Figuring it out day by day

Today’s dare is , “Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues”. This dare is easy to do, but yet at the same time what do you do when you already guard their secrets. Me and O pretty much guard one anothers secrets as it is. He recently told me one thing that he would like to do, in regards to a change in job. I almost let it slip to someone that he works with, because I really didnt think of it until now.

I know that being a couple is part of holding secrets and things for one another unless they are horrible and harmful. I understand that. But now that I thought of it, I am going to make sure I truly do it 100%. I will start to think before responding. I am going to start and take his advice of ” not everyone that you trust you should” based off things that have happened at work in recent events. So I will now start to make sure that I do what me and him discussed. I am in love with him, so I need this to work. Help me… any advice??

So I have not been able to post for a while due to my computer magically broke after I updated a post. I don’t know if that is the devil stepping in an trying to disourage me from what my heart truly wants. What is so weird is that I think his plot to make my computer not work, also made me stop on my dares for the past week due to a lot of things going on and the fact that my computer has been broken. I fell off track and now am going to fix it and move forward. This is all the hope I have adn I am putting my realtionship with O into Gods hands and begging for help on it. With that being said any advice so that I dont fall off track again?  Now to start my dare, this is that last one that i did before I feel off track:

Today’s dare is” Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage” This dare was easy for me because I prayed fro O’s heart to be healed from the pain and the anger that I have caused him. I prayed for forgiveness and for him to open to making us work. I feel that he wants to be friends for now, but I cant allow myself to be friends because I love him to much.   I truly hope that we fall back on track towards moving to something not away from  each other. I love him. Any advice??

I got side tracked yesterday and had to wait to post yesterday dare today, so here it is:

Todays dare is”Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her”, this dare was not that easy since me and O do not live together. Although lately we have been talking more and communicating more often, I decided to figure out a way to make sure that he knew that ‘I cherish him’. He called me earlier in the day and told me how his car was going to the dealership to get maintenance. Well we found out later on in the day that the car had some engine issues and that although it is drivable he will eventually have to get a new engine. So out of the ordinary for me I offered to drive him anywhere he needed to go. I put him first , adn his needs first. Although he totally declined, because he actually has a back up car from his brother, he really understood that I truly do cherish him. It made me feel good to know that.

Even though things seem to be getting better with him and I, I am going to continue the dare and hope that it will help me and him grow closer and closer to one another. For the first time he was so excited to give me a cool Valentines card, since we have a bet going about whos is better. I am looking forward to it, adn to see the thought that he is putting in this card for me. Can’t wait for my next dare…. Wish me luck!

Todays dare was,”Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.”. This dare was kind of hard again being as that me and O do not live together. But even though we do not live together and  both were busy with work today we managed to find sometime to put aside to just be together. He is coming over when he gets off work, and in return I am giving up going to sleep early since I wake up early every morning. But we are going to spend some time together and just be together and connect. It makes me happy. I cant wait. Some of these dares I am finding to be quite hard at times just because of the fact that me and O do not live together. But I will do whatever it takes to make this work. I love him so much and I need the Lord on my side to help me make it through this rough time me and him are having.

The one good thing I can say is that we manage to make some time together. Not only that we are both making efforts to talk more and everything. I just need the strength to move forward and make this proces work for us. I love him.

So todays dare was to ” Talk to your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement”. Can I just say I didnt really think O was gonna be into the whole idea of making rules, but he totally surprised me. He wanted to make rules and was happy that me and him set some rules. Although we both promised to tried with these rules we both cannot make any guarentees. Mainly because the both of us often say things we know will hurt the other one when we are super mad, and sometimes it gets out of hand. We have gone to bed angry a few times thats for sure.

Our rules that we set up were:

1. No low blows at one another- No bringing up the past

2. No more going to bed angry

3. Listen first to the other- then speak, no interruptions, and a promise to listen openly

4. No more assuming things and making assumptions in heads

5. ALways be honest with one another even if it will make the other person mad.

To be honest the last one is mainly for me, but I figure if I write it down and type it out loud, I will try alot harder to abide by it. I am happy that we made these rules, it gives me confidence into our relationship . I hope that we will not fight in the future, but if we do I feel good about it, because at least it is healthy fighting with progress. I still need strength to move forward with teh dares, I need to pray for his forgiveness and I hope that he realy will forgive me eventually, because I LOVE HIM, and I need him ALOT. To be honest my life is not complete without him.

I cant wait for tomorrow, we will see what it brings.

Todays dare was “Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.” This dare was hard because lately me an O have not been fighting we have actually been getting along well. So what did I do I gave into the devil sending me negative thoughts and of course started a fight. I tried to push him into this relationship faster than taking it day by day. And wow is all I can say. This whole day I have been letting the devil fester in me and cause this bad fight that me and him end up having for what? To take all the work I have been doing and turn it back to the begining.

I tried to stop the fight and tell him “He is right, and that his preference is first”, and it was too late. We were already to into the fight for him to stop. How did it end” Him telling me have a good night making things up in my head” and me telling him ” have a good night, good week, good month, good life. It was up to him if we talked”. Why did I do that? I let the devil do his work and ruin my good stuff. He festered and made my heart not into this dare. So now I am going to move forward with the next dare, and try to make it up to him. I can’t take back what I said. All I can do is ask for him to forgive me.  Thankfully I am realizing he wants this to work as bad as I do, becasue he did forgive me. Thankfully.

I need some encouragment to stay positive. I love him so much and I want this to work. I know he says a day at a tim. And I will give him his time, but its so hard not to think negative. I love him. Lord help me. Help me stay strong and help me keep embracing the change. Help me Lord.

Today’s dare was “What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it”.

This dare was a little hard because since me and O don’t live in the same house and both of us were super busy as well, it was hard. But I managed to get him a few things that he needed for we he  is at my house. He loves loves loves Twix and Vitamin Water. So I bought him these things to show him I cherish him and the time that we spend together when he comes over. I truly do appreciate him alot and it feels good to let him know that. These little things that we do through the dares are little but they are little things that show you care. They are things that I always took for granted and am happy that I get to do them.

I can’t wait until tomorrows dare.

Todays dare “Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.” So today I woke up and was already excited to do this dare. After yesterday everything seems to maybe be looking up some what. That makes me super super happy. So I went to his work before I knew he would be there and left him a King Twix and RedBull with a cute card that just showed him ” I was thinking of him and wanted his day to start of well, and energized”, since I know he really didnt sleep that good last night because I had talked to him this morning. I dropped it off and didnt mention that I was doing it or leaving him anything. He then later called me and was soooo HAPPY. He said “Thank you so much for everything, I really appreciate it. I was surprised. Thank you”. That made me feel really good because he actually was happy that I did something nice for him.

He knows that I am trying and although he is not as responsive as I wish, he is slowly showing more openess to me. He actually ended up coming over later on in the afternoon, where I greeted him with a good greeting again, since yesterday I decided to change how I greeted him. We sat and talked for like 2 hours about anything and everything. Although we didnt really get into much on the topic of us, it was still really nice to sit here and talk to him. I miss talking to him like that. When he left he gave me a really big hug for a while and I told him ” I was happy he came over” and he said ” Me too. I am really happy”. That took me back. I really feel hope in my heart and I know through perserverance and through praying to the Lord we will make it thru. I feel it. And I can’t wait to see tomorrows dare.

Todays dare was “Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.”. Can I say once again I LOVED THIS DARE. Lately although me and O have been communicating alot more, we still are not back to usual or by any means on the right track to what we were. But I can honestly say that lately through this journey I have become a overall happier person. I look forward to talking to him, I look forward to doing these dares and being enlightened with a message that the Lord gave me. I love the fact that todays dare was so simple but yet it was powerful.
I think he was a bit taken back by the greeting, event though it was so simple. It was just anwsering my door with a huge smile and giving him a hug and telling him thank you for coming over. I was happy when he agreed to stop by for a few minutes on his way to work, and all day I have been looking forward to seeing him. I fall more and more in love with him daily.  I am so happy that I saw him. It was great to just see his face. The fact that I am falling more and more in love with him , makes me feel that the unconditional love is coming thtough and the negative thoughts and bad ideas are now disinagrating and disappearing. I am happy about this journey and the change that I am going through. I cant wait til tomorrow for the next dare.

So todays dare, I LOVED!!! The dare was “Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes:. This dare was great it actually set the tone for the entire day to be great. I loved burning the the list. It made me happy to get rid of the negative things on the lsit. As I burned it I also prayed to the Lord that while this list was burning that the things on the list would disappear or not come into the mind as often as they used to before. It was alsmost like a realease of negativity with this list.

When I told him the attribute that I loved about him, he was extremly appreciative about it. He was happy that I acknowledge a rescent success that he has accomplished recently. I love the fact that he liked it, it made him feel good and that in return made me realize that I usually under appreciate him alot. I think that I am going to start to incorporate telling him I am thankful for him or proud of him into our relationship. I cant wait for tomorrows dare.. I cant wait to greet him happily!