love Dare #27 Love Encourages. Complete
Ofda!!, A word in northwestern Minnesota that means Wow that was difficult, or I am glad I finally figured that out. This dare in itself was not that difficult. It just seemed I was going about it all wrong.
Last night after I posted my update I told Tonie that I was really struggling with this dare in that I don’t feel that I have really encouraged her. We talked about encouragement and how that we have been talking about issues. Tonie told me I had completed the dare on Saturday night I just was not aware of it.
I guess according to the love of my life the encouragement was not where I thought I was aiming for. After I listened to her, I was dumb founded to find that what I thought was to be encouragement as it related to our relationship was selfish desires. Tonie told me that during our talk on Saturday I spelled out where I though we were. Where we had been and how I thought that we needed to aim for. I am really poor at communication so to hear that she found the underlaying nugget I was offering was really something. I am not sure that I myself realized I was stressing it so pointedly when we were talking. According to the love of my life I encouraged her to first and foremost work on her relationship with God. After she establishes where they stand regarding her and him work on closing the gap. I can’t help all that much with that, I am willing to help if she has questions that I can answer. Only after God and her work things can she work on her and I.
Somewhere in my feeble attempt to show that I love her and want her to have a open relationship with her God did she realize that if she really wants it she can have God and me, and still know who she is.
This whole encouragement thing has been really hard for me. I have tried to only do things regarding it out of love. I found so many times asking myself how much of the past few years has been love and how much has been for show. Not just on her behalf but mine as well. To remove the poison of unrealistic expectation from your home. How do I do that and still try to rebuild trust. Trust is a very important issue in any marriage, in a marriage that has managed to survive what my spouse and I have put it through it is all the more important. I have told Tonie many times that I do not want to remind her about trust and that I only have asked when she was going to be home to encourage her to think about her and I and how tough trust can be to grow if it is not fed. On Saturday during our talk we talked about rules that we together had made years ago and how they were just swept under the table. How that was the first breakdown. from there things just progressed to a point of total lack of caring or trust. This is not just Tonie’s issue it also rest at my feet.
The thing about trust and encouragement is that all the encouragement in the world will not grow trust when it counts. Trust will only be gained when the situation requires a action of trust building. As I have said in the past when I am upset is when I can grow trust between the love of my life and myself.
Well that is all I got. I am going to move on to Dare # 28 this evening and I pray it will go a little smother then dare #27. Things have been very wonderful regarding Tonie and I for the past sometime. I find I am scared that this will fall apart. I pray God has truly transformed me so that the love of my life can trust that the man she is with will not revert back to the selfish man she has been dealing with for so many years.
No reason to win the day, Just more reasons to read pray, and play. Please keep Tonie and Glen in your prayers as we work to let God lead us and in turn both of us lead our hearts instead of follw them.
till next time
Bruno