Love dare # 29 Love’s Motivation
I have read this Dare like five times. This dare speaks to me regarding how I live my life. As the bible says when you grow up to act as a grown up. To think as adult. With my relationship with God I need to remember that just because I have freedom of will does not mean that I should always act on what I think is the way to go. There are so many times that I have just ignored the voice that tells me that God is watching. How many times have I checked God with my shoes and just went ahead and did my own thing regardless of the fact that I know God had to be left behind.
As for the Dare this part was really easy. I have been telling my love that I love her as well as praying for her by name. I know that God is working there. I will keep praying for God to help Tonie with all her struggles. What of the tangible way? I have shown my love through just about every aspect of our lives. I have even stepped out with the sacrifice dare and am going to stretch my neck across the chopping block. I think I have covered that one many times over.
I went to marriage counselling last night. I went alone. Tonie prefers not to go, that is fine she will deal with the issues with God first. I had a very good session. My counselor which I will call “R” brought some very important issues to the table. Issues that I knew were there. These issues are tough to deal with. I was sent home with some homework. Something to feel out. We nailed down some things about drinking and I did not have long to think about it. Seems that the love of my life stayed latter at our friends place and had a few drinks. Tonie has told me that when I drink whiskey if I do not quit after about 2 I become someone that she doesn’t care for. Well the same applies for her. Tonie called me on my way home and wanted to know how every thing went. I talked about some of our talk. Tonie was at home and was slurring something terrible. I told her I thought that she was drunk and that made her very defensive. Tonie headed down a road that I need to explore with her at a deeper level, but not when she has been drinking. Tonie slipped back into the past and began talking about when her dad died and how the whole year that he passed away was so terrible. Tonie told me that the way she saw things in her condition last night I took three people from her life that year. I took her dad, I took her brother, and I took myself away. I understand the latter two. I do not get the first one. For that reason I refused to talk about it. When the love of my life is sober I will be investigating what ever she meant by that remark. I tried to be very supportive and loving and caring during that tough time.
So what started out as a good evening turned into the love of my life completely shutting me out. Around 2:30 this morning the drinks wore off and she cuddled with me. I wish just like she has told that I could record her when she is in the state of mind she would more then likely never want to see herself like that sober. Tonie and I had a good starter talk about drinking this morning and we set down some broad guidelines for her and I to live by for the wellbeing of our relationship. Only the future will show how those work. I will be looking for a God given opening to work on what R asked to do. I feel that it could change t of things for the positive.
I guess I will move on to dare # 30 while still working on all the dares I struggle with as well as keeping my eye and soul very close to Dare # 28. Once again no reason to win the day, Just more reasons, and issues of which to pray. Please pray for Tonie and Glen as we struggle to keep Satan at bay while we work on building a God fence. If we put God first he will fight for us. We must get to the point where he is out in front instead of along side or behind us.
bruno