Still going….
I have been separated from my wife J for 9 months on Thursday… but I am still doing the Love Dare day after day. It is hard. I apply the Love Dare principles 5 Love Languages daily. I can truly say that they are a part of my behaviour now and I am thankful to God. Sometimes I get a smile or a Thank You. Mostly I get nothing. I say nice things, don’t concentrate on myself, I talk and listen about her day, I praise her, I buy her dinner and coffee, I buy flowers, I buy her a croissant and the newspaper on a Saturday while I take the boys to cricket on Saturday mornings so she can have a sleep-in. I have done it all - every so often I run out of ideas, but then something new comes up. This week I intend to make fresh fruit salad for her breakfast with the newspaper. Just something different.
I feel under constant persecution from our Church leaders at our Church where I still go. No-one encourages me. Even our boys seem to have settled into a routine of me coming and going.
We are polite everywhere. Our broken marriage is so polite that it has become tolerable to everyone. Especially at Church where no-one seems to value me. I take her a coffee after the service at Church - I get a Thank You seemingly because it is the done thing to say. I cut the lawns at Church last Friday. I had hoped to do it without people seeing me there. I wanted to be a bit undercover. I didn’t want the attention in public. I did want just a quiet Thank You without the fanfare. Unfortunately youth group started earlier than I expected so I got caught.
I have stopped mowing our lawn, packing the dish washer, doing the family laundry etc etc. So she has now mowed the lawn for the first time in months - and it looks shocking. She forgot to lower the blades so it cut at a decent length and she missed bits. The lawn looks like a Mohawk’s head!! No disrespect to Mohawks is intended. But I didn’t comment - she tried. There are weeds growing along the walls of our home. There are weeds in the vegie patch. There are clothes not put away all through the house. She is very busy at work. And tired as a result. Our youngest hasn’t done his homework in two weeks. The oldest hasn’t had a hair cut since Christmas.
I am still praying always. I still love J. More now than ever. I don’t know how to win her back. I give her money for the kids, she has a great job, a great car, a great home, everything. She is so popular at Church that no-one will do anything to upset her. Being patient (Love Dare Day 1) is one thing, but will this ever end? I am even wondering what I am supposed to do if she gives in and asks me home. How will I know if it is under duress and she doesn’t really want me home, and will going home just make it all worse than it was? Thank goodness God has a plan because I have no idea….
I am continuing to pray for all Love Darers out there.
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I feel your pain. I have been separated from my wife 6 weeks today. I never thought this could happen. I am in devastating pain. I don’t know what to do.
I am inspired by you. I admire your persistence. I am challenged to live up to the standard you have set. I know it has not been easy for you. I know that you are constantly in excruciating pain.
Whether or not your wife ever responds, you have done right before God. God will honor you. You will receive your reward.
Your brother in Christ,
Bob