1 day at a time

I have had my challenges in my life as a fireman, but day 7’s challenge has challenged me the most lately.  Thinking something positive about my wife, is hard in the midst of fighting.  Since I read this chapter, I have tried to stay in the appreciation room constantly.  I don’t want to loose my feelings of love for her, or destroy precious  thoughts.  I know if I spend time in the depreciation room, I will destroy both of those things.  I do love my wife!  and I want to spend as much time in the appreciation room as possible, writing many more wonderful character qualities about her.  I will write covered in love across the depreciation room and i will learn to pray for the things in that room.  I have to rein in my negative thoughts and let love rule my heart. 

My wife is wonderful because she cares for others.  Has a heart of compassion.  Loves God with all her heart.  Is nice.  Is sweet,  Cute.  Smart,  sexy, and fun.  There is never a dull moment with her.  She has so much life and gives life to others around her.  Lights up a room when she walks in.  Helps me to be a better man.

Love is not irritable.  I read this line and wonder if I am the cause for my wife’s anger.  I have a hard time understanding my wife sometimes.  I feel like I drive her to anger, because she gets upset so easily.  I feel like she is under a lot of stress with school, but she is almost finished.  Sometimes I think its just her hormones, but that can’t be the sole reason for her getting upset, even though it dose not make things easier.  The way we think is totally different on subjects.  I’m kind of laid back and quiet, but when I have something to say I say it.  My wife constantly analyzes everything and switches her decision on a moments notice and talks about things non stop.  She doesn’t sound happy, because it sounds like she is not satisfied when she switches her decisions so much.  I want whats best for her, really!  We are young and just getting started good.  I work full time and go to school, and she goes to school, but I can’t afford everything she wants, even though I would like to give it to her.  I may just need to loosen up a little about money, I know.  I am trying to fulfill her needs, and she keeps telling me I don’t cherish, or love her like she needs.  She doesn’t want to have to tell me what she needs.  She wants me to do things for her by myself.  I can understand that, but that’s easier said than done.  I’m not trying to be selfish, I just really have a hard time being creative in the way I love her.  She tells me I don’t know how to love, no one ever showed me or I just didn’t learn.  That’sone reason why I’m reading this book.  I have learned a lot so far, I am implementing everything I read into my daily life, or trying to do so the best I can.  It helps when you ask God to be there with you. I’m still working on fulfilling her needs, but I feel like I’m not making any grounds yet.  Everything will be ok one minute and the next, every thing goes to hell.

  I need to add margin to my life by 

1.  Allowing time in my day to pray for my wife and not get side tracked with other tasks.

2.  I need to think of ways to spend special time with my wife and do it on a regular bases.

3.  I need to spend time thinking through my feeling, hurts, desires, and so on to get to know myself more.  so that I can communicate my feeling better to my wife.

I need to release selfishness, lust, Greed, Bitterness,  PRIDE, Fear, anger  in my life.

I over reacted yesterday about buying a dog, and then lettting the situation get out of control.  I was afraid of spending too much money, and not trusting my wife.  She felt hurt, because she didn’t think I was thinking of her needs and what it would have been worth to her that I would spend what it took to make her happy.  She normally doesnt spend a lot of money on things at all.  I have made a decision to trust my wife more, and to work through bad situations and show kindness first.

I asked my wife to give me three things that irritate her about me. The things she gave me were

1. Not listening:  I am notorious for this.  I have to learn to keep my attention on my wife even when my mind starts to wonder. 

2. Not making her a high priority in my life:  I have failed at thinking of my wife needs before my own.  I have been selfish.

3. When I don’t do what I say I’m going to do:  I do this when my wife ask me to do something and I say ok, to get her off my back about it.  Well when she comes back later and wonders why I haven’t done what she asked, she is not a happy camper.  Let me just say that is not the best way to handle that situation.  I need be more considerate of what my wife ask of me, and to actually do what she says. 

There have been numerous times in our marriage that I should have listened to my wife. She is a very smart lady, and I am blessed to have her.  She has helped me become the man I am today, and she pushes me to be better than I thought I could be.  Even in the hard times, I know that God blesses me with His Favor, and that favor is my wife!

Today, I woke up thinking of how I should plan my day, never expecting to learn that what I read on day 4 would change the way I thought.  It never occurred to me that I could be forgetting to think about love.  I had to ask myself, “have I been thoughtful lately?”  I have to be honest, I haven’t been.  When it comes to being thoughtful, I have done the bear minimum.  I have gotten away with what I had to do and not what I was capable of doing for my wife.  Doing so has not helped me understand my wife as much as I could.  Matter of fact is has gotten me in more trouble than its really worth, now that I think about it.  I can only think of how we could both benefit from being more thoughtfulto each other.  I could understand and learn how to demonstrate my love for her better.  I managed to call her, and ask her how she was doing and if she needed anything.  I have tried to think of her needs more often than not and I have even been kind and given her a massage.  I have also done my part in keeping up the house and when I come home from work I try to be up beat and happy.  Things are starting to look better.  We have our good and bad days and our ups and downs.  I know God is working in our marriage and on my heart.  Thanks for your comments prayers and encouragements!!

I apologize for not writing sooner.  I have had a lot going on.  Anyway, I have to say once again that this book and Gods divine revelation is really helping me to see myself for who I really am.  I feel so ashamed when I read, ”The Love Dare” knowing that I do have a lot of the selfish actions pointed out in this chapter especially.  So many times I have said no to my wife’s needs and yes to mine.  I have held standards for my wife so high and yet I have let my  standards fall so low. I have thought only of my needs and put myself first.  I have to break this selfish thought pattern.  The more I study the more I realize that I have been even more selfish than she has.  I have to say that my wife does a really good job of thinking of me and my needs.  I could really learn a lot if I would just listen and watch her.  Once again, I have missed it because I was to busy thinking of me, me, me, me!!!  Lord help me to have a mind like you, full of love and compassion.  I ask God for forgiveness in this area.  I thank everyone who is praying!  It has not been easy, but I’m still believing for a miracle.  I know with God, all things are possible to those that love Him!  I love Him and I love my wife, and through all this.  I am learning to love both of them better.

Day 2, showing kindness.  Day 2 was hard for me.  Being intuitive, does not come very easily for me.  I have a shy  personality, and I can be very indecisive sometimes.  I am intimidated very easily when it comes to being assertive.  Me and my wife have been married for 2 years now, but for so long I have triedto stay in the back ground and not be seen.  Being afraid of taking responsibility has hurt me in my role of being a leader in my family that I know I need to be.  I usually don’t have a problem being kind, but I need to do better being helpful.  I did ok not saying anything negative, but I didn’t do well at all with the rest of the things I was challenged with on day 2.  I need to try day 2 again on day three and continue with my challenges on day 3.  I have to say that I really enjoy the readings in the love dare, they are so profound and help me to see the very things i need work on.  1 positive note is that even though things can be hard sometimes, and we have disagreements my wife and I have managed to understand each other better and grow closer through these experiences.  No doubt from lots of prayer and God’s help.

Today is my first day of the Love Dare.  After I read the fist day’s outline, It really spoke to me when it said, “That I need to love another imperfect person unconditionally,” ”and to forgive them more even when they don’t deserve it.” That sentence made me start to see my actions in a whole new light.  I have had to hold my tongue today, having patience and showing kindness is something of a challenge.  I am a firefighter just like in the movie.  So I have the same schedule as he did, so I got off work today at 8:00am, and as soon as I walk in the door Kindness and patience is put to the test.  My wife tells me that I make her mad just by walking in the door or if I say anything it just makes it worse.  I held my tounge and showed great kindness even though at the moment it felt like defeat.  She told me that it was stange that I was being so nice, that It was not like me to be nice  and that she thinks its fake.  Well just like he said in the movie, “Here’s the new ordinary.”  I have found myself praying more today than I have in a while.  I am a Christian, so I know God is working in mine and my wifes marriage.  I think today, God was seeing what I would do with the situation I had this morning.  I find myself trusting more and more in God to get me through.  Keep praying!

Yesterday Me and my wife went to see the movie Fireproof.  It really had an effect on me and my relationship with my wife.  We have had our ups and downs and I am really searching and praying and trusting God to help me turn my marriage around.  I was inspired when the dad in the movie said that God can change my life, but that the love dare is a tool that we can use to help.  I found this web site and I am going to start tomorrow for the 1st day of this dare.  Pray for me that I have the strength to finish and that this will help me change my life forever.