afreshstart

Things are still going ok for me. It’s been about a week since I finished the love dare book. Last weekend was my daughters 13th birthday. Hard to believe I got a teenager now in my house. My husband is still on nights at work and he goes back to days next week. It’s been nice having him home during the day but he mostly sleeps. So looking forward to him being home in the evening instead of sleeping all the time he is around the house.  I’m not looking forward to Christmas this year as I’m still not able to work till I get a work permit from immigration and that won’t be till February sometime. So we just get by paying the bills. I know the kids will be disappointed but hopefully I can make it up to all of them after I get a job. Next Thursday is my first Thanks Giving in states. should be  a nice time with my husbands family. I have days where I miss my home land and my family but most of the time I’m ok. I have been taking the kids to Circle of parents every Monday night and I made a few friends so it’s not to lonely now. My marriage is still good. I think my husband is an amazing guy and I feel so blessed to have him.

I can’t believe I did it. It’s very hard to commit to something and stick to it. These last 40 days have been a great experience for me. I love journaling l on here and reading others journals. I see a change in myself and I appreciate my husband even more now then when I started. I plan to look back threw the book and redo some of my dares that I found really challenging , or I felt like I failed in to try and have a better success in them. The book maybe done for me but I plan on still challenging myself. I kind of feel sad that there’s no chapter to read every day and a dare awaiting me to do. I hope when I buy the book again this time for my husband that he opens it up and commits to this as I have. I wish everyone the best threw your journeys and God bless you all.

Today I’m to write a letter to my husband and place in a place he would most likey see it and read it. Well I kinda of did it the other day. I wrote him a letter as I had just watched the movie message in a bottle. I was touched by the movie and wanted to write my husband a letter telling him how much he means to me and the unconditional love I share for him. I placed the letter in a glass bottle he has on top of the dresser in the bedroom hoping he would find it and read it as he keeps his change in there and I thought he would go for some coins and find it. He still hasnt found the letter yet. Once he finds and reads it i’ll have to come back and let you know what happen.

I’m not really sure of what my husband would want or desire other then 2 things. He would like to have a boat one day so he could go fishing on the lake instead of fishing on the shore. He would also like me to go hunting with him. To get my safety test done and get a lience and be with him out there. Maybe i can do taht next year for deer season. But the boat will have to wait. As for any more of the things he wnats or wishes in his life I’ll just have to listen more carefully and see if I could make some of them happen for him.

Today I had to ask my husband to begin praying with me and to pick a time of day we could do it as a couple. When I read the first line of the dare I was like (yeah right) no way would he agree to do this with me. He says that he would feel silly and stupid doing it. So I suggest that I pray while he is there and he could just listen while I did it. He said he would but also said he may laugh at me later. So he is not taking it seriously. But it’s my dare and it also says if your spouse refuses to do it then to do the dare alone. I’m gonna do it in front of him no matter what his reaction is. once he gets use to it then maybe he will be more willing to do it with me once he gets over this silly feeling he has at the moment. I was scared to share this dare with him and ask him. When I read the dare to him he goes there u did your dare u asked and no is the answer.  I’m gonna put my faith in God and mircles happen by trusting and believing in God doing his work in us.

Today My dare is to start reading the bible everyday. This well be a challenge. It’s really hard to push yourself to do something when your doing it alone. Just like someone wanted to start to get fit and go to the gym, motivation. Things are a lot easier when you have a partner to share the experience with you and push you along as you would do the same for them and do it as a team then you feel like you have accomplished something. Where as doing it alone you lose the drive and will to stick to it. Where do I struggle the most and feel like I’m gonna fail? To be honest in this walk alone without my husbands support. What I’d be asking God the most to show me threw his word is for guidance for the word to speak to my heart and lead me. Help me be a more caring supportive wife and mother. To take away my negative thoughts about everything around me. My mother keeps reminding me that I got myself into this kind of life. I choose a husband that was a hunter and fisherman.  That is a big adjustment I never grew up with a father or brother or anyone around that did that. Now I’m in a family full of them.  My oldest son is excited about the whole thing and is just ready to leap out there and join his step dad in the hunt. Guns make me nervous. My husband says that they will teach my kids to respect guns and that until they feel they are ready , then they will take them to gun safety and maybe in a year or two then they can join them out there. My husband is eager for me to do it too. He is determine to have me out in the brush shooting at living things with him. I know he don’t go out there for the sport or the thrill of the kill. He does it to get food and feed the family. I just got to adape to the whole thing.  I need to have more faith that God will be there to walk me threw it. I worry that I maynot understand what he is saying but I do have my sister-in-law to talk to if I need more understanding. I also guess if I can make it threw 40 days reading and journaling in this book. Then I should be able to have the will power to read the bible everyday too. I’ll just have to pray lots and have others pray for me too. Maybe one day my husband will change in his heart and want to do it with me. or even go the church that be a start.

Today I went and asked my Sister-in-law to be a mentor for me. She is very strong in her christain faith and someone I’d be honored to have to look up to. She has a very strong marriage and both her and her husband are very involved in the church. When I asked her she said she would do this for me but she asked me promission if she could share with another friend she trusts if she dont have the right answers for me and then share with me what advice she got from her friend. I said that was fine with me. I told her it would mean alot to me as I think she is a very wise woman. I want to learn lots from her. she has always been an ear for me in the past. I think sometimes it must be hard to hear someone talking about your own brother . Most times I talk good stuff about him but there are times where I go to her and vent. But she always listens never judges or looks down on me for my feelings for things I share with her. I thank God for bringing her into my life. My sister-in-law is an amazing lady and she reminds me alot of my grandma who passed away a few years back. My grandma was a very Godly lady too and always spoke wise words from God.

My husband went to pick up his daughter tonight for the weekend . She lives an hour away from us. when my husband came home he had brought me a dozen red roses. When he gave them to me she said he bought them beause I work so hard and he appreciates me. He has shared with me that he prays to God. that ment alot to me to hear that.  My husband dosen’t talk about God alot but when I shre with him first he is always open to talk and share with me then. So for him to tell me out of the blue that he has been praying that was a big leap for him. I thank God that I have a wonderful caring husband.

Today I’m to share with my husband and get his thoughts on the subject to and decide as a couple on what to do. Well we kind of did that last night when he came home from work without me reading the dare today. Now that I know my dare i’m gonna use lastnight as an example of an agreement we came on together as a couple.  Today is meet with the teachers at school for term one in school. My son did a few tests last week and his teacher circled his low percent and wrote comments that i feel is negitive to a child. Like “Ouch” or ” Yikes” to me I think those comments or any kind negitive is un called for. My son is in 4th grade, 9yrs old and is ADHD so his teacher already knows he will not be doing work at his grade level. and also my son has some low self esteem and thats not gonna help rasie it up. My husband agreed with me that those comments are uncalled for. We are to praise and encourage people to strive to do better not put them down when they don’t do something as good as we would like them to do. My husband has to work today so he will not be there to meet with the teacher. But I know I have his support and if the teacher gives me a hard time I’ll get my husband to call or meet and deal with it for me.

Last night was pretty much how I planed it with the kids being home and not going out. After they went to bed though , I never did get a chance to change. It was like my husband read my mind and already knew what I wanted. When I went to our bed room he was already there waiting for me. He pulled me close and the rest is history.