Saving my marriage

I finished theLove Dare and thought…ok, I am done, I can move on.  How untrue this was.  This is truly a daily challenge that I must face.  I am always having to ask the Lord to guard my mouth and my actions.  How many days have I wanted to bite back at something that is said and realize that it is not what is best.

Has this changed me, Yes.  Has my husband noticed a difference, yes.  Have there been struggles, yes.  Have there been victories, YES! Has this made him want to change….well, I am still praying.   I am praying more for me though, although not in a selfish way.  I pray that the Lord will continue to soften my heart and make me a Proverbs 31 wife to him.  I pray that those who are starting this journey, on this journey, or continuing on like I am, will realize the impact this wonderful 40 journey can have on not only them, but their spouse, their kids, and those around them.

May God bless each of you as you take this journey,

Once just trying to SAVE MY MARRIAGE

Tonight my husband and I will be going out, not for a date, but just some shopping.  I love when we go out for a bit by ourselves.  It gives us a chance to just be with each other and talk, really talk.  I am going to practice yesterday’s dare and let him talk to his hearts content and not interrupt or say anything unless 1) it is constructive or 2) he asks my opinion.  I want this to be a positive night and I am going to guard my words and open my ears.

Lord,

I love my husband and I never want to take him for granted.  Thank you for the opportunity to love him.  There are days Lord where I have questioned loving him, but you have shown me that I truly love him, I just needed to open my eyes.  Lord, give me the ability to love him as you love us, unconditionally.

What is the greatest need in your spouses life right now?  Thus starts the dare for today…

While thinking about this I realized that the greatest need in my husbands life is not really physical.  He needs me to be an encouragement to him.  He needs me to be his biggest cheerleader.  How many times has he been excited to share something with me and I have ignored him or ho-hum-ed while I listened thinking about all the other things I have to get done.  How often has he tried to tell me he just wants me to listen and I try to jump in an give an answer before I have even heard the entire problem!  My husband needs me emotionally as well as physically.  Why haven’t I seen this before?  Was I so blinded by my own needs that I just passed right over his.

Lord, today and for the rest of my life, please open my ears to hear what my husband has to say.  Help me to be his biggest fan.  Help me to see that sometimes it is best to just listen and not speak.  Show me when I should just be there for him and not speak my mind.  Help me to continue to guard my words so that what I say is honoring to you and uplifting to my husband.

Today I am combining two of the dares as they both fall into the same area for me.  I talked to my husband today and told him that I was wrong in always expecting too much from him.  I love for my house to be a sanctuary when we come home, one where it is clean, comfortable, and relaxing.  However, this is just MY expectation.  I am always nagging him about helping out around the house and always get mad when he doesn’t.  After reading these two days I realized that I need to let my expectations go a little.  Yes, I need a clean house, but it doesn’t need to consume me.  My husband and children need to come first.  We won’t be eating off of dirty dishes, and will it actually kill me if the trash isn’t taken out as soon as it looks full!  No it won’t.  I want to have a healthy home and that also means that I have to let go of some of my preconceived notions that I have to have a spotless house to be a good wife.  I try so hard to please everyone else that I am neglecting my husbands feeling.

Lord, help me to remember that my husband works hard to provide for us.  I need to remember that he needs time to relax as well.  Also, help me to realize that it isn’t how clean my house is, but how healthy my marriage and family are that matters.

This dare hit me like a ton of bricks today!  How many times have I said, I forgive you and yet hold a grudge or keep that hurt in the back of my head to bring up at another time.  How can I use those words and not mean them!  How can I say I love my husband and let something such as lack of forgiveness be a wedge in our marriage!  I know that there will be times that I will need to ask him for time to get over my hurt before I say those words so they are not trite and false statements.

Lord, I pray that when I say those three words, I forgive you, that I will mean them in my heart.  I do not want my lack of sincerity to be a wedge in my marriage.  Please help me to be honest and tell my husband when I am hurt and that I need some time.  I know Lord, that it is hard to forgive and forget, and I pray that you will help me in this area.

Lord, thank you so much for protecting me from this evil.  I am so glad that you have protected my heart and mind from lusting after other things and people.  Lord, you have given me the spirit of contentment and for that I praise you.

When I read this dare I thought hard about anything that I lust after.  I know there are times when I wish I had this or that, but I am content with my life.  I have no desire for other people or their things.  For this I am so grateful.  However, I also know that I can’t be arrogant in this thought and must always protect and guard my heart and mind against such things.

Although I can’t say I have an addiction, I know in my heart that I tend to focus so much attention on our children that I neglect my husband’s need for attention.  I seem to get so caught up in what the kids need that I fail to see that he needs me as well.  This hurts our relationship as he feels like he is worth less to me.  He needs to be first in this area.  I do not mean that I will neglect my kids, but I need to schedule time with just the two of us.  I don’t think we have been out as a couple in at least 6 months and that is not right.  I informed my husband tonight that we were going to schedule a sitter and go out for the night.  he was so excited that I almost cried.  To see him smile about time for just the two of us made me realize how much I have taken away from him.

Lord, let me remember that my spouse needs me and he needs to feel loved and appreciated by me.  Help me to remember that to be one, we need to have time to share and be with each other by ourselves.  He needs me to be able to focus on him and not all the other trapping that are going on around us.

I awoke this morning with the realization that I was into the second half of this dare.  The lord has opened my eyes to the changes that are occuring in me.  Yes, I started out thinking, I can change my husband, but the Lord is changing ME!  What a wonderful feeling to love my husband no matter what!  It doesn’t mean that there won’t be days where I get upset or even angry, but it does mean that I will not react in the same ways I have in the past.

I woke up this morning to my husband being home and awake.  He had to work this morning so it was nice to see him before he left.  While we were getting ready I told him that I loved him and would love him no matter what.  He had a quizzical look on his face like, “what is up”, and I said, “no matter what, I love you”.  He said the same and gave me a hug.  I am sure he didn’t understand, but in my heart I did.  My love is unconditional.  It won’t go away, no matter what.  I LOVE MY HUSBAND!  Thank you God for bringing this kind of love for husband into my heart!

I realized with today’s dare how long it has been since I immersed myself in God’s Word.  I read Proverbs 1 & 2 today and realized that I am going to start reading a chapter a day.  I was struck by the words in these chapters and how they fit what I have been doing.  I continue to pray daily for my mouth to be guarded, but now I will also pray that the Lord will give me the wisdom and knowledge to know how to do this.

Last night it snowed.  It was such a picture of this dare.  The snow covered the dirty ground like Christ covers our sin.  What an awesome picture!  I pray that God will use me how he wants and not how I am comfortable being used.