole new light…and it wasnt pretty…
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please take these nasty thoughts and feelings out of my heart, please help me melt away the resentment I feel and help me mend. Please be by my side ever reminding me that this family loves me Show me how to love them back.
In Jesus Name, Amen!
November 4th, 2008 at 10:28 am
DAY ONE:
I demonstrated patience by not buying a over-the-top-/ really- couldn’t- afford- it gift, to compensate for the loss of our time in this seperation. With the Lords help I determined to purchase a modest yet more personal offering, that was probably more appropriate for our status.
faithwalks
November 7th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Ok so it took me a week to focus and really complete day one of the dare. Although Its my intention to commit I am finding it difficult. I am mean, condescending impatient critical…need I say more? I agree wholeheartedly that there are certian “reasons” as to why I act the way I do…lack of control to name one. But getting back to the dare and the question posed.did anything happen today that caused anger towards your mate?
yes it seemed he was more rambuncious than normal.playing his electric guitar very loudly next to me. I chose to leave the room..he said fine be that way. I bit my tongue. he followed me and chided me more…strange although I guess to be expected since I bore down and really took today seriously from the dawn. Satan played games….I with Jesus, came out victorious.but man It was VERY challenging not to be MEAN to get my way . I know this is supposed to be more than shutting my mouth but for me that was a huge challenge in itself. certainly showed me how quick tempered and sharp tongued I am ……Ahhhhh NEXT CHALLENGE here I come!
November 8th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I failed miserably on my first day. I first tried not saying anything to think something through that I needed to communicate and he walked out which frustrated me. Then, later in the evening, my autistic brother needed to be rushed to ER but my dh decided after running him to the wrong place I should just take him with my sick infant and 10 year old because he couldn’t be bothered with them or him. I wasn’t patient, pleasant with my words and ended up confessing my failure and apologizing to my 10 year old for my choice of both language and words towards her dad. I am really going to struggle if this is how it is going to be, but I know Jesus can help me through. Today I am going on Day 2.
November 9th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
After reading all of day 1 comments and what \faithwalks\ wrote I have planned to go have lunch with my estranged hubby. I kept telling myself, before hearing about the movie last friday and seeing the movie twice, how could I let my hubby know I have been seriously wanting to try to heal our marriage. Do I take him a gift to show I’m serious. Now however I want to take him to see the movie and let it do the talking…..I’m scared. I don’t handle rejection well—–who does? How do I approach this subject to him. I\ve got to have faith that these few days and the resources comming out of nowhere falling into my lap just before thislunchoen date is God’s doing. I have realized—You can’t buy love. I can only offer me, as imperfect as I am. Do I start Day 1 now? We haven’t lived together for 5 yrs. Or do I wait to see if he’s even interested in reconciliation? I really, really need to be here, with all of you. This is very painful; to still love your spouse and not be apart of.
November 14th, 2008 at 3:37 am
I freely admit that I am not as patient as I need to be. Yet this area is not a struggle between me and my Beloved. We do not argue or put each other down with our words. I can’t say I remember there ever being a verbal offense in our 13 years together.
However, one thing I do is correct him with regard to our children. The ONLY challenge I have EVER had with him was in regard to our children.
He’s not verbally or physically affectionate with the older children, but he is with the younger two. Of course the older ones see this. Then, he’s jokingly sarcastic (again, with the older two). Put those things together and I wind up cleaning up after their wounded hearts on a regular basis.
I’ve tried to communicate their needs to him in an uplifting way for years, but I have yet to see corresponding action. There’re all girls, so I’m concerned about their future choices for male companionship… and so, as a defense mechanism, I’ve resorted to correcting him, even in front of them. If that is a manifestation of impatience, then I’m guilty.
This I did today. I will commit to refrain from doing that.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I saw the movie last evening not knowing anything about it. Maybe that was the best way. My husband picked the movie after hearing someone at work talking about it. We are both in counseling. me for depression and him for the relapse he had with his porn addiction. Tomorrow I will start the day one as today is about over.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Beginning with this dare is easy for me…as my hubby is out of town…unavailable by phone or computer…..thus PATIENCE is the name of the game this day! I have a son at home though…..our last child and only male child…and using this dare to help in THAT relatuonship…will be wonderful! Today he learned of yet another friend whose parents have lost everything and they must begin again….at the mercy of friends and mostly family. It has given HIM a new perspective on the blessings he has….and no! I did NOT rub salt in his wounded heart and say things that would wound it further. I sent only encouraging words his way and told him to pray to God for guidance on how to bless those around him in such dire need!
November 26th, 2008 at 12:14 am
My husband and I saw the movie on Sunday. I told him over a year ago that I didn’t know if I wanted to be married to him anymore and things have errupted over the past year to it looks as though it is really the end. I tried the dare today and did a terrible job, my fuse is short and all I can do is yell at him now. I have so much anger inside me I don’t know what to do, he told me tonight that its all me and that I don’t want to be happy. I need help.
November 28th, 2008 at 3:47 am
I will begin Day 1 in the morning when I get home from work. I’m anticipating a very difficult day. My husband of 4 years and I fell on hard financial times, so we, with our son, moved in with my parents. My husband and our son (who is 2y/o) visited me at work last night. My husband said that he plans on moving out of the house and in with his parents by Jan. 5th. He said he doesn’t want a divorce, but is very frustrated with our current living conditions. We certainly didn’t leave things on a good note when he left, so I’m sure he will want to pick it right back up in the morning when I get home.
Please God, give me the strength to get through this and the knowledge to understand what it will take to save our marriage. Please let my husband calm his temper tomorrow and keep me from reacting to every little remark with tears and words of frustration. Bless us, oh Lord. AMEN
December 1st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
It was hard…but I bit my lip instead of reacting in anger. Especially hard because it was over the Thanksgiving holiday.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I feel shame, Shame of the pain in knowing how angry I am, Pain in knowledge of how my anger has turned to hatred. Yesterday I did something literally kind of weird, My wife is from Kenya and they like to eat Goat. Yes Goat. So I purchased a goat and had it butchered. Yesterday the butcher called to pick it up. So I did. I have heard the stories of the Joy her people have when you butcher the animal, food for all, this is a really big thing. When I came home holding a box! Weird I know. Nothing was said, it was put in the freezer for another day. Yes disapointed. Nothing positive could have come from my mouth of the disapointment. Lietrally nothing was said. Nor were the words “I Love You from my own mouth. Again the shame, the task to day was to be humble, well maybe I was, but I did not feel it, because I expected some kind of reaction in return. Bear one another with Love, Maybe the act of me getting the meat she wanted demonstrate this, but honestly it word Love did not leave my lips nor was it felt in my heart. And this dissapoints me. I have a lot of work to do.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
December 14th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
My husband and I saw the movie last night. We both enjoyed it. We have been struggling in our marriage. Neither of us will resort to divorce, although this is a second marriage for both of us. We have been in counseling. I guess you could say I am the one having a hard time forgiving some things. Although he has some things he needs to work on too. I want to begin the love dare tommorrow. I don’t think he has it in his mind to do so, though.
December 29th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I wanted to start the new year with a better sense of myself and my marriage. I have done this dare challenge before, but I didnt give it 100%. My husband didnt even notice the things I was doing the last time, so I feel I failed myself and the relationship. We are growing apart these days and it hurts. I read the blogs from others and it saddens me to hear so many in trouble. What are we doing? Why do we as humans make things so difficult for ourselves? We punish ourselves by allowing satan to move in and not allow God in. I too get frustrated, defensive, and mean when I feel I am not heard or loved.
I am ready to change and mend broken hearts with the love and guidance of God. I want my marriage to be stronger and better then ever so my kids can see marriage is a blessing not a curse. I know God wants this for me because I have thought back to how my husband and I met and there is no possible way we would have ever met if this one person did not enter our lives. We were in very different areas of life and friends. We truly had the fairly tale relationship then and that is what I am focused on getting back! So… here I go with God!
December 30th, 2008 at 12:21 am
I have mixed feelings about today’s dare because while I don’t believe I am the one to START things, I refuse to back down for fear of being a “doormat” and allowing myself to be bull dozed. T has a strong opinion about everything and believes he is right, he learned it from his father and has always been that way. Learning how to be patient and listen to him ramble on and not engage will be a struggle.
So today, while the actual act may not be practiced on T, I will begin to reflect on the past and learn how I could have handled things differently so that if the time comes to face it again, I will be better prepared. It’s not about winning, it’s about listening and understanding.
Update: Well, I didn’t talk/text/email/IM with T today so it was pretty easy not to say anything negative. What I did work on was not THINKING anything negative. I have a habit of assuming the negative side of things and completely ignoring anything positive that could be. For example, I have spent a great deal of time feeling like T is “happy to move on” since he has already removed his wedding ring. But in reality, he has TOLD me that this is a difficult decision for him and that he DOES love me. But rather than believe what he says I assume the worst. So today, I focused on the more positive and believe that like me, he is also having a hard time moving on. And that he DOES miss me.
December 30th, 2008 at 6:13 am
It is 5am and I cant sleep. I did ok on todays dare. I caught myself a few times and stopped my comments from oozing out! He was cleaning fish in the kitchen and I wondered if most people do that outside. I really had to catch myself because I thought it nasty, unclean and rude to do it in our house. I may be wrong, so a few comments slipped out about it. But, later on we cut up and talked about everything from religion to family, traveling and whatever else came to mind. I complimented him several times and thanked him for being a blessing to me all these years. The one true problem I see we have in our lives is alcohol. I am a social drinker who can take it or leave it. He needs it alot of the time especially at gatherings. He has cut back a bunch since I brought it up but there are times I wish he just wouldnt do it at all. This is the area I have said my peace and have to step back and let God take the reigns. He is the only one to change this area now. So, on to day two and looking forward to the days ahead! God bless all who are putting themselves out there to save their marriages and find themselves in the process. good luck to everyone
January 8th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Today is day 1 for me… My best friend and I are doing this together. My husband knows I am starting this but does not know the day. He also started it– I think….lol… I am excited to see where God leads this… My husband have been married for almost 11 yrs. I am excited what God is going to do through this.. We are also in full-time ministry… Sometimes you can lose focus on our relationship for the ministry… I am not only doing this for me and my husband but also for all my relationships.. I am also EXCITED to walk through this with my best friend.. We will see.. I am excited and scared at the same time….
January 14th, 2009 at 5:46 am
I’ve finally admitted that I need to take this dare as much (or maybe more?) than my husband. “God, please help me to be encouraging & hold my tongue if tempted to say something nagative. I need to change!”
January 14th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Day one has been easy so far, mainly because we have only talked once since he left this morning. I am extending the Day one dare to include others. I am usually have very little patience with his children and with his relationship with mine. Stepchildren have been a real stresser in our relationship and at times I have even thought/wished I could go back and make a different decision concerning marriage, but I love him and want this relationship to work. At one time, I felt that he was my best friend and I hope that I can get that feeling back. I remember when we would TALK about feelings, life, work, just everything; now we never seem to talk or have any time alone. The only way we seem to get the weekend to ourself is if we leave town (only one child home and she is gone everyother weekend). It doesn’t seem to bother him, but I really like to have that time and it seems like when she is gone to Dad’s then one of his children show up to watch tv until 11 or 12. It is like they forget that they have a house of their own. Is this unreasonable to want a weekend alone?
January 15th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
At the end of the day I can say that I was able to hold my tongue & be patient. I kept that in mind today. I need to bring to mind the verses of each day so I can meditate on them. Now to Day 2. “Oh God, help me to be patient AND kind.”
January 20th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Last night my wife bought this book from costco. Befor starting the book I checked out the webpage and read up on the soon to be released movie. We desided to start this journey. So last night we started day one. The “dear” for today seems to be easy, but did make me relize how negitive we have become in the respect of “Just Playing”… Meaning name calling in fun, or sarcasim, or other types of put downs. I pray that this book will open up our communication and our hearts to eachothers needs.
January 24th, 2009 at 11:47 am
well here we go plaz pray for me this saying nothing nagative is gona be a huge challenge for me.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Today is Day 1 for me. It has been a hard day for me. I was not aware that I had a lot of negative thoughts in my head. It took a lot of discipline for me not to say anything mean to him today. It made me stop and think about what I was going to say before I say them to Jason Hopefully tomorrows dare will be a little bit easier than todays.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Today is day one for me. I’m not sure how this will go since my husband is in another state for the next four weeks for work. I talked to him on the phone once and it really wasn’t hard for me to keep the nasty, negative words from coming out. At this point I am just blessed that he will even speak to me on the phone. I feel in my heart that he still cares but the thngs he says to me are incredibly hurtful. He tells me over and over again that he is going to file when he returns. I am praying that this dare saves my marriage and me.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:49 am
So i started my 40 day journey today and day 1 turned out to be more difficult than I expected…lol. Just about 60 seconds after reading it I went into the bathroom and Phillip, my husband, had left a huge shaving and water mess all over my bathroom sink. To make a long story shorter…lol…I immediately caught myself getting ready to explode a barrage of angry and bitter words. However, I didn’t! I held my tongue and sweetly reminded my husband that I had other things to do this morning and would greatly appreciate if he could wipe it up. AMAZING!!! A simple sure honey came out of his mouth! lolol I was so impressed I found myself LOOKING for the things that normally make me snap at him and was not only applying it to him but also my kids…I found myself a LOT LESS STRESSED!! Snapping and negativity was causing MORE snapping and negativity. Kinda like UUUMMM DDDUUHHHH!! lol but it wasnt perfect…half way through the day I kinda got overwhelmed because it is hard for this process to be one sided. Since my spouse is not doing the Love Dare I feel kinda lonely in it and find myself looking for some type of recognition. I dunno where that comes from, but it can be pretty overwhelming. Hopefully that will fade away with the days to come. Through out this process I have promised myself not to glance forward to the coming pages and I dont intend to. I think it will throw me somehow. One day at a time, for me, means one page at a time…lol
January 30th, 2009 at 3:58 am
…by the way, I just have to say thank you to the creators of this site, the book, the movie and everyone involved. What a miracle this is going to be for so many couples. And thank you to all the “Journalists” posting their real stories of struggles and worries as well as passions and triumphs so that we all know there are others going through this and we are not alone in this uphill battle. Thank you thank you thank you….and Good Luck to all! My prayers go out to everyone! God Bless!!
February 1st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
My husband and I just recently watched the movie and I loved it. The things that Kirk Cameron was doing in the movie reminded me so much of what my husband has done-for example….the whole internet thing. We have had numerous problems with it and I have been ready to walk out on him. I am just curious if the Love Dare is something that a couple can do together or if it is one-sided? Is it possible for a couple to do it together or does it need to be done alone? If anybody has any answers that would be great!
February 2nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I started over yesterday. I’ve been working on this since the middle of December and yesterday decided it was time to start over from the beginning. The first day is not hard - I just tell myself to keep my mouth shut. When she asks me the 50/50/100 questions I just don’t respond. For those of you who don’t know a 50/50/100 question is one where you have a 50% chance of getting the answer right and a 100% chance of getting the answer wrong. That seems to be one of our biggest problems - I can’t seem to do much of anything right and when I ask her what she wants from me or what I’m doing wrong she says nothing. She often says I can’t believe you think you are doing anything wrong. But is very obvious to me. Whatever I do is met either with complaint or she must do it over. If I load the dishwasher she needs to come and reorganize it. If I try to make a meal she has to step in and change things. If I fold the towels she spreads them all out and does them over. She keeps telling me that I’m not doing anything wrong but it is obvious to me that whatever I do for her is not good enough. I feel very much like Kirk at the beginning of the movie except that I don’t have the kind of free time he seemed to have. Working a typical 16 hours a day, 6 days a week doesn’t provide enough.
February 2nd, 2009 at 2:06 pm
This is my first day. I watch the movie an couple days ago. I’m excited about doing this my wife deserve all this an more. I’m looking to start being romantic all over again.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:52 pm
I too give my husband the 50/50/100. I find myself redoing everything he does. It’s not that he does do things right, but I can tell from his attitude that he doesn’t care and will do a job/task just half & half to get it do and say he did it and maybe I will stop asking him to do things and do them myself. I find myself frustrated over this, if he only cared to do his best at home like he does for our friends
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Thanks learningtolove. My husband also need his beer. And this is one of the problem areas in our marriage. I don’t like the person he become after he has a few beers. I have tried to talk to him about it, but than of course I’m nagging. Or he comes up with a thousand reasons, why he needed to drink today. I’m afraid too say too much for fear he will become a \closet drinker\. This is really hard. I pray to God about it, but it is hard to seat back and wait for his answer.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:30 am
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
February 6th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
So my day 1 was January 31…I wrote in my journal at home. This is what I wrote….
M - This should be fun. My tongue likes to be sharp sometimes. Teach me YOUR LOVE Jesus!
E - So for the most part it was good. I came close to some big blow ups. I did get smart a couple of times. Gonna work on that tomorow. Last night I had one of my, “Girl comes in and takes my husband dreams” The awesome part is… For once I had the confidence (in the dream) he was gonna stay with me. I saw his eyes wander but it quickly stopped. I believe whether or not he wants to admit it he has been looking at other women & pondering the idea of an affair.(A wife can always tell where her husbands heart really is) Even though I’m the one who has talked about leaving. It would have been out of pride and not for someone else.
I Love you Baby. I really wanna work for this. Jesus help me do so! I can’t do any of it w/o your help.
February 10th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I started this yesterday, and I must say I did pretty well. However, my husband and I only saw each other a total of 4 hours yesterday, so it was relatively easy to not get mad at someone when you don’t see them! In the 4 hours we were together, I refrained from saying anything negative to him, about him (or his family), or in general. I asked him about his day, what he was doing the next day, how his mom was and what they had for dinner (he and our boys went to his mom’s house for dinner while I was at my fitness class), etc. He was receptive to it, but he didn’t act suspicisous. I won’t hardly see him today, either, so it’ll be interesting to do today’s challenge. I’m still debating what to do for it. I kind of started yesterday by cleaning out his lunch box, washing it, and repacking it with non-perishable items for today. But that’s not enough; I need to do something else. I’m trying to think of what he’s been asking me to do . . . if I can think of something, I’ll do that.
February 10th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
When my wife said that she wanted a divorce, I was all for it. We are tired of fighting. I moved out within a few hours. She has a lot of anger.
I am here because my sister-in-law suggested that I watch Fireproof. I did, felt that it was not all applicable, but took its value for what it was. My wife had bought us the Love Dare book for Christmas, but we never started it.
While speaking to my wife last weekend, she said that she reluctantly saw Fireproof (the sister-in-law again). She is glad that she did because she feels some redemption in her anger towards me. She related to the movie a lot. I asked if I could borrow her rented copy because I wanted to see it again through her eyes. I think that helped, I was certainly far more engaged.
One of my employees asked yesterday if I had seen the movie (pure coincidence). I said yes, I was going to watch it again last night. She handed me another copy of the book. I am not a religious man (my wife is a Christian), but I know this is the direction intended for me. I started today. It is hard when we don’t live together anymore because the tension is not there, but I can still try. I asked if she wanted to do it together and she responded that she was too far gone and still wanted to pursue the divorce. I responded that I was going to start the Journey on my own because she was worth it and that I loved her. I guess in itself that is part of what day one asked for. Now I am planning day two. I think that I am going to get breakfast for her and the kids (she has them in the morning) and drop it off before they come downstairs to eat. That will relieve part of her morning burden of getting the kids (and herself) fed and to school on time.
February 13th, 2009 at 12:05 am
This is the best thing I have ever decided to do! I am the one in the marriage who wants to seperate…not my husband, But I love my husband and I do want to try and save this marriage. I said not a negative word to my husband or children to day…it was great! I got on my face before God and asked Him to forgive me for all my horrible words and actions. I do not want my heart to be full of anger…it pains me to think how I have poisoned my marriage with my mouth. My husband said we he came home fromwork how he hadn’t been this happy to be home in a long time. My positive loving attitude changed the entire aroma in our home. My husband and I laid in bed, watched tv, held each other and made love that was long overdue. We are no where near healed, but we are on the right path. God changed my heart this morning…He really truly did.
February 14th, 2009 at 9:51 am
I am starting today. Valentine’s Day. We aren’t celebrating it.
We are barely speaking. My Dad and Stepmom sent us the book,
just came yesterday… I don’t think my husband knows that’s
what it is. I don’t want him to try to do it with me, though he probably
would, because we will end up competing and telling the other
one that they didn’t follow the rule and that’s why we’re not succeding.
All we seem to do is blame eachother for messing up ‘first’… after each
time we make up. I will admit that I probably would have left him
already if it weren’t for our 5 yr. old son. I do not feel love for him.
I do not understand some irrational love for someone who hurts me
and doesn’t seem to care….for someone who is making me hate
my life. I want to make it work for our son. Because I feel that if he
grows up watching us in this awful relationship, he will not know how
to be in a healthy relationship. I feel we are dooming his chance for
true love and happiness. And splitting up may be better for him if
things don’t change, but that certainly isn’t going to be good either.
He would pretty much lose his Dad, as we would have to move away.
I would like anyone’s opinion on that….. doing this more for my son
than because I love my spouse. I don’t think it’s wrong. I think he
is the most important reason to save this marriage. I can’t create
feelings for my husband that have been driven out by 3 years of
fighting. Hopefully if this works, those feelings will start to grow again. in both of us.
February 14th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Hey era3. I have been married for 21 years and have four children. I had it rough sometimes. I often thought about divorce myself. However my mom has always told me to hang in there for my kids. I think you should take this dare. Remember to lead your heart instead of following it. We can sometimes think that we don’t love our spouses until something bad happens to them. Take the challenge, commit to it, and pray so that the Lord will fill you up with grace to overcome any negativity from your husband. Show your son that even when things are tough, you can overcome anything under the Lords wing. God Bless you and I know that soon you will be posting positive things of your marriage….
February 17th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
well today i was getting my kids ready for school and my oldest wasn’t listening very well and i was getting a little flusterd so instead of getting angry i went and assisted him by finding his shoes and jacket. then he said to me as he was leaving for school he said thanks dad have a good day i said you too well that made me feel really good and that love is really something you cant take for granted. i love this book aand im only in the first day.
February 17th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Last night I sat down with two of my children and watched Fireproof. We kept commenting on scenes and relating to the story. It was all to familiar. I was saddened by the fact that my children related so well, for they live in our disfunction everyday. My husband didnt watch it, and I am not sure ever will. I decided to attempt this journey for myself and with the help of God. I am just beginning to come to know God and I am willing to try anything that might bring me closer to him and my family. I am a black hole waiting for something to fill my void. Today I searched for the Love Dare and decided to start right away. I have just started to realize how empty my life and heart have been. So far so good. I have stayed civil and positive. Good news is he has been at work all day so I had time to prepare myself. Its hard to be patient when I am use to instant gratification. I have been learning that everything I get easy doesnt usually pay off. Everything I work for I get rewarded. So today I pray for patience for myself and for all of you out there on this journey also.
February 19th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Yesterday was day 2 for me and I have to say that trying to say nothing negative again on top of being kind was a little difficult. I almost have to avoid talking all together. Its not as if we are in screaming matches, its worse! We do it calmly while playing the blame game. You can hear and see all the pain and hurt we are both going through. We both have been faithful in our marriage, we both just checked out emotionally and intimately. We havnt been physical at all in months. Now trying to start over is harder cause we have a lot of unresolved issues that keep us apart. We still have a love for each other and three daughters which is why we are still here. Sometimes I think a fresh start with someone else would be best, but I learned a long time ago “no matter where you go there you are” So I realize its not him I dont love, its me and how I react to him and others. So I did my act of kindness, I shoveled the sidewalks and bagged all garbage, and cleaned out his truck. Today I thought I would wash it but Alaska weather is unpredictable and its snowing today, its better to stay off roads so I think i will find something else nice to do to just because I really want to give this a great chance. Anyway I had to catch up on my journal since last night I was to upset and tired. Keep me in your prayers, as all of you are in mine. Wish me luck I am getting ready to start day 3!
February 19th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
God has put it on my heart for some time that I have not been doing enough, or rather I have not been doing enough of the right things. I am tired of feeling bad and hopeless in my marriage. Last weekend I showed my husband The Love Dare book and he was automatically intimidated by all of the references to scripture and looked at me like I was crazy then asked if this was something I was going to do alone. It broke my heart so I put the book back on the shelf. Today I woke up and decided enough it enough. The Love Dare is something that I have to do for myself and my marriage. I am praying that my husband will notice the change and if not I hope he can at least enjoy it. Maybe just maybe he will be inspired. Even though I am doing this without my husband I am glad that I have read I am not alone. I will be praying that the book inspires us to do the work God expects of us and we can fireproof our marriage. Bless you and your journey.
February 19th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Started my journey yesterday. Eventhough my marriage is not in a crisis right now. It has been thru some crisis that I often wonder how I survived. My only guess is God. So my husband and I went to see the movie FireProof Friday the 13th. Thru the weekend I kept thinking about the movie and how well it describes the different crisis that a marriages go thru. I decide to buy the book. Once I got it I wondered if I should take the journey or give it to my brother so he can take the journey.After having the book for a couple of days, I decided I was going to do it. So yesterday was my first day. It wasn’t that difficult since my husband had to work all day and half the night. I stay up until he got home. I bit my tong a couple of times trying not be say anything negative. And I didn’t. I only told him that he did not call me at all during the day, which is very rare, but didn’t make much of it and went to sleep. Under other circumstances I would have had a big fit because he did not call me. I have a very active mind and since he has been unfaithful before, my mind just goes wild…. Nevertheless I kept my cool and did what the dare said. Today is the second day of the dare. Lets see what happens today….
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
I did day one yesterday. It went well and I got through the day without a single negative comment. I had to bite my tounge a couple times…but for the most part it wasn’t too difficult. Everytime I got tempted to say something negative I would instead try and compliment him and actually it felt kinda good. Like many people on here I am doing this alone. He watched the movie with me and knows I am doing it but doesn’t want to do it himself. I hope and pray that in time, as he sees the changes God is making in me that he’ll want them for himself as well. Day 2 here we come
February 24th, 2009 at 8:35 am
i took the dare starting yesterday, my husband thinks we are ok “we don’t need any help” I am a strong believer that we cant do it alone. He will got to church with me, I don’t force the issue. I am doing the dare to help us grow closer together. I have a tendancy to jump down his throat, but yesterday and from now on I am not going to do that. He is the only one working right now, I am in the process of filing for SSI because I am deaf and I weeble wobble alot. I haven’t worked in over 1 year. We are living from paycheck to paycheck and it is tough. Keep us in ur prayers as I do the dare and Shawn is at work daily, he is a groundskeeper at a local cemetary.
February 25th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Day 1 so far has been pretty easy for me. I rarely have anything harsh to say to my fiance.
Our Church challenged us to do something in preperation for the 40 days before Easter. My fiance decided to do this since it’s a 40 day + comittment. We were discussing what we were planning to do and he brought it up. The pastor who leads our bible study suggested that I do it too. My fiance doesn’t know yet that I took up the pastor on his suggestion. He’s a smart cookie, he’ll probably figure it out eventually especially since he’s doing the dare himself.
This as well as taking the Crown Financial classes at our church is also kinda like additional marriage prep for us.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I started this yesterday. I have decided not to tell my spouse I am doing this. We bought the movie and watched it for Valentine’s Day. I talked with him about doing it, but his fear is that I will “keep score” with him about whether or not he’s fulfilling the daily dares. At first, I saw it as his problem and that he didn’t want to work on our relationship. I had my weekly counseling session soon after that and spoke with my therapist about it.
She basically helped me see that I wasn’t appreciating what he DID give to our relationship, instead I was too concerned with “keeping score” and only seeing what I WASN’T getting.
I decided after that to get The Love Dare and do it without telling him. I find it amazing that this came into my life when it did because what was said in the book about not trying to change our mate, but to love them for who they are is basically the same message my therapist has been giving me. Between my session with her and what I’ve read in the book so far, it all clicked.
So, my tip for anyone who is looking for wisdom and enlightenment in these comments is: Think about what your spouse IS doing/ how he/ she IS trying (even if it’s not much), instead of feeling like you have to be the “taskmaster” (as my therapist refers to it) and evaluate what they are NOT doing for you.
It’s not your job to change them! It’s your job to change yourself and God will help with the rest
I love this book already 
February 26th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I decided to start this \Love Dare\ yesterday for Ash Wednesday (the beginning of Lent). My marriage has been hanging by less than a thread and we’ve been talking of divorce. The movie was almost an exact replica of our marriage. My marriage is a very heavy cross for me and I don’t know how much longer I can carry it. So, I said a very weak one sentence prayer to the Lord and He heard it and lead me to the movie and this web site. I’m going to listen to Him and give my best effort to this love dare for the 40 days of Lent and see where it takes me and my husband. If Jesus carried the heavy cross for me I can keep dragging mine and I know He is carrying the heavier end for me right now. Please say a prayer for me and my husband. I’m a follower of Christ but, my husband is more of an agnostic so that makes it so difficult. I know a praying wife can help him but, I’m so tired. Love and prayer for all of you going through this too….God bless each of you and your marriages!
February 26th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Day one was alot harder than I expected. But knowing in my heart that my wife is my world and there is nothing that I would not do for her, I held my tongue. And much to my surprise our evening went alot better than it would have normally gone. her job really stresses her out so she comes home stressed and any little thing that is not how she feels it should be sets her off. And seems she throws it at me (not literally). And before now even if I was in A good mood I would instantly turn OFFENSIVE. But this time I didnt. I simply said I was sorry she was so stressed and I would try really hard to elliminate the things at home that cause additional stress. And that I love her and I missed her through out the day. When I layed down to go to sleep and went through the day in my mind I felt alot lighter than I normally would and rested alot easier. It showed me that answering to anger with anger only adds to the anger. Which should have been a no brainer. Cause I love math and who in the world does not know that 1 + 1=2. I am 31 years old and have been with my wife going on 15 years and NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY TIME HAVE I EVER LOOKED AT IT THAT WAY. I can hardly wait for day 2. Day showed me how to truely understand what I already knew and how to actually put it to use. Im grateful to my friends that love me enough and GAVE ME THIS DARE. I concider myself a fairly smart man but things I thought I knew already were just words in my head. I truly understand the meaning of PATIENT and where it fits with the love in my heart the only thing left now for day 1 is to actualy make DAY 1 a part of your everyday life and not just see it as DAY .
March 10th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Well, today is Day 1 for me (sort-of). My husband and I have struggled for 13 years in our marriage. I have always said that without God as being the centre of the marriage it doesn’t work. We’ve been to councelling, done marriage seminars, other studies, I’ve bought numerous books, and nothing seems to stick. My husband stopped going to church years ago, and to be honest I’ve given up on going too… God doesn’t really seem to be a focus at all for either of us lately. We have agreed that the main reason we are still together is for the sake of the kids (2 boys- ages 9 and 12), but I have often wondered and stressed over what lessons we are teaching them… sure that we made a committment to one another and are still “honoring” that and staying together - mind you, there is not much “honor” in our marriage though. My husband and I bicker and argue and I know that the example that we are setting for our boys is not a good one, and yet we fail to ever change that. I keep thinking that we are raising future husbands here, and it saddens me to think that one day my future daughter-in-laws may end up going through some of the same heartaches and brokeness that I have endured… and it breaks my heart all over again.
We watched the movie FireProof as a family. My husband questioned whether it was really appropriate for the boys to see, but I reminded him that they see this in thier home anyway. We discussed things abit afterwards, and I really saw that my boys got alot out of the movie. So, here it is, weeks later since we saw the movie and I finally bought the love dare book. Reluctant that it will work, to be honest… afterall, I have quite the library of marriage books already on my shelves that never really seemed to work either. I read day one last night, and really felt my heart wasn’t in it. I thought about the money that I again waisted on what I thought was going to be hopeless efforts. But then today…. my oldest son and I were bickering about the morning routine of getting ready for school. My oldest is a mini version of my husband in every way - the quick temper, the attitude that he is right and everyone around him is wrong, the selfishness, and even his looks are very similar to his father’s, and as much as I love my son, I know I harbour feelings of resentment and anger towards him… he gets so much of my husband’s time and efforts, love and attention that I know that jealousy has set into my life. So, in the midst of our yelling match about the morning routine, I sat him down on the couch and I read him day one together (of course changing words to relate it to the family dynamic). I realized this book doesn’t just apply to my marriage, it applies to my entire family and how we treat one another. My attitude changed, and what I didn’t get last night when reading it I definately got today. And my son’s attitude changed too. We prayed together, which we haven’t done in a VERY long time, and I see a willingness in him to do the dare. He immediately realized that this was the book from the movie, and asked about whether he should just keep quiet when this boy at school picks on him (his frienemy - one day really good friends the next day ememies). Although I was hoping for a change in the way him and I were treating one another, he got it as a way to treat everyone around him. Good for him!! I’m excited about this love dare… still a little apprehensive I have to admit, but willing and hopeful. I am praying for good things to happen out of this 40-day challenge - not only for my marriage but for my family. My husband knows that the book is here. I was pushing him to do it last night, but I have realized something I have always known… I can’t change my husband, only God can do that. I need to not stress over whether my husband reads the book or not. God needs to work on my life, my attitude, and hopefully as I change my husband will see the changes in me and that will inspire him to want to change as well. I pray for him, I pray for my family, and I pray for change in myself. I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel… I believe it could be called hope.
March 10th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Day one “Love is Kind” was not a good day. I did keep the challenge in the back of my head all night. But I think I went about it all wrong. Instead of just not saying anything, I chose to say my disapproving thoughts in a soft tone and what I thought was a nice way but they were still threatening to my husband. I hope to find a way for both of us to communicate to the other w/o it being a put down. It is really hard keeping your patience when your partner does not. I am finding that this journey is not just about learning to love my husband the way I should, but also learning to love myself and excepting that I’m not always in control or right. I have to have faith in God and my husband. I am going to move on to day 2 and hope to bite my tougue a little better.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:16 am
When I watched the movie it was like watching my life on tv with a few things added and a few missing. I have been on day 1 dare since 2/9… 3 whole days and I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut.It’s that pride thing agian rearing its head….my excuse is that my husband keeps saying hurtful things that he dont think are hurtful….well no excuses.Here goes day 4….Pray for us. With God all things are possible!!!!!! I wrote “humble gentle patient say nothing negative on my arm. I pray that by repeating this I will be able to do this but not just for day 1 dare…from this day forward.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:19 am
The Day 1 challenge was not difficult because I have, in the past, resolved not to say negative things in light of bad situations - sometimes I would succeed, other times I would fail. I am thankful that there were no issues that came up until bed time that would have prompted me to say anything negative. Instead, I took my thoughts to bed with me and had a very sleepless night.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
The first day was pretty simple for me. I said nothing negative to her. I just basically listened.
March 13th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
A neighbor and I are going to start this for our husbands. We are both doing this without their knowledge. She and her spouse have watched the movie and me and mine have not.
My husband and I have a pretty good relationship but I feel that sometimes there is something missing. We were married young and have been married for almost 15 yrs. We are both commited to making our marriage work but I feel that I need to change the way I feel in the relationship to help make it stronger.
We have started going to church together and I feel that this may also help us become closer and help our marriage last another 15 yrs and then some.
I plan on Journalling on here every step of the way and sharing my experience.
March 19th, 2009 at 9:16 am
This one wasn’t that bad. The thing about my wife that annoys me is when I don’t see any care from her. She punched me on my spine really hard, I know she didn’t mean to, but I told her that it hurt me, and she didn’t show any care. That annoys me, but I know I had to keep my mouth closed, and I did, and I official began the next day. That morning I was confused about something she said, I questioned her about it, found out I was wrong, and she called me stupid twice, and I was hurt by that, but when I questioned her on it, she was justifying her actions, then later appologized and confessed that she was wrong. But I maintained myself from responding back to her in the same manner or worse. That was a little trying, but it wasn’t that bad.
March 23rd, 2009 at 8:58 am
My ex (divorced twice in 3 years) sent our son a message to let me know he was starting day one today. I am very skeptical. I don’t know why he told me at all really… he made it a point to share what he was doing but why not tell me himself. I am confused by his intentions. We have divorced twice but have never really seperated, we still love one another greatly. I am sad that I can’t believe his intentions are honorable. He should uphold my honor above anyone and he doesn’t do that…
I want to be honored by this man and know he will defend my honor above anyone else’s.
March 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Today was our first day of The Love Dare Challenge. I am so happy that my husband is willing to put in the time and effort to help our marriage. Today went very well I think. I didn’t say any of the impatient mean things that came into my head. I just kept remembering the old saying, if you don’t have anything nice to say do not say anything at all. I know I couldn’t have gotten through today without knowing that my husband was most likely going through the same things in his head all day too. It was much easier to be patient with him when he was being patient with me. I hope this will continue into the rest of our lives. I do not want to be an impatient person, but since I was focusing so hard on not being angry or impatient with my husband I found myself being more angry and impatient with my daughter. Now I will just have to balance them both. I was very tired all day today, but my husband did not get on my case for not doing enough around the house like he usually does. It made me feel more willing to want to make him happy. After he came home and did not yell at me, I got our bedroom cleaned up and made him a nice supper while he sat and finished a movie he had started watching the night before. It was nice to be able to do something nice for him. I know he works very hard and I do truly want to make him happy. It was just hard to do when everytime I would start to try to make him happy he would say something to make me not want to do anything anymore. I am so happy, I can’t wait for the next dare.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:30 am
I am going to try this bc if something don’t change in my marriage I know it is over. This is my third marriage, I am not good at and that makes it hard on everyone. I don’t want to lose my hubby I do love him just can’t always so it. I am a very selfish person and that is killing our marriage. This won’t be the easiest to do for me my hubby is a long distance truck driver, so he is gone alot. He is home for about a week a month and all we do is fight, I am tired of that. I know I need God’s help with this or it will go out the window. I am going to try to get hubby to work on this too. We will see if that works or not.
March 27th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
There’s such a good reason that this is Day 1- changing what you say just changes your whole demeanor and attitude. It’s one thing to promise to “say nicer things”, but when you have an absolute prohibition on being negative it just disappears from your mind. Poof. Gone. Not an option.
We share everything, and this includes our anger and frustration. We’ve gotten in fights over the vitriol in the past, and I always feel terrible about them. What would I think if these were the last words he heard from me? One of my friends had her dad die when she was a teenager, and she has terrible guilt over the fact that the last thing she said to him hours before he died was “I hate you” in a typical angsty teenager fight.
I’m on day 3 now, and it’s gotten easier to keep from saying nasty things. I had a ’sort of’ slip saying something about his mother’s actions, but I did catch myself. I’m getting better already!
April 1st, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Like airforcewife2, I remember growing up hearing “if you don’t have anything nice to say do not say anything at all” and we have tried to put that into practice over the past 30 years of marriage. It has not always been easy, but today was ok. There were no major issues to argue over so I didn’t have to bite my tongue. Thank you God!
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
Day One was pretty easy for me.
I tend not to Say Things. I’ve been told I clam up.—so I don’t say things.
I’ve seen second hand that things you say — can not be taken back. So i have chosen over the past year with my Fiance’ to keep comments to myself. Sometimes it is a good thing; but then sometimes things bottle up; and boy when they explode……
I am on Day 7 myself — but I have decided today that I am going to stop and buy him a copy too. I think that WE BOTH need to know we are on the same page and working on the same goals!
April 5th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Day One… What could I say about that. It was hard not saying anything negative. Especially when it has been three days since he has said one kind word to me at all. So when he finally did take the initiative to say something remotely nice I was heated from him ignoring me and talking down to me. Yet, I realized that if I really did want to fix my marriage I owed it to be kind when he was kind. That made a turn once he wanted to talk about the cause of the anger. Sort of a RECAP..if you will. So in the end he gave his recount of events and I gave mine. And never the two shall meet. And it was back and fourth. Him with his version and me with mine. But there was a few back and fourth comments but nothing negative. NO…slurred name calling…pot shots…or attempts at murder…on to day two
April 6th, 2009 at 11:30 am
DAY ONE: (yesterday) It was so-> hard I was really quiet (for once) not saying anything negative was harder that I thought. I didn’t realize almost everything I say to FI is negative I am glad that I decided to do this I want our relationship to be just like it was when we met a year ago needless to say that I have realized this and now have to say more positive things…this dare is just going to get harder I can see it now….day 2 here i come
April 7th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
This is my first day. My husband and I married very young but I believe with time this will work I am not going to tell him for a while Gopd Bless me and lead us to you.
April 8th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Today is day two and I hugged my husband and made him coffee he looked at me like what you want. This kinda made me sad because we never seem to touch. I want to resch him but it may very well be too late
April 8th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
God Bless us in this journey
April 15th, 2009 at 7:44 am
How do you take this journey when your wife wants nothing to do with you during her recovery from drug abuse? All I hear is that she doesn’t know if she wants to be married, that she doesn’t want to spend time together, that she needs space. I know she is working on her recovery but it hurts to love and be unloved, unappreciated, ignored etc.
How do I do the dare if I never get to spend time with her?
April 17th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I actually started this four days ago and just found out about the online community. Day one was fairly easy because I just thought about what I said before I said it. There were a few times that negative thoughts passed through my mind, but I just kept my mouth shut and prayed for God to take the negative thoughts. I prayed for God to keep me strong & help me to recognize those times & he did. It wasn’t like that every day & I’ll post those on the other days to catch up to day 4, which I am on now.
I read a post by a member who has a wife that he never gets to spend time with & he asked how he going to do the love dare if he doesn’t get to spend time with her. I believe with all my heart that if you pray for God to give you the opportunities to do the things in The Love Dare, He will give them to you.
April 21st, 2009 at 12:07 pm
This is my first day. I have done nothing but hurt my wife over 15 years…I’ve had an affair, addiction to pornography, and recently done some inappropriate e-mails. She knew of the other events, but discovered the e-mails just recently. I stopped before she found them and knew I had to get my life straight in God’s eyes. This is my attempt to help heal the pain from over the years and finally have a happy marriage. I want a happy marriage and happy family, and only I can make it happen.
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Well this one will be easy, I can’t remember the last negative thing I said to my wife. I try to tell her something positive every day. I usually tell her how good she looks or thank her if she has done something around the house. Yesterday she passed a voluntary physical fitness test at work(she’s a deputy sheriff/pilot) with a high score and I told her how much I respected her discipline. I gave her a back and foot rub and made her a chocolate dessert. I don’t get to see her everyday but I usually talk to her on the phone if I don’t see her. And I try to spoil her when she lets me.
April 24th, 2009 at 9:13 am
God bless all of the people who are trying this in their marriage. We need more marriages to stay together! The grass is always greener and eventually the honeymoon is over and real life sets in. That’s when the commitment you made to one another has to be reflected upon. I have been married for 20 years! You’d think we’d be all set by now. I think I have just gotten to the point in my life where I am not willing to put up with his negative attitude and the way he takes me for granted. He hasn’t really changed -it just took me this long to decide that I won’t put up with it. He has always said that feelings aren’t important to him. So I am going this alone even though I think he’s the one who needs to improve - don’t we all think that it is the other’s fault? His concern is the bedroom but mine is the every day stuff. The way I see it, if the every day stuff doesn’t click then the bedroom doesn’t work for me. I don’t usually say negative things to him - I think - but I do have them in my thoughts so I will try to keep both in check today - my words and thoughts. Maybe a positive attitude will rub off?
April 24th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
today has been a good day i can say,, usually i end up questioning her about what she has done. who she talked to, but i got over that.. we talked on the phone acouple of times today and not one argument or smart remark.. she actually talked to me like i was somebody.. i know it made her feel good and it definately made my whole day even though we dont stay together. She asked if she could borrow some money so when she gets off work she is coming to mine. im just happy to see her and thankful that i can actually see that i can do this. hopefully i can get day 2 off line cuz i dont have the book yet.
April 24th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
April 27th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Well, I saw the movie last week. (By the way, this is the second time I’ve had to type this since the Captcha words are barely decipherable on my PC. ) Like many others, I am sure, I cried at the end. But it occurs to me… that was a movie. It’s a fiction. She forgave him at the end because the script told her to. I’m living real life here.
I bought the Love Dare journal. I admit that I read as much as I could the first day just to see if I thought it would work! Got through about Day 20 on the first reading. What I realized was that I’ve done more than half these things sort of instinctively over the past year+. So far, no effect. But I’m thinking perhaps they work better in order over 40 days, so I’m willing to give it a try.
Did Day 1 today. It wasn’t pretty. In fact, she dismissed my sincere attempt as “hollow” and deceptive. “Too late,” she said. “Where was this kindness before when I needed it?” She doesn’t know how to forgive. Not at all sure she understands the concept.
Someone out there tell me this is all worth it.
May 21st, 2009 at 8:11 am
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
May 21st, 2009 at 8:21 am
(I have had to re-write this also because of the captcha -sigh-)
My relationship is a bit difficult.
I’m not married, which means I don’t really see my boyfriend that often. We are fighting and to make it short, he doesn’t believe (but hopes) that we can work it out. We have currently broken up, and since we had talked about getting married more than once, this heart break is a bit difficult for me.
We have decided that space and time will have to heal the relationship, but I don’t believe that is all it will take.
Because I don’t see him every day, I don’t have to worry as much about saying negative things to him. Instead, I have apologized for everything that I said that was negative when we broke up, without worrying about his apology. I’m not expecting him to apologize. Since I cant see him, it’s also difficult to communicate with him. I have decided to try and find other ways besides emails and phone calls to communicate with him.. I’m praying this works.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:34 am
day 1 was easy because 2 days before i started this journey i came home from work to a husband that was acting a little strange. i finally asked him what was wrong with him and he told me that he couldnt trust me for the things that i had done and the things that he had done in the past. he told me that he wanted a divorce and there was no turning around and looking back. It was over period.
It wasnt hard saying anything mean to him because my pastor had given me a scripture to read that completely changed the way i have been thinking about our relationship the last couple of months and i understood that things are suppose to be given to Him and He would take care of things for you.
I pray that this love dare works i love my husband with all my heart and i cant bear to be without him
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Day 1 - I did want to get angery many times. I did have bad thoughts and when they started I just kept thinking what God has given me and that I need to do the same for my family. I kept everything to myself. This helped me forget what it was I was starting to get angery at/about. It was very interesting to see the relationship if a new point of view. I do not judge my wife for her actions with me today because this is how we have been for the past 3 years. May God continue to Bless my family and me with his patience.
June 11th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Day 1 - Im scared this isnt gonna work, Im gonna hang in there though, my hubby is in the Army and we have been together for 3 yrs… we are having trouble comunicating and when we do.. we just argue. So today has been really hard. Hope it gets easier. THanks for listening
June 12th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
June 15th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
This day was pretty easy. The only easy issue is that because we are both deployed it is very hard to stay in communication. When we did communicate I made sure to stay positive and focused on her and the day’s objective. Overall it was a success. Thanks for listening and wish me luck tommorrow.
June 17th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Will be starting day one tomorrow. I really believe I need to do this for my marriage. I hope this will bring some light into my husband and see how we need to work on things. Please pray.
June 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Im starting Day one. Which I think will be the hardest challenge for me. I tend to start fights because of my mistrust in him ( he has lied about almost everything it seems). Last night he told me that I was not worth changing and giving up his addictions. I gave him my ring back and want to call it quits but I feel that God put this on my heart to do this challenge. I hope this might make a difference. I hope he sees I am worth it.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Boy I didn’t realize how negative I am towards my husband. I know that I was not perfect in this Dare Day 1 but now patience is something I’m striving towards. There were many times I wanted to let go and say negative things but I didn’t although a few did slip out. I do however realize that I may not say negative things but act negatively towards him. So I need to work on this in many ways.
I pray for God to come into my heart and help me to make the necessary changes I need.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Okay I have to tell you all that this is weird for me to be doing this Love Dare… I am not married. But there are two reasons I am doing this. The first is that I prayed and asked God to bring to me a kind and loving man, who was a Christian. Someone who loved God more than life itself, who had children and who was a good father. I met this said man online about 7 months ago, and we met in person almost 3 months ago. The moment we met, I knew we connected. There was something about him that I just couldn’t get out of my head. He is handsome, tall, beautiful eyes. His children are extremely well mannered, and loved by him more than anything in life. His soul focus is providing a good home and raising his children in Christ. I am in love with him. He cares for me a great deal and he knows that I am in love with him but he has so much on his plate right now that being in a relationship is not something that he can pursue at this time. He works two jobs just to provide a good home for his children and has no time for himself let alone a relationship. I started caring for his children about 2 months ago when he needed help. He can’t afford a babysitter so I asked him to let me please come and help him. He was reluctant at first because he didn’t want to put me out, but I assured him that it wouldn’t that I would love to spend time with the kids and get to know them better. Since then, the kids love me and we spend a great deal of time together when their father is at work. I love these children and spending time with them doing things is very important to me. This man is very grateful that I am helping him. It has taken a big load off of his shoulders. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and I believe God brought us together for a reason. But if that reason is simply to be friends, then that is Gods will and I have to accept that. The second reason I am doing this is to prepare myself for whoever it is that God has designed for me, whether it be this man or someone better.
So here I am just practicing The Love Dare on this man in hopes that it will bring us closer or prepare me for my future husband. By the way, I am moving in with him this week. He needs a roommate and I need a place to live. I will helping him care for the children in addition to paying him a little bit of rent which will help him out tremendously, and will help me out as well!!
July 6th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
July 6th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Hi there, I finally saw the movie FIREPROOF today. It was so awesome. So awesome that I ran to Barnes and Noble and bought 2 Love Dare Books, one for me, and one for hubby. I have prayed for God to bless this 40 day journey I am about to embark on, and I look forward to the wonderful seeds I will be planting, and my hubby as well, I hope, and surely I am in anticipation for the HARVEST.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Well last night was the end of Day 1. I’m not married but am dating my boyfriend that I have known since highschool about 15 years now. Being with him is my dream ever since then. Now that we are together, seems like we can’t stand eachother. Him and I are very laid back people.
But since he was not totally honest with me through out our relationship, its hard for me to believe he is faithful. Yet along being honest with me at all.
Me on the other hand has a very hard time trusting. So I can’t forgive once you have done something to jeopardize my trust. But I feel like that I just can’t trust - AT ALL! So I’ll start believing that I need to give up on this relationship and not try anymore. But if I do that, I feel that I will keep going with this with any other relationship that I have.
So I decided to do the Love Dare. And the 1st Day is PATIENCE (something I DO NOT have).
Yesterday, I had my day off and my boyfriend went to work. We called eachother thru out the day. So when he got home everything was okay. Until he went to bed without saying anything to me. I wanted to say something so bad. But PATIENCE is what I had. Once, I told myself to have patience and thought of what would happen if I did say something. I would be coming to work the next day hurting and regreting what I have said or done. So a minute later he turned around, held me and then said Good Nite.
Then I said “Sooo, this is what PATIENCE feels like” …
Now for Day 2 …
Prayer: Father first Thank You for knowing my heart. I love you. Please be with me and guide me thru this 40 day journey that I CHOOSE to do. Let nothing come my way for me to give up. You are my focus and my all. Bless this relationship and let it be you. Thank you - In Jesus Name I Pray… Amen!
July 9th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Well I got the book a couple days ago. I went to my husband whom I love so much and asked him to take this journey with me for the sake of our marriage.We have come to a place in our marriage that I felt we may never recover from. It seems all do is argue, most of the time I am not even sure about what. Recently I have felt that my husband has is having an affair, which has been the root of many arugements. He has attempted to reassure me that nothing could be further from the truth but I know better. So much as changed in him, in me, in us and in my heart I feel that if we do not or/can not be honest our marriage will never last. I know my husband loves me but some how we have drifted apart.
So I attempted to start day one with my husband with no luck. When I appoarched him with the book to remind him that we were going to start our journey I got no response. I understand that I cannot change him I can only change myself so I made a comment to do this for myself and for my marriage, because that’s all I can do. If I work on me and try to be a better wife that’s all I can do the rest is up to him.
I read day one and thought to myself “this is going to be so hard” because I already wanted to say something negative to him about not wanting to do this with me. I wanted so bad to tell him off. How can you say you love me and that you want our marriage to work when you can’t/won’t even commit to a 40 day dare that I know will change our marriage for the better. It took everything in me not to let him know how I felt about his lack of regard for our marriage.
Day two was even worse. I had to yet again not say anything negative and do a gesture out of kindness. This was also going to be quite a challenge. Only because I still wanted to vent about him not doing this with me. I finally gave up on being negative and decided to do this alone for me, I that I could say that I did everything I knew to do. My act of kindness toward my husband has never been a problem. I do so very much for him with out even thinking. He says he had a rough day at work and I listen to him vent all while rubbing his feet. I’ll run him a bath whatever I can do to show him I care. For today’s dare my act of kindness was to let my husband eat. You may be thinking what is she talking about. Well I brought a couple servings of fresh fruit and some pecan cobbler from work. I love fruit of any kind and made it a point to bring enough for the both of us. I also know that my husband loves pecan pie and brought enough of the cobbler for him as well. Well after a long day I called him to find out what time he was coming home from work (he is usually off and home by six it was now almost nine at night) he stated that he was en route. I placed dinner in the microwave so that it would be ready when he pulled up (something else I always do). After dinner I asked if he wanted any cobbler of course he said yes and I gladly accepted. I shared a large portion of it with him and after he ate it he wanted more. Mind you I had not eaten any of it myself. I gladly offered to let him have the rest of the cobbler which he ate without even asking if I wanted any/had any or nothing. No big deal I’ll count that as another act of kindness for the day. Well after eating the cobbler he went into the fridge to get something to eat and saw the fruit. He asked about the fruit and I stated that I got that for the both of us to “share”. Needless to say he ate all that as well.
It is now almost ten I have not seen my husband all day because I also work. Other than the 15 or 20 minuets he sat down to eat and now he is telling me that he is going out for a little while with one of his friends who is only going to be in town one more day. YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!! Yet again I had to think please do not say anything negative. I just gave him this look of disappointment and he promised that he would not be out late. Lately his promises have meant very little because he has been breaking them left and right so I was not going to hold my breath. It was a quarter to three when he strolled in again I held my peace. Just as he got into bed and decided I was important enough to hold his cell phone rings YES AT THREE IN THE MORNING! What’s worse is he felt compelled to answer it! After a very brief one word answer conversation with some woman( I could tell because the volume on the phone was turned up and I could hear her ask where he was before he turned it down) I just turned my back to him and tried my best not to speak. GOD knows every nasty word in the book was in my mouth ready to be unleashed. I layed there thinking to myself am I crazy for even trying. Hell he didn’t even give me his WIFE an explanation to his whereabouts but felt he needed to explain to someone else male or female.
Now I’m on day three trying to stay positive cause I’m bout ready to give it up. I feel that I cannot do this alone cause I’m not in this marriage alone. I keep telling myself that at the end of the day I have to be comfromtable in knowing that I at least gave it my all. I at the end of my rope and haven’t even started yet. If this is any idea of how the next 37 days are going to go GOD HELP ME!!!!
July 14th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Day one went pretty well…it worked, I think, mainly because there weren’t any \issue\ conversations or anything like that…it was just basic, day-to-day talk - which isn’t much…hopefully, I can keep up the positive speaking, even when things get heated.
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
My husband and I are on the verge of divorce because of a major disconnect in our marriage that has lasted several YEARS. I bought The Love Dare to challenge myself to be a good wife to him. Day One was a few days ago, and went well. As Jenni said - it probably mainly went well because there weren’t any issues that could cause strife. Nonetheless, Day One was a good day.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
My husband moved out on me last month he said he felt like i sofocate him sometimes because i dont let him go out and do things he likes i always wanted him to be by my side, we got married very young ( 16 & 17) after 1 1/2 years of dating now we are 20 & 21. first he said he needed time then acouple days later he said he wanted the divorse, it has been a month since then and last time i talked to him he told me he misses me but still he has no intentions to come back. My mother-in-law made me watch he move fireproof and i want to start the challange i want to show my husband i can change for my self and my marriage, but im afraid is goint to be very hard to do all of this dares since we dont live together anymore since a month ago and we barelly even talk over the phone, not to mention last time i saw him in person was about a month ago.
July 31st, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Things in our marriage are not terrible but we I can make improvements and I think we can get closer. Day 1 went well even though I am famous for adding my sarcasm which can be perceived as negative. But I was good and I made a consious effort to keep the negative comments to myself and I think it went well. My wife does not know I am doing this so we will see how long it takes her to figure it out. This might be kind of fun although it is a bigt scary at this point. But nothing ventured nothing gained. I hope to share this journal wiht my wife someday
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Tomorrow will be my Day 1…I am hoping this works…this is the last resort for my marriage. I am going to following all 40 days and if at the end, my husband is still treating me with pure hatred and disgust, I will be filing for divorce.
It is going to be the hardest thing ever. I have 2 parents who will hate me for sending my kids father away and not eating his **** for the kids sake, but it is making me a miserable person.
I will start tomorrow because we have already argued today because I touched something in his work shop. Of course, my 1st response was that if it werent for me, he would have no workshop since we live on my parents land. My presence angers him. he has informed me repeatedly that he wishes it were just him and the 2 kids…i get that about once a month. how is that suppossed to make a person feel; a mother feel?
My only concern for doing this dare is that nothing can “make” someone love you if it isnt in them already. it has to be there before anything i do can bring it out in him.
I will probably spend several days not speaking to my husband
August 4th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Wow…looking at my marriage, I can’t say I have it as bad as some of those in the posts here, but there have certainly been some lows. My husband and I are attending a 6-session study together at our church using the Fireproof Your marriage workbook. This is our second time thru it. We saw the movie last year and thought it was very powerful. After our session this past Sunday, I snuck over to the church bookstore to get the Love Dare. My husband doesn’t know I bought book and I don’t believe he knows I’m doing the dare. He actually attended a weekend session for men only back in March of this year. He also bought the Love Dare (although, he doesn’t know I know), but it doesn’t seem he’s been using it ;-). Anyway, it let’s me know he’s interested in saving the marriage. So, I started the love dare yesterday and things went very well. Patience is a very difficult thing. You really have to think carefully before you open your mouth! At about 10 minutes to midnite, day almost over, my husband put his arm around me and said something about our *** life, in a joking sort of manner, to which I could have said NUMEROUS negative things, but instead, I kept silent. Because of the strife in our marriage, our *** life has been very dry, going weeks, ofen months with no ***, so naturally I was sensitive to his comment. When he asked me what was wrong, I explained to him how that commment made me feel, and that led to a positive discussion about our *** life, and I owe all to patience! Well, since I forgot to read day 2 this morning, I googled “Love Dare day 2″ and was very happy to have found this journal. Going forward, I will try to keep up with journaling my success here and hope the encouraging thoughts posted here will help me see I’m not alone. God bless all of you for taking on this challenge!
August 6th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
my husband and i are doing this together. today is day 1 but we won’t really talk or see eachother much, he has two jobs. i will probably be asleep tonight when he gets home and we had a conversation already today and nothing negative was said…although, he hasn’t even read the email i sent him w/the link to “day 1″ yet and the day is almost over…lets see what he will do w/”day 2″…”day 1″ was just too easy for us.
August 7th, 2009 at 10:05 am
I have tried the love dare before but I didn’t finish it because….well because I didn’t feel like I was the one who needed to change. I found out that my husband was given the dare by his dad and he didn’t do it.
Things have been going downhill for a while, you know I’d blow up at him we’d argue but we’d usually make up. I must have really messed up this time. He won’t kiss me anymore or let me sit by him. He doesn’t even look at me the same. Before their used to be warmth in his eyes when he looked at me, but now it’s like he sees right through me.
After a long night of talking he told me that he didn’t know if he loved me anymore and he was ready to get divorced. I love him I really do so I decided to try this again and put my heart into to change myself. I guess I can’t change his mind if he still wants to leave, but maybe if I change myself he’ll see that I want to make it work. I need to stop yelling at him, so I guess the first dare is the best place to start. If you read this could you please pray for me that I will get it right this time and stop putting the blame on him.
August 13th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Ok, honestly I start this dare today thinking I wish my husband was the one doing this for me. I know he loves me in a caring way.. but not in a romantic way… and I really need him to.
Why, I ask myself, am I doing this and not him.. he needs to learn to love me right?
I don’t know… our marriage is wonderful in every area except romance.. it’s so dead there - what kind of future is there for that, I know we are setting up for disaster if we don’t do something to protect our marriage so.. I’m desperate to change the way things are right now… and I’m open to the idea it is just I don’t know how to communicate my love for him effectively… we’ll see how this goes.
Day 1 isn’t that bad as I rarely say anything negative to him… oh wait, I might with my actions.. hmmm I’ll work on that today.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
I have been married for 10 years, our marriage started out rough in that we lost our first son 7 months into the pregnancy, since we have been blessed with a beautiful girl and an incredible son and survived this heartbreak. My husband and I have had a wonderful marriage until the past couple of years, we worked together and I changed employment and unfortunately another woman came into the picture. She was a “friend” of mine and although others would question their friendship I never thought it possible, not from my husband. I was dead wrong, we have been working on repairing our marriage and reecently he had told me about his doubts of God, that is when I decided that I needed to do whatever it took to make things right and to show him my unconditional love so he may feel the love and grace of God’s unconditional love if his heart was open to receive it. I am hoping with this book that both of our lives are enriched !!
Today was fairly simple for me…. my husband and I never truly argue or fight, in 10 years of marriage we have truly had one huge argument and normally when one of us is upset we simple walk away or dont say anything at all. Is it possible that holding your tongues can ruin a marriage ? That would be my thoughts in my circumstances, we dont communicate enough when things are wrong, whether it be because of hurting feelings or not knowing how to express it right, we both keep it to ourselves. My only dare for myself today is to be more open and to ask the same of him, communicate more with me when things are bothering you and give me a chance to react to it.
I have faith that this will be what I need to get me through all that life has handed to me and to truly forgive and move on with my family and husband they way God intended …..
August 20th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
I’m really looking for some encouragement. My wife and I have been together for 8 years next month (married for almost 6). I found out about 3 weeks ago that she’s been seeing another guy for the past 3 or 4 months. After I confronted her, she left and has been staying with her brother and this other guy. I’ve been praying night and day for God to give me grace and peace and to show me what to do for her. We’ve talked and she has told me that she doesn’t love me anymore, wants to start a life with this other guy, and doesn’t want to repent right now because she knows that would mean giving up this adulterous relationship. She says she plans on getting right with God some day but right now wants a divorce so she can go be with this other guy.
I got a copy of ‘The Love Dare’ today but am a little discouraged because I’m not sure how to do alot of these things with her not living with me anymore. If anyone else has been in a similar circumstance, I would greatly appreciate any advice or encouragement you have to offer.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:57 am
~~LOVE IS PATIENT~~
Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
(James 1:19b)
Its funny I went to the bible looking in the scripture for more on what God has to say about PATIENTS and amazingly it took me right to the book of Psalms. WOW!! was my first thought when I read the following-
I waited on the Lord, and He turned to me and heard my cry for help!
(Psalms 40:1)
How many times did I in the marriage have I cried to be honest to many to count. I would cry on my friends shoulder expecting them to have all the answers, but like always they didnt. It was brought to my attention just now that God wants me to cry out to Him. God himself wants to heal my pain and give me love that I lack in my life all I have to do is ask in response this is what God will do-
He brought me up from a desolate pit, out of the muddy clay, and set my feet on a rock making my steps secure.
(Psalms 40:2)
This verse tells me that where I lint in patients and I become angry that I need to cry out to God my foundation for Him to carry me when I am weak and place me back on the rock of my Salvation where I will find my strength to demostrate love through patients.
August 31st, 2009 at 2:32 am
I started this Love Dare because I’ve made a big mistake that I believe will cost my relationship. My fiance and I have a history. We had a child together when I was 20. Well, not really together…he wasn’t in the picture. Didn’t believe it was his. Now, 21 years later, he knows and loves his son and through their reunion he and I became reacquainted. It’s like dating someone new, but we already have a child in common.
Today was easy. We are broken apart and he asked me to send his fathers picture (the only one) back to him. I had told him I would send it priority mail, he said don’t do that when I’ll be out there in a few days. Give it to one of the kids. Very civil. Very cold. I said ok.
I’m praying hard…and not eating much.
August 31st, 2009 at 11:59 am
My husband and I have been through a lot in our marriage. I wont even begin to explain it all. Honestly I feel it is only God that has kept us together. Currently we are doing ok, but really ok isnt good enough for me. I want to feel loved, I want to feel respected, appreciated and so much more. The church we have been visiting is starting a fireproof your marriage class (for couples only), I have asked him several times if he would like to go. The only answer I get is “I dont know.” Classes will start next week and if we dont go I will be ordering and starting the love dare. I am tired of hurting and feeling alone.
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
OK, today is my 1st day of the love dare journey. I decided to do this without my husband. My husband and I are Christians and we’re working on mending our marriage. He said he is not completely in love with me, but there is still a little love left in him for me and the same on my end. I used to have a bad temper and would snap at anyone even my husband for not being there to count on. I’ve had years of frustrations with my husband’s lack of measuring up to his potential as a leader and therefore I would say mean things which I didn’t mean. Today’s dare is true about biting the tongue because I regret everything I said in the past that hurt him; it doesn’t matter that I didn’t mean it, the fact is that he is hurt by it. He did something worse that truly pushed me to divorce him, but I decided to go to the Lord to help me keep my husband in the marriage because of my children. And thank goodness I did. I will never regret that decision which was made with the Lord and the children in mind. I found out that I can truly be happy when I make up my mind to be. Forgiveness is truly a virtue. I have truly found out who I am while going through the ordeal. Nonetheless, he left me after my snooping around his stuff because of my suspicion that he was being unfaithful and looking at porn. This he said never happened. Although I told him I would never do it again, I still had the urge to do it. He said he’d serve me papers for separation and divorce and if I don’t agree I can contest it in court. To make the long story short, we’re at the point of mending and working on ourselves first. He sleeps separately at night, but he is at home nonetheless. He said he wanted the marriage to work, but there are no guarantees. I said to him that with God nothing is impossible and he got mad at me saying that because he felt like I was pressuring him to be together already when he needed time to heal and remove luggages he has. I also asked if we could do small things for each other to nourish our love, but he didn’t like that either, so I backed off to give him space.
Then I decided to start the love dare. Usually, I love for him to text or call me, but i nstead I texted him to say hi and wish him a good day. I expected a text from him in that kind of tone, but he text back and said, in a long mtg, but fascinating info…all about technology. I got iritated, but I told myself to think positively about him and I did. I told myself patient is love. My husband is worth more than my iritation. What a miracle! The iritation left and I felt happy. I truly felt that I LEAD MY HEART TO LOVE INSTEAD OF MY HEART LEADING ME TO ANGER. what a beautiful thing. I felt instant peace and joy. Later on he called me twice wanting my help with a software problem and I was so glad to help him. I could see a smile on his face and he sounded happy. He called me again today to tell me that he was leaving work and where he was heading. I told him to drive safely and I could see hear that he was so pleased that I care. What a gift love is. Where was the love dare 11years ago when I needed it, but I know that it is never too late. I’m glad I’m doing this because so many times I wanted to end all my feelings for my husband, but I love the Lord and the commitment I made to my husband infront of the Lord. I also think about the happiness of my children to work on saving our marriage. I want to be the better wife and person that my husband has ever known and I hope to measure up to what God sees I can do. Truthfully, I beleive God kept us together all these years, but we need to get out of ourselves to save and mend things now.
I look forward to Day 2 Dare. Bring it on……
September 4th, 2009 at 3:59 am
I received The Love Dare as a birthday gift and started the first dare on 1 Sept.
I must adnit I’m a bit apprehensive about embarking on this journey; but I am determined to complete it!
I know that with the Lord’s help I can accomplish anything!
I did feel anger towards my husband today, which is the norm… But I managed to stay focused and calm. Eventhough I felt like saying something, I held my tongue. and I am glad I did.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I will begin the love dare today. My wife moved out of our home 2 weeks ago yesterday. We separated once before in November 2007. She returned June 1st 2008. That separation was from feeling used, manipulated and being lied to over and over. I basically asked her to leave. An almost immediately realized I made a mistake.
I did see an attorney and have papers prepared, and she signed them. I could not bring myself to turn them in. Upon her return, having not resolved my anger and hurt issues, the feelings returned.
My attitude and harsh words from not taking anyone’s stuff any more caused emotional harm to her and her 2 sons, (older now 23 & 20). We almost divorced in September 2008. I was trying to resolve my issues myself. I obviously did a poor job of it. Emphasized by learning some of the things she had done behind my back were repeated but to a lesser extent. I went and had the papers revised, but when they came in the mail I could not touch them. Unfortunately she saw it that I left them there to make her suffer, (really I could not touch them). When she brought it up I hid them still unsure of our future, but with hopes they never would need to be brought back out. When she moved out I dug them out and cut them up into tiny pieces. In our conversation last Monday evening in anger she said i could turn them in and i told her they were shredded and I was not getting a divorce that I am committed to making this work and I will work every day for the resto of my life to do so.
Still I was dealing with it on my own, and not well. I did feel my anger and hurt was going away little by little. In the middle of August she bagan acting strange and I asked if she was okay. She said yes. Two days later I could still tell something was wrong so I asked again. She hit me with, you have made life miserable and I am not in love with you any more. I still love you , but I am moving out at the end of the month. I was shocked and even devastated.
So 2 weeks ago she moved out. I do love her deeply. I am a sincere, caring and loving person, but I have not handled things in this house well when trying things would happen.
I have tried communicating with her. About 5-6 days after we separated she said she needed to breathe and did not want me contacting her. 3 days later she did call to talk about some things I sent her, one the life coach had me put together, and two a letter telling her my feelings for her and this family and that I wanted life together and other details. I started counseling, I also have a life coach. She is spiritual, and at one time was very involved in her church after her 2nd son was born and she almost lost him. When they divorced she left the church because of the way they treated her during this time, (He was physically violent to her other son). I believed in god, but didn’t practice or even understand him. (Today I accepted him into my life, not to say I have, but because I truly want him in my life to help guide and teach me.)
Last Thursday we had lunch, she hugged and kissed me hello and good bye. She still wants to breathe. I told her I understood that, but I feel that if I do let her breath she will not see the changes in me since we are not living together. She will think I do not care since I am not there to show her.It is also easy for her to just forget about me by just living life without there being an us. If I do contact her then I am not allowing her to breathe and pushing her away. So either way I loose. (She has also said she would not care if I told her I was seeing someone, and if something came along she would consider it. I told her I have no interest in seeing anyone now or the future. I love her and I only want to be with her for the rest of my life. If she sees someone I will still be here trying and working for us to be together again. As we parted I asked if I could call her in 2-3 days and she said yes. I had earlier asked if we could go to dinner or lunch again and she said we’ll see.
My life coach does not want me to do the love dare because she has asked for space or to breathe. That this will offend her because it requires contact. Reading this, what is your opinion?
I know this is going to be difficult being separated and her wanting to breathe, but I will give it my all because she is worth it!
It has been since Thursday since we had that lunch, so today in Dare 1 when I call her later. Wish me luck!
September 19th, 2009 at 11:51 am
9-19-09
I bought the love dare about 6 months back with the intent to start it but I was scared. My husband and I have only been married for a year now and I feel as if our marriage is falling apart at the seams. It seems as though everything we used to be has disappeared and now we are just two people living in the same house. I know that neither of us is perfect and we both make mistakes but I can’t help but think that a lot of this is my fault. Ever since I could remember I have had a temper and a quick tongue to go with it. When I am provoked I say truly cruel things. Sometimes it is done with the intent to hurt but usually it is just my way of getting things off my chest. Things I have been thinking about for a while and I am finally getting the chance to stay. It never turns out the way I want it too. My words really hurt everyone around me and I know in my heart that the things I say are destroying my marriage. I’m the one who needs to change the most. Like anyone there are things that bother me about my husband but he truly is a prince of a guy. He does so much for us and he is always planning ways to make things better or easier for us. I never give him the benefit of the doubt though. I second-guess his every move and I know that this is not what a supportive wife is supposed to be like. Even if I don’t agree with his decisions I should give him all my love and support everyday because he deserves that and I know in my heart that he would never do anything to intentionally cause us harm.
I also feel like I let myself get so caught up in the everyday and that the mundane tasks are taking over like weeds in a garden. They never seem to end and they are choking the life out of me. To me it feels like anything that my husband is not willing to do just adds to my responsibilities and I get more and more angry, and sadly I feel justified in my anger. I become so frustrated with the day to day and I don’t even take the time to step back and look at everything we do have. We have a beautiful home, good paying jobs and each other. These things should make me feel happy everyday but for some reason I let everything else cloud these beautiful things in my life.
I know this love dare will be a hard thing for me to do personally but I am determined to see it through. I am unhappy with the person I am right now and the only one who can do something about that is I. I refuse to let these awful personality traits I have developed rule my life and destroy everything I have ever wanted and all the wonderful things I already have. So today I am starting Dare 1. I am really looking forward to the changes I am going to make in myself. It still scares me to uncover all of these things about myself but I feel confident that the changes will be for the better. This will be a lifestyle change for me and I plan to live the rest of my life as a strong woman with patience and understanding.
Pray for me in this journey…I know I am going to need it
September 20th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I saw the movie and I want to try the love dare so I’m in, here goes. I hope and pray that God strengthens our marriage in love and grace etc… be blessed. I hope my hubby responds in a good way and that our marriage grows healthy.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Day 1. Well seemed easy enough..lol. Seen my hubby for the first time during day one at my eldest sons football game. While watching them game I realized and stated that I should have made arrangements for our middle son to get a ride with his friend to hockey…my husband remarked you should have thought about that before you signed him up. Right away I responded very flippedly well yes I should have. Realizing that I just responded in a negative way, I thought do I get a do over. Well there are no do overs in life so I guess not.
September 24th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
My husband and I have been separated since July. I bought a book for each of us. I left his at his house on his door step last night. I hope he will start the dare with me. I don’t think he knows it was from me. We have been married for 16 years and I have had good days and bad days since our separation. There are days I miss him so bad. We have a hard time talking with out fighting. I hope this will help us.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I just returned from Iraq in July on Emergency Leave due to my older sisters death, no the kind of homecoming I wanted. Then started to have problems at home in our marriage. she says she has been unhappy for years and my being deployed I guess made it easy for her to see she can live without me. I made a lot of money being deployed and put over 12,000 in the bank from my deployment which she now has and she puts money on the ATM card for me to live on, she says she will need the money to start over. She moved out for awhile, but I decided to let her stay in the house and I moved to my sisters so she and the kids could be in the house with their own rooms and not have the stress of living with a neighbor like she was. She says she hasn’t decided if she wants a divorce yet so i’m trying to not pressure her. it’s hard to do the love dare and talk if i’m not in the house, but i’m now committed to doing this to save the woman and family i love, but i just wasn’t telling her how much she meant to me. I guess i’m the typical guy that told everyone how lucky i was to have her and how good she is, but i didnt tell the most important person, HER. I just assumed like any other guy that she knew i love her. she is a paid firefighter and works 24 hours on then 48 hours off as 48 hours off, I work for the U.S. Marine Corps and am a volunteer Fire Chief in the community we live in, and Amy is my asst Chief there. I’ve been doing the things i’ve read in the love dare before i even got the book, and it’s hard when she doesn’t even say anything when i do them, but i’m not willing to give up on my marriage or our kids yet. She says she is afraid not of me hurting her, but she is afraid of me doing something to myself, especially in front of the kids. I can understand how she feels since my twin brother committed suicide over a failed marriage. I admit i said i’d didn’t want to live if i lost her and the kids, but i realize that was me saying those things to try to scare her in to coming back to me. I was desparate after trying the cards and flowers and helping out more than usual wasn,t working i figured scaring her might get her to come back, i’ve since learned that was the worst thing i could have done. Now i go to the house when she is at work for 24 hours and the babysitter is there and i leave flowers a card or do the laundry and dishes just to be nice. i’m more involved with the kids especially the cub scouts with lil man and playing prince and princess with molly. It’s hard on me now and just like in the movie i get the feeling what i’m doing is not working but i have to realize these problems didn’t just happen overnight and aren’t going to fix themselves overnight either. So i’m not giving up. I’m in this for the long haul. I bought the book for myself and a copy for Amy and put it under her pillow. she called to say she isn’t ready to read it right now, So I said i can understand your not willing right now i just bought it for you as a gift. she didn’t say she wasn’t going to read it just she wasn’t ready right now. I’m praying now for us to be a happy family again.
September 28th, 2009 at 7:28 am
A little background:
My husband and I have been together for 16 years; married for 8 of those years and have 3 children. After years of what I deemed as him just being an unfaithful man; he just told me yesterday that he has an issue with looking at inappropriate things (and sometimes acting them out) and that he feels like he doesn’t want to be with anybody. I believe that divorce for US (regardless of the affair(s)) is not an option and not what God has for us. He is a military man and I know that this can cause some stress at times and he says that I don’t give him enough respect at home with decisions regarding the kids and our family life. This is true, when I think about it, but I figured I was helping keep the stress off of him regarding the family, because he has so much stress at work. Apparently, I’ve been VERY wrong about my theory.
Day 1
My first day of the Love dare, started early this morning but I held my peace, answered the questions asked of me and moved on with my day. It is not only my desire to have my marriage be healed and made whole and holy again; but that God does such a supernatural thing in our lives individually and collectively that nothing and nobody will EVER be able to bring us back to this point again and we will SOON be able to walk in our calling as a family ordained by God.
September 28th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Today was my first day trying out the love dare. I must say it was quite challenging for me to not say anything negative at all. There were several times I caught myself getting ready to say something and had to just turn around and walk away. This is going to be hard. I feel like I am prewired to be negative or something… I just have to be confident that God will help.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
October 8th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
well what do you do if you never see them?? or if you do you don’t really talk, so it’s kind of hard to be negative, how do you get a response negative, or positive? I want to make this work but we rarely see or talk so i’m not sure that I’m going about this the right way… but again it says love is patient….
October 9th, 2009 at 7:43 am
This was easy, I typically don’t have much hate in my heart for him, nor do I feel the need to say negative things to him. There was this one incident where we always fight when we talk about it, Robert (my daughter’s biological father)… he said something negative, which normally provokes a fight, I had nothing nice to say…. So I just didn’t say anything at all. And it worked! We were fine the rest of the day!
October 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
[...] Day 1: Love is patient [...]
November 6th, 2009 at 12:29 am
I started this back in May. I went through a few days, then ground to a halt when it came time to actually do something that involved talking to my wife. Now it’s November, we’re worse off than before, and I’m thinking it may be time to go at it again. Right now, it seems like she is planning on divorce before the end of the year. Her heart is very hard toward me and I don’t think she’s interested in letting anything thaw it out. I can’t believe we’ve gotten to this point.
Back in May, Day 1 was easy. I am a conflict-avoider and so is she. Now that it’s November, we’re just spouse-avoiders. We don’t talk more than is necessary to coordinate our schedules. If we try to make decisions together or resolve a long-standing dispute, we very quickly move to anger. To shy away from saying anything angry sounds like it will be easy: just stay clear of each other. But I don’t think that’s going to help. Or, I could just back down in my convictions: but that’s part of the reason that we are where we are. What a tangled and confusing mess this is!