Devoted to Salvaging my Marriage

I haven’t been around here lately…. taken a bit of a break and let Jesus take the wheel on this one. The road has been rough…..but I am trying to learn to trust R again.

I started back to work yesterday, which did not go well. I can’t stand my job, no, I can’t stand my boss. I hate being treated like I am incompetent of doing my job when I have more training and education than my boss does. She hasn’t done anything correctly for the program since I have been gone. She is going to have a very rude awakening now that I am back.

On the home front, things are going better. I haven’t picked the Love Dare back up, and rather have just been doing things my own way, and it really hasn’t backfired on me yet. I am still not at the point where I can forgive R for what he did, but I feel that I am closer.

To those of you that have been here for me, thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement. I have been horrible at checking my emails, but I know that you are there for me, and I thank you for it. I want you to know that things are going better, and I think the bumps in the road are getting smoother.

Peace be with you all,

~Jenn Dares

Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to  help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been kepin you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart “I choose to forgive”

What did you forgive your spouse for today? How long have you been carrying the weight of it? What are the possibilities now that you’ve released this matter to God?

Ok…. this is NOT easy, that is why it has taken me 3 days. I still don’t feel that I can forgive R for cheating on me. How is one to forgive an action that hurt so bad? He hasn’t even asked for forgiveness, let alone said he was sorry. When this happened to me, I had to beg for forgiveness, repeatedly tell him I was sorry, and beg for him to love me again. Why is he not doing the same thing? This really sucks. I don’t know how to forgive when the wound is still fresh. I think I might need more time on this one.

~Jenn Dares

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in persuing forbidde pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to lve in a bck bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed–today–and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

What did you identify as an area of lust? What has this pursuit cost you over time? How has it led you away from the peson you want to be? Write about your new committment to seek Him–and to seek your spoue–rather than seeking after foolish desires.

I don’t feel like  have an aread of lust. That part of me was thrown out 5 yeas ago when I had a “just turned 30 crisis”. It feels good to be awy from the internet more at night and my meds working te right way. The only thing I lust is my hubby and I don’t think I should throw him away!

~Jenn Dares

Remove anything that is hindering your relationhip, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

What did you throw out first? Are there others that need to go as well? What do you hope the removal of these things will do for your, your marriage, and your relationship with God?

Another easy day–I have already ridded myself of my nighttime internet usage–a huge wedge in our marriage. I will not get rid of it all togethe–I just have learned to control it and spend more with R. It has already heled my marriage because it seems like R is happir with me and likes that I am making an effort to spend time with him doing thins he enjoys. I even got him to play a Facebook game with me the other day. It was fun to have him to something that I liked too!

~Jenn Dares

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It i an inititated acion, not a knee jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it.Say to them today in words similar to these “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

Why is this kind of lov impossible without the love of Christ beatin in your heart?

Today was easy. I tell R everyday I love him. Sometimes he says it back–sometimes not. It would be nice once in awhile to be reponding with “I Love You Too” but right now I am OK with being the initiator. Tonight he did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen after dinner and I was so grateful. I told him I appreciated it and he responded with “Why? It isn’t your job” I told him that I was just glad that he did it, so I didn’t have to worry about it.

This morning we did get into a heated argument and he yelled at me…to which my response was “Why are you yelling at me? I am not yelling at you. I am trying to speak to you respectfully and I do not care for your tone of voice with me.” We were getting ready for our annual inspection at the condo and I was irritated because no one was helping me clean, and I felt like I should not have to tell people what to do. I did apologize to him at night for being so crabby.

My prayer today is to ask God to please teach R how to apologize for his hurtful actions and take responsibility for his wrong doing.

~Jenn Dares

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are 31–a whole months worth), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This weill add to your growth as you walk with Him.

How do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation and perspective? How can you make Him a bigger part of your day?

OK….. well… this is exactly what I was afraid of happening. Yes, I have a Bible (only because my grandmother gave it to me before she go really ill) BUT…… I really have a hard time just reading the Bible. I know what some of you are thinking…. she hasn’t let God into her heart… hasn’t centered her life around Him. But I have… I just don’t think that reading the Bible every day and setting aside time for daily prayer is what I am all about. I don’t see how my marriage will be any better (or worse) with or without daily scripture and prayer.

Things the past few days have been going pretty well. I think R has finally seen that the changes in my personality are not going to go away. I however, do not see him changing at all.

I received an email from a friend of mine… she used to be our marriage counselor YEARS ago… she was also one of my teachers at the Junior College I attended. She came to my Graduation for my Master’s Degree in May and had suggested that I meet with a collegue of hers to learn about opening my own business. Anyways.. she had emailed to see if I was still interested in meeting with this lady. When I replied to her, I let her know that yes, I was interested, and also gave her a rundown on what has happened here. Since she was my counselor in the past, I felt that this was a good idea because she already knows some of our history together and she was able to give me a new insight….minus a lot of this churchy stuff.

Her point being that we have 2 kids….. one that has already started high school and one that is in 5th grade. They both need us right now and the best thing we can do is to make this marriage work until they are at least out of the house. She also told me of another book to read with R that has a workbook with it. It is called Way We Love. I am going to look for this. I think that I could get R to be involved with that one since it doesn’t take the religious route that he is completely uncomfortable with. She told me that often marriages start to crumble because we forget how to comfort one another. I can’t agree with her more. I am going to search for the book and try to get the money together to purchase it. I tried to look at the library, but I couldn’t find it. So I will do my best. I think that I just need another focus that isn’t so church related. I am going to continue on the Love Dare, but I need something that he can get involved with. It takes more than just me to make the marriage work and I can’t do it on my own.

~Jenn Dares

Dare to take God at His word. Dare to trust Jesus for salvation. Dare to pray “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for my by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to same me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”

Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing yor committment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?

Well… first I have to say “YAHOO….. Half way through!!!!”

I prayed today to admit to Jesus that I am a sinner. I have sinned within my marriage years ago. I also prayed that He would help R see that he too as sinned and sacrificed our marriage and our friendship. I am not into this whole daily prayer thing… so that has been a little hard. I have always just prayed when I really needed it. Some of this is starting to get to “churchy” for me and I am worried about what the following dares are going to look like since I have not read ahead.

~Jenn Dares

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

What do you believe God is sayng to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?

Looking back over the dares, I think the hardest ones were the first day, because I really wanted R to do this first. The 3rd day because R was being so mean and nasty in his text messages to me, that I couldn’t any longer bite my tongue. I refuse to be belittled and take it…there are times when you must stick up for yourself and say what is on your mind.

I have always had God in my heart….maybe not as much as some people think I should, but never the less, he has been there. We all make choices in our lives that aren’t what God intended for us, but I think that is the path that He has chosen for me…to learn from my mistakes. I have decided to continue the way I am going, I pray when I need to and ask for strength and guidance when I feel weak and lost.

Until the next day…..

~Jenn Dares

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as ncie as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

What did you learn about your spouse that you didn’t know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?

Well, looking back at this dare, I think I didn’t execute it 100%. I made a really nice dinner, but our daughter was there with us. I don’t have anywhere for the kids to go for a couple hours and my son was at football still. We didn’t really get any “alone” time to talk. But we had a really nice evening. R was surprised at the dinner and was really appreciative. I made him shrimp cocktail for an appetizer and then steak and potatoes, fruit salad, and fetticine alfredo.  He was in so much awe that I went out of my way on a weeknight to make a dinner like this. (Usually we save these meals for the weekend when we have time to cook and do things right). It was a nice evening, but I think that I will take another night where I can make another really nice meal for us and feed the kids before we eat so they can go upstairs and leave us alone. I didn’t look at the questions to ask before hand, so I know now what I want to ask and how I want to ask it.

~Jenn Dares

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you., Make them feel safe.

How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?

OK… so this dare took me WAY too long to figure out… but I have it. I sat and listened to R…REALLY listened to him. I can see that he is in so much anguish. I don’t usually go and tell people the things that he tells me in private, but I have had a tendency to run to my mom when times are tough. I have vowed to stop running to her, to grow and up and deal with it all on my own. Well…. the best that I can.

Day 17 lasted me the 4,5, ad 6 of this month to really figure it out… But now I am ready for Day 18! I am sooo looking forward to tonight’s dare…. he is gonna be surprised…well at least I hope he is!

~Jenn Dares