Love Dare #31 Love and Marriage
When a man marries he is to start a new chapter of his life. A life as a independent leader. A life built on unity between God and him and his bride and him. As dare 31 indicates this is a very hard thing to achieve. Both parts. To often I have leaned on my own experience rather then ask God for his help. To often I have looked for advice in areas that were more prone to create disunity then unity. The best intentions when it comes to advice will always have a slice of selfishness included. This appears to be a human flaw. God is the only one who offers free advice without built in for me hidden lines.
I have come to appreciate what these last few dares really mean when it comes to my relationship with the love of my life. I have prayed and talked to my love and have redefined in my heart that our unity is more important then any other earthly relationship. I will be praying that the Lord will help me direct my conversations so that I respect Tonie’s and Glen’s unity. So often I feel that the unity has been torn by people with true concern. The unity issue is not that of others, It is not their responsibility to guard it, it is mine. I need to work on some things in my life and the openness that I have demonstrated in the past will need to change. The love of my life deserves better then a husband who is scared to talk to her but can speak to others. I have resolved in my heart that she will be the one that I discuss my issues with. I love her and am working on listening to her. Why should she not be the author of serious advice in my life as well.
Today has been a troubling day. I found out that I had misled my love in that I had not explained myself very clear in the past regarding somethings. There are things that I use to like to do that I often did by myself that I no longer take pleasure in if I do not have company. The nature of the company is very important. I once used a example of how that being alone could be so public. I had said that I could go with all the friends in that i know and if that one person was not there I would only have fun for a very limited time. This is something that has changed in me from when I was younger. Now I can go have fun but not like back then. I would rather share my moments of joy with someone particular. I will use fishing as a example I love to fish, but I hate to fish by myself. When I say by myself I mean when I go fishing I like to be excited for someone else. There is a special someone that I enjoy watching catch the big one more then me. I have lost enough big fish and spun enough fish stories that I now enjoy watching someone else. I like to catch fish don’t get be wrong, but the look in the love of my life’s eyes or my boys when they catch one or fight one for a while that is truly inspiring to my heart.
Well the love of my life who has told me today in her own way that the trip I was planning for her and I really doesn’t matter that much to her. At least that is the way I took it. Tonie indicated that I should use the money I am saving for our trip to buy something I have wanted instead. I am hurt that we matter so little. I would never even consider doing that. I will however play it by ear and if I continue to pick up this vibe I will just give her the money and she can spend it as she feels fit. I really do not wish to make her unhappy and if this trip that I planned is a source of her discomfort then we can do it some other year. I will pray about all these things and I know that God will direct my path. So many issues that I have regarding communication I really need to figure out how to talk to the love of my life again.
Well I will leave things right there and once again as so often there will be no reason to win the day, Just more reasons to pray, listen, read, and really think about think how statements are taken before I speak.
May God bless are people who dare to take the Dare. I will be praying for you all.
Bruno
November 7th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Wow, Bruno, I just read through your entire journal. What a journey! I can relate to many of the personal issues you are dealing with. Our struggles are similar, though our situations with our wives is somewhat different.
I just want to encourage you to keep up the good work. You are 75% complete with the dares, but are just beginning to see breakthroughs in your marriage. I will pray that the coming weeks will bring you and Tonie closer. Do not allow events to come between you (out of town, etc.)
I first went through the book about a year ago, but did not take the time to go in depth with each dare as I needed. I am working through it again, this time I am taking several days or as much time as I need on each one. There is so much for God to show us. I get frustrated at myself at how little progress I make, how big my issues still are. I am beginning to understand some of my wife’s frustration with me.
Keep up the good work. You are on the right track pursuing a closer walk with God above all else. That is where I am. I am currently separated from my wife, and she does not have any interest in working on our relationship. So I have time to work on my relationship with God. I am also working on figuring out how to love my wife unconditionally. I feel a deep commitment to her, but do not feel in love, because I have spent so much time frustrated with what I do not get from her. I am working on that.
I will be praying for you and Tonie.
Bob