twenty years

Why is it that times of joy are often followed by times that begin to feel like sorrow?

Because of some events that happened over the weekend and the fact that I expressed to Stacey that I felt like I was the only one trying to make this work, she felt compelled to give me a hug and tell me that she appreciates everything that I have been doing. (wow, long sentence…) This made me feel some love coming from her to me. Two of my love languages in one shot.

After some adjustments, physical and mental, I have been sleeping back in our bed for the last two nights. It still feels a little weird and yet feels very right. I’m sure that we will need further adjustments and time before this starts to feel more comfortable. I keep reminding myself that this is a major step and I need to take time and baby steps for a while, to ensure that we don’t slip back.

This morning, I attempted a hug of my own. Stacey did receive  and return the hug, but it felt to me as if she thought it was an inconvenience. Maybe it was the stress of the morning that she was expressing. I’ll try not to over analyze and consider the fact that it was still a hug.

I thank God everyday, for allowing me to express my love and more importantly HIS love for Stacey.  I am still praying daily for Stacey by name and spending time with God’s word, as I wait for dare 16 to “feel” completed. This weekend is Stacey’s birthday, it has endless opportunities for me to express love. It also has numerous possibilities for me to screw it up.

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