Love Dare #28 Love Makes Sacrifices
Love sacrifice? See the need or desire, do the homework and see what is going on. Before anyone can sacrifice they must have a reason to. God offered his son as a sacrifice for our sin. We often make sacrifices and we do it without much forethought. We sacrifice time for money, and money for time all the time. How about the sacrifice for my spouses greatest need.
Last night after reading the dare on sacrifice twice I asked Tonie to think about her needs and our needs and come up with a need that would require a sacrifice on my behalf for her. I was surprised that it only took about one blink of a eye for her to not only have one, but the degree of it crushed me. Tonie looked in my heart and found a spot that God has been working on for sometime and just like that flicked it in my face. Wow it floored me. I knew that there was a issue there and it has been there for years and I have known that this issue would not be a dare that I could snap my fingers and make go away. This is a issue that is a trust issue as well for Tonie. In order for me to make this sacrifice I need to demonstrate that I am working on changing me. It is a multiplex sacrifice and will by completing the sacrifice of myself in this I will also prove to the love of my life that our relationship is the most important on this earth.
I do not know rather me working on this is enough for me to say that it is ok for me to move the next Dare. I have not completed this dare as of yet it will take time. I know that I could easily make things much worse so I will have to pray and tiptoe this dare into being a reality. So far during the love dares I have just put my head down and plowed ahead not worrying about the injuries to myself. This sacrifice I have to get right the first time there is no room for error. If I blow this there will be a lack of confidence in me on behalf of Tonie. I will need a lot of prayer.
I am confident enough in the love I have for Tonie that I believe that I can sacrifice myself for this. The hard part of this task is that in the process I do not sacrifice all of us. I find myself thinking about the dare that dealt with love one another as yourself. I can live without a hand, I can live with out a foot, the problem is that if I do it the wrong way I could bleed to death and in the process make things even worse for my family. I do not know if anyone understands where I am coming from. I never have had a problem with being loyal. I have been compared to a dog in that regard. My problem is segregating loyalty and prioritizing relationships. I know where my loyalties lie, I struggle when it comes to being a man about showing them.
That takes care of discussion regarding love dares. Tonie and I also had a very deep conversation about something that has been kicked around thrown under the bed, table, couch. We have hid it cleaned the bedroom and found it and hid it again. We have been kicking this subject around for over 9 years. This is a subject of desire and love and team work and future. The love of my life and I really want to have a little girl. I know, I know we should just want another child. I really want a little girl, I would except another boy and would love it just as all of our children. I really want a little girl though. I had been interested in adopting but the opportunity came and went and it obviously was not what God wanted at the time.
Tonie and I talked and she even brought our boys into the conversation. Our boys are down with the idea so long as we have a little girl. They want a little girl around. As for if it is a little boy the consensus is that they already have a little brother to beat on. There are so many things for me to think about. I wanted so much to say lets do it. I have so many doubts, concerns. Is this desire resurfaced because we have had a really tough time in our relationship? Is this resurfaced as a way to hold us together? Can the love of my life do this again. I almost lost her during our miscarriage. Our last child was so hard on her. what are the risk of having a health child? Will we feel tied down to school as our older children move on to start their own family’s? Will this child be spoiled rotten? How will the whole parenting thing go. Will Tonie and I be able to share the load or will one of us end up with all the work. How is this done now that I have been fixed. so many questions. I have a hard time getting the love of my life to accept that she needed to see a Dr. about her foot and to even consider having the surgery to eliminate some or all of the pain regarding that issue. How bad would it be for her to try to work carrying another child with her foot problems.
I so want to do this. I think that I show that and yet I have not committed to anything. I told Tonie a few times ago when this conversation came up that I never really was all that concerned about us having another child. Deep down I have always wanted a little girl. Tonie asked why I signed off on getting fixed. My answer remains the same I thought at the time that we were in agreement that we should not have anymore. That by no means ever meant that I did not want another chance to have a little girl. Just a few weeks ago I told Tonie that I never went back and had the sperm count checked. She gave me that look, I told her I was leaving the door open for God to provide as he felt need.
That in a nut shell was the evening we had last night. We decided to pray about it. I pray that if the love of my life is really serious she will pray and search for answers. Not only from God as I am but also from our Dr. We will have to make some serious decisions and they will have to be guided by God.
Well I guess that is all I have for Dare #28 for today I will continue to work on it and pray I am doing it correctly.
Once again no reason to win the day, Just more reasons listen pray, listen, play, maybe even practice (bad bedroom joke) anyway until next time may God bless and please pray for Tonie and Glen. I will continue to pray for all the people who dare to take the dare.
Bruno